


That one time Levi fell in love

by LeviAckermangf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Blood and Violence, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content, Smut, Strong Female Characters, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:07:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 70,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27576946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeviAckermangf/pseuds/LeviAckermangf
Summary: Being a member of the Survey Corps was hard. Losing friends became the daily bread and being alive was considered a treasure. After coming back from the most dangerous expedition you had ever been to, you meet a new member. You've been told he's kind of rude and arrogant yet he has a lot of potential to become one of the strongest human ever.
Relationships: Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi/Reader
Comments: 205
Kudos: 647





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first x Reader fanfic ever! Wish me luck and enjoy!

Three and a half months had past since he joined the Survey Corps and lost Isabel and Farlan in his first expedition beyond the walls. Memories about that day still hunted him causing terrible nightmares and sleepless nights. Levi would get used to it eventually so he started to assume that insomnia would be part of his everyday life. Sleeping only a couple of hours per night was enough for him.

Drinking tea in silence he looked at his brunette new friend taking the empty seat next to him. The canteen would usually be half-empty by the afternoon so, there being a lot of people, felt unfamiliar for the raven-haired. "Erwin has something important to announce," Hange said as if they were able to read his mind. The blonde had been the new commander for five days but it felt like he had been in charge all his life. He was perfectly suited for that position.

Walking firmly, followed by a couple of captains, Smith grabbed everyone's attention creating a stony silent in the room. "After almost twenty weeks I have news from the Special Unit Expedition," Levi didn't know what he was talking about, people were chatting in astonishment and the brunette's eyes were sparkling in excitement. "Eighteen soldiers started that journey," he cleared his throat before proceeding, "Only three of them have been able to come back," he looked at Hange and nodded firmly. "Their sacrifice hasn't been in vain, we have new information about the titans," he saluted and took a deep breath before heading the table where Levi was. "She is alive," he smiled gently touching the brown-haired's shoulder. "She's now reunited with Zackly,". He said before leaving the canteen in complete silence.

"I knew it..." Hange's trembling hands caught the Ackerman’s attention, "I knew it," they repeated increasing their voice tone. "I knew it!" they said once more almost screaming. "Yeah, she is strong, I knew she was alive" they stood up and looked at Levi with hunger eyes. "Come with me," they stated almost in an order.

"Oi," the man complained when his friend grabbed his arm and pushed him through the corridors leaving his half full tea cup behind. "Where are we going shitty four-eyes?" he sounded annoyed. 

They remained in silence till they finally reached Zackley's office. Right in front of it there were three people, Levi rapidly assumed they were the three survivors Erwin was talking about earlier. Two young man and a beautiful woman a couple of years older than Hange. That was you. Trying to maintain composure and preventing some teardrops to fall from your eyes, you gently look at both men in front of you fainting a sweet smile, "You did well," you said in a whisper. The tallest one was crying as he looked at his recently chopped arm, the other one tried to smile back but his facial muscles didn't respond.

"Thank you captain," they both said in unison before leaving your side.

"y/n!" Hange's scream turned your stomach as you turned around and looked at them running to you. They were loud as usual, screaming things without vocalization and lacking sense, you knew they were happy to see you. You hugged them tenderly, you missed being around your best friend's comforting arms. As soon as the contact broke you spotted a new face next to them. A black-haired man was staring at you, arms crossed over his chest and a stoic expression. "This is Levi," Hange introduced him to you, "he's a new member, he's really strong and has full control over the vertical maneuvering equipment despite not going through any training," that fact shocked you. You remembered your cadet training days next to Hange, it was hard for you to learn how to balance... how had he mastered it without any help? That definitely was natural talent. You stared his eyes and, for a moment, you were thankful for him to have that arrogant look all over his face. Since you returned from the expedition every single person you met had looked at you with gloomy and concerned eyes, Levi was the only one who looked emotionless in front of you... And, for now, that felt nice.

"Oh..." you opened your bag ignoring a stabbing pain travelling your right arm, "Here," you gave Hange what looked like a finger bone. "An abnormal titan didn't fully disintegrate so I managed to take you this, I don't know if it's useful for your investigations though" you looked at their sparkling eyes and pink cheeks. What a nostalgic picture. You felt a tight knot in your throat as well as desperately needed a shower, after so many months beyond the walls you needed your time to recover. Your friend walked with you to your room while Levi headed the canteen not without saying goodbye. Once you opened your quarter's door, an uncontrolled dusty cough invaded your lungs. It had been closed for so many months it looked dirty and messy, you didn't find the courage to enter so you looked at Hange with pouting eyes. "Can I take a shower in you bathroom?" You asked slowly.

"Of course," they patted your shoulder. It was comforting having them next door. What you had no clue of was that, every morning, when some cadets tried to empty your room alleging they needed it for new members and assuming your death, Hange would confront them. They were sure you were alive and defended your place incessantly. _'For God's sake, this is the Survey Corps, we never have new recruits'_ they would shout every single day.

In complete silence you entered the room and, taking some of their clothes and a clean towel, you headed the bathroom. It was unusual for you to stay that quiet but you really needed to take you time after such a traumatic expedition. It hadn't been your first one ever but you felt like a failure as a captain. Immersing yourself in a hot water bath you took a deep breath and started crying without even realizing it. You passed your fingers over your brand new scar crossing your right arm and part of your stomach, it was a constant reminder of your failure. 

Once Levi went back to drinking his favourite tea in the canteen, he sat next to Erwin. He wasn't fond of him yet so the blonde widened his eyes in surprise. The dark-haired stayed in silence ignoring the astonishment in his face and immersed himself in his beverage. "You met her, right?" he asked receiving a short and firm nod as a response. "Y/n is one of our strongest soldiers, she's worth 50 people and she's really smart too" he smiled. Erwin had trained with you for only God knew how many hours, thanks to him you were able to refine your killing techniques these last years till they were perfect. He always managed to encourage you and made you feel safe, he was like a big brother. "She's Hange's best friend so I guess you'll spend a lot of time together," his deep voice caught a soldier's attention who was sat next to them drinking beer.

The man, red-haired and green-eyed, clicked his tongue in annoyance "Oh yeah, she's great... that's why she came back with only the 11% of her squad alive," he chuckled as he challenged Erwin to a stare duel. Somehow that man's attitude pissed Levi off. Everybody knew how hard and expedition could be so, mocking a colleague in such manners was disgusting. The onyx haired couldn't help but think about your sorrowful expression when you hugged Hange, your eyes were drown in an indescribable emptiness and, for sure, you were about to have a mental breakdown. "Y/n is not a good Captain, and she's not the perfect woman everybody thinks she is... You just idealized her". The Ackerman didn't even try to hide his annoyance as he rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue.

"Tell me Herbert," the commander grinned, "Are you upset because she was promoted to captain before you or because she rejected twice your dating proposal?", the soldier's face turned bright red as he took a deep breath trying to control his emotions. Levi's face cooled down as he enjoyed internally seeing him so angry. 

The red-haired hit the table and stood up almost losing control over himself, "You got really cocky since your stupid rise," he spited on the floor before leaving the place. At that moment Levi made two statements: Firstly, he hated Herbert. Secondly, he kind of liked Erwin.

After a few minutes Hange sat near them and exhaled sharply, "She's taking a bath," they said looking at Smith, "she'll finish soon" Erwin nodded and stood up. He knew it was too early but you had to declare and report the mission to him as soon as possible. It was going to be hard for you. Hange looked at Levi with a concerned expression before waving to a couple of young men. "Hey cadets!" they screamed grabbing their attention, "Come here," the black-haired was not a fan of social interactions so he kicked his friend's ankle under the table. "Tell us about the expedition," they ignored the burning pain on their leg. Levi recognized those boys as soon as they sat near him, they were your subordinates. They drank and ate frantically completely ignoring basic decent manners. "Y/n would hate seeing you chewing with your mouths wide open," Hange said giggling, everybody was aware about your stupid mania with people's eating habits.

"We just came back from hell," one of them murmured without stopping his eating, "I don't even know how I'm still alive". He stuttered before drinking almost half a litre of water in a single swallow.

"We are alive thanks to the captain" the other one said proudly.

Hange raised their eyebrows and rested their face over their hands showing interest in the conversation, "Really?" they asked genuinely.

The youngest hummed and caressed his shoulder, "A titan was about to eat me, she killed it in a single movement. When she kills them, it looks like a piece of cake..." he chuckled "Luckly, I only lost my arm,".

"We were cowards," the other interrupted "All of us were in front of the titan looking how it was about to eat him and did nothing..." he clenched his fists in frustration, "none of us moved... we just stared in silence. Thank God, Y/n was there" he paused for a second, "She looked kind of annoyed. She said we shouldn't be paralyzed by fear, she told us we should've run if we didn't have the courage to fight... the essential was never staying still". He looked at Levi, he was silently listening to the narrative " _My duty is to protect you but you need to keep moving, if one of you is in danger and the rest are too scared to fight you should run away. I'll be the one in charge to save them... but if all of you just stay still... I won't be able to protect you all_ she told us as serious as ever" he continued with trembling voice. 

"After two months of expedition things got complicated, we knew it would happen. Long expeditions are risky... " the other one said when he saw his friend unable to speak drowning in his own teardrops. "We had enough food and water for the twelve we were still alive, but the gas of our maneuvering equipment was limited. Gary was the first one to run out of it, Y/n changed her gas cylinder with his as soon as he fell asleep," he lowered his voice, "So, three days after that, when she got caught between a titan's teeth she couldn't escape. She just told us to run away, but our stares were fixed on the abnormal titan that was about to eat our captain".

"Gary refused to leave her behind and faced the titan managing to cut his chin almost liberating her, but he got killed immediately. We were trembling in terror, we had a little time left and y/n was still trapped in that titan's mouth. All of us decided to fight it only to realize there was another one running towards us..." he took a deep breath, "Blood, yells, bowels, loosen extremities... everything after that is blurry and confusing" he fixed his eyes on the table unable to face his superiors, "the next thing I remember is taking her in my arms and running away galloping on my horse without looking behind listening her cries and screams," his fragile voice had turned into a whisper.

Levi and Hange stayed in complete silence. Even hell sounded more appealing than what you lived those last weeks. 

***

After your declaration in front of Erwin you felt your chest compressed in pain. You desperately needed to rest but you were sure the nightmares would hunt you incessantly. You were getting used to the insomnia yet your body was asking for you to calm. When you opened your room's door and saw the mess, a tired sight escaped from your mouth. You were not a cleaning freak but you were disgusted in front of the idea of resting in such a dirty and abandoned place. Almost dragging your feet you headed the broom cupboard of the corridor only to find the new member Hange had introduced to you some hours before, "Levi, right?" you grabbed his attention. He had a couple of cleaning products on his hands and looked at you curiously. Something about his eyes made you shiver.

He hummed as a reply and broke the stare.

Without exchanging any other word you took a broom, a cleaning roller, a rag and a glass cleaner liquid. He looked at you crossing his arms over his chest and arching a brow.

"Are you going to use that?," he pointed the glass cleaner and watched you nod. “Tsk.” He clicked his tongue in annoyance as he handed you another liquid, it was a different brand you didn't know. "Use this one instead,".

You read the brand and frowned "What's wrong with the other one?" you asked naively. 

"It's good if your standards are low and mediocre," you laughed lightly, your laugh sounded magical in his ears. That was the arrogant attitude you were warned about? You actually found it interesting. Your eyes spotted a slight sparkle on his look when he noticed a brand new mop. He definitely was a cleaning freak. Levi looked at you once again, something about your beautiful features fascinated him. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the warm Sunset light or it was simply natural beauty but, even without having proper rest, you looked stunning. 

“Thanks for the advice, Mr clean” you said turning around and heading your room reading once more the branded cleaning product he recommended you to use. You could tell he clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. 

As soon as you entered your chamber you felt a nostalgic feeling invading your chest, seeing your shelving and desk drown in dust made you frown. For sure, you needed clean bed sheets and your mirror was so dirty it could go easily unnoticed among the brick wall. You exhaled sharply before opening the window, tying your hair and rolling up yous sleeves getting ready to work. You removed the dust covering all your stuff, your books were not damaged fact that made you smile sweetly. They were quiet old and fragile so you felt scared before the possibility of them being completely ruined. You continued cleaning without pausing, you wanted to get everything done as fast as possible.

The last chore you needed to do was wiping the mirror, you used the liquid and the old rag you grabbed earlier only to fix your eyes in your reflection once the surface got neat. Your emotionless eyes lacked any kind of shine. Gently caressing your cheek you felt a tear dropping over your face, you remembered all your subordinates' death. Their painful faces, their cries and screams in agony, their clumsy desperate movements trying to escape from the titan... those memories were vivid playing on loop in your head. Not only they were your novices but you also considered them your friends. It was not the first time you lost someone but being a Captain was yet unknown terrain and you couldn't help but blaming yourself for being negligent. 

They were not simple soldiers, they had names and hobbies and desires and aspirations and dreams... only for them to be stolen in a fraction of a second. Sally and Robert were about to get married, not only were you invited to ceremony but she asked you to help her choose her dress the day before departure. She looked stunning and feminine in that wedding white dress. And now she was dead. And Robert was left alone. On the other hand, Gerald not only lost his arm but his usual bright and innocent smile had disappeared. That broke your heart, he was young and had already lost his joy.

You shook your head trying to avert those memories.Taking all the cleaning products you opened the door ready to return everything to the broom cupboard only to see Levi mopping the corridor floor. You clenched your chin, it was past midnight already, it was a strange hour to clean the common areas. A memory from your cadet days came suddenly, Hange and you cleaning the training fields for ages as a punishment for starting a fight on the shared bedroom. It was not your fault, some fucker stole some of your dinner and you couldn't help put punch his nose. You caressed your right knuckle, if you paid attention you could still feel the bang. It was completely worth it. However, you were never forced to clean that late at night. 

"Isn't it too late for you to be mopping the freaking corridor?" you grabbed his attention.

"It wouldn't be necessary if everybody had the fucking habit of cleaning their fucking boots before entering the building," he said without stopping his labor. "Stupid brats," something about his way of speaking made you feel in peace. People who cursed were always the most honest ones, you liked it. "Weren't you supposed to be sleeping?" he asked finally pausing and facing you.

You shook your head, "I'm not tired" your voice was still and you looked serious but, deep inside, he knew about your inner demons. He also had them. You walked firmly and store the products you just used, he slyly stared your movements. Something about your gestures and expressions mesmerized him, he found you absolutely intriguing. You took a look on the long corridor in front of you, you could say by heart in which room every single one of your cadets used to sleep, you bit your bottom lip repressing a tear and locked your eyes on the floor. You wished either Hange or Erwin were awake so you had someone to talk to, your eyes spotted the newcomer keeping the mop in the cupboard. "Tea?" your mouth spoke without you even realizing it. 

He looked at you slightly widening his eyes in surprise. Your face was stoic but, a frown over your face and your watery eyes illuminated by the Moon light entering timidly from a window besides you, denoted your current depressed state. "Sure" he accepted your request. You really expected him to not. An awkward silence accompanied you both all the way till the canteen, it was dark and empty quite a strange image. "Black or green?" you asked boiling some water and grabbing a couple of cups.

"Black," he said reaching for it and helping you.

You waited in silence for the tea to be ready. The moon light caressed his face gently making you look at his features in detail, his eyes were mesmerizing. You only broke the stare when the water started to boil. Sitting on a table next to a huge window you took a sip of tea, you didn't even remember the last time you drank some, it tasted so good an involuntary smile was painted over your lips. "How many expeditions have you been at already?" you asked breaking desperately the silence.

"Four," he said without tearing his eyes from the cup. 

You hummed. Again, an awkward silence filling the room made you feel sick. Blood, screams, cries... your mind went a thousand miles per hour and your heartbeat was increasing dangerously. You tried to maintain composure but Levi noticed your anxiety. He was not good at comforting people, specially someone who just met, so he decided to leave his cup on the table, rest his elbows chin over hands and stare at you. He was silently encouraging you to open about it. You were not good at expressing your feelings, you were emotional but you hated other people seeing your vulnerable side so you stayed in silence controlling your agitated breathing. 

"Was this your first expedition as a captain?" he asked trying to start the conversation.

You nodded slowly. "Yeah..." you whispered feeling the knot in your throat tightened. "I could only protect two of them," you clenched your fists, you could see them covered in blood. You shook your head, "They died because of my weakness".

Levi thought about those boys talking about the expedition, they surely admired and treasured you. When he listened your story he couldn't help but think how brave you were, whatever you thought was unimportant. You were a good leader. "They were not willing to sacrifice you," he said without perturbing his usual monotonous voice. "I heard you are worth 50 soldiers, letting you die would've been a crushing defeat for humanity," something about that statement made your stomach tightened.

"No human life is more valuable than another," you said frowning.

"I agree," he said finishing his tea, "However, your subordinates didn't think that way. They believed that saving you was worth all their lives," he clicked his tongue, "So stop blaming yourself and be thankful you are still here," he said almost annoyed. 

Deep inside you knew he was right but the wound was too recent for you to get over it that fast. You decided to stand up in silence and leave the room without saying a word. He was right, he was so fucking right you hated to admit it. You couldn't live in your past, as recent as it was, and you needed to keep moving forward your future.


	2. Chapter 2

Letting the Sunlight carefully caress your face, hearing some noise from the other side of the door, you opened your eyes slowly getting used to the light. Even after only getting three hours of sleep you felt rested and full of energy. You got ready and looked at yourself in the mirror, "You are lucky to be fucking alive," you said as you tied your hair half up half down. Taking a deep breath you headed the common canteen seeing Erwin, Hange, Levi, Mike and Moblit in the distance having breakfast and talking vividly. Your stare met Levi's and felt a compression over your chest remembering your last encounter. You were about to take a cup of tea and join them when, a quite robust man, stepped in front of you preventing your motion. "What," you said with a hint of anger in your voice. Ah. You used that tone every time you confronted people and how smoothly it worked alongside your deadly stare. You could easily scare a 6.7 ft tall man in just a few seconds.

"You didn't greet me yesterday," his voice made you sick.

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms in front of your chest unconsciously creating a barrier between you two. "That's because I don't like you, Herbert" you looked at him up and down in disgust. 

"What a pity," he licked his top lip and leaned over you, causing you to step back, "From now on I'm a member of your new squad," he chuckled and gave you a paper.

"No way in hell" your eyes read it at least four times, "Fuck off," you said pushing him away walking to your friends feeling your blood boil in anger. As soon as you reached them you put the paper on the table violently shaking the cups and dishes over it. Levi's tea almost poured out making him look at you in annoyance, you ignored him. "What the fuck is this?" you didn't raise your voice but made sure your rage was showing. Erwin took the paper and read it in complete silence.

"So, you are in charge of Dana, Robert, Gerald, Levi, Hange and... Herbert" he pointed out. He sighed and looked at you with tender eyes. "You know he has a huge contact network, he must have talked to Zackly so he could be in your brigade," he said taking a quick sip of tea.

You rustled the paper, "Can't you do something? You are the fucking commander for God's sake," you clicked your tongue and looked at the ginger who walked in front of you with an arrogant smirk, "Oh, go fuck yourself," you yelled throwing him the wrinkled paper. 

"I'll try to talk to Zackly," the blonde said. He knew how much you hated Herbert and, to be honest, he kind of wished he was not part of the Survey Corps so he was willing to do what he could to help you.

"Thanks," you said bitterly heading the kitchen to take a cup of tea.

Hange chuckled as they rested over their chair, "She's back," they said with a smile."Yesterday was a hard day for her," they explained looking at Levi who drank in silence, "She was quiet and looked sad, totally out of character..." the brunette looked at you with a fond smile. "She's a fighter,".

"She's scary," Moblit said lowering his voice remembering that one time he skipped his meal and you made him help the kitchen staff for a month, serving food to everybody and always being the last one to eat. Since then, he always made sure to be the first one to enter the canteen.

Smith hummed and finished his cup of tea, "She has an intimidating character and is a woman of firm beliefs," he smiled as soon as you took a sit next to Hange. 

"Hey," the tawny-haired put their hand around your shoulder "You are my new captain," they giggled in front of the idea of being your subordinate. "This is going to be fun," you couldn't help but laugh in front of their attitude.

A firm nod was enough for you to answer her, "Just for now," you rolled your eyes and looked at the blue-eyed commander. "I really thought Hange would already be a captain once I came back," you said clenching your chin.

Erwin laughed slightly. He had missed your cocky attitude so much he still couldn't believe you were back, "They still have a lot of things to learn," he then pointed at the Ackerman, "Same goes to you," he said firmly, "You are strong but it's not enough to be a good leader" the younger sighed showing an indifferent attitude, "It'll be good for both of you to be under Y/n's orders for a while" he stated before standing up.

"You, go talk to Zackly," you said coldly.

"Yes, yes" Erwin ruffled your hair in a friendly way and left the table. "You should go train your soldiers," he told you with a smile, "and don't be too tough on them".

"I won't," you finished your drink and stood up quickly grabbing Erwin's sleeve avoiding his departure, "Gerald and Robert should rest for today though" you told him. "Gerald needs to get used to only having one arm and Robert is suffering PTSD" you looked worried.

"Do whatever you feel, next expedition is in three days" he said patting your shoulder and finally leaving the room. You knew three days were not enough to consolidate your team. But you could do it.

You took a deep breath and pointed at a young blonde, brown-eyed lady eating an apple at the other side of the canteen, "Dana," you said firmly, "Hange, Levi," you pointed at your table and then turned away spotting your least favourite person on Earth "and humanity's biggest disgrace," you grabbed your subordinate's attention, "wait for me on the training field" you said firmly. "Gerald and Robert take the day off" you looked at them and smiled sweetly. You looked at your new squad heading the outsides of the building. As soon as the short dark-haired came across, you grabbed his arm and looked into his eye, "You were right..." a whisper escaped from your lips, he nodded and continued his path. You took four bottles of water from the kitchen and smiled, you actually missed your daily life inside the walls.

Your four subordinates were waiting for you in silence, Hange looked excited while the blond girl was about to faint in front of the idea of you being her captain. When Erwin told you not to be tough on them, he really meant it. Soldiers, specially young newcomers and cadets, would think you were the most strict captain in the Survey Corps. You believed in discipline and hard work so your training were famous for being _'scarier than the titans themselves'_ However, ineffable facts were that your squad was always the strongest and bravest one. It was true you were demanding but it also was true that you would do anything for your soldiers. And that made you a good leader despite your young age.

Walking firmly towards your squad you threw them the water bottles and sighed. "Introduce yourselves," you said, you already knew them yet it was a first day routine you inherited from your former superior. 

"Hange Zoë" your friend was the first one to talk, giving you her best salute and smile.

"Herbert Becker" the red-haired saluted firmly.

"Da... Dana Bianchi" the young lady said stuttering, intimidated by your fixed stare.

"Levi" the short one said, arms crossed over his chest, stoic expression. 

Herbert rolled his eyes, "You moron," his voice grabbed everyone's attention in the field. "Weren't you taught some manners back in your dirty dark rat cave?"

"Hey!" you shouted avoiding Levi's opportunity to reply and start a heated argument, "Stop talking about your mother's butt hole and follow me," you headed the horse stable hearing Hange's loud scandalous laugh behind you. As you galloped, the fresh air caressed your hair making you feel excited by the freedom you had when you rode a horse. You missed that safety feeling from inside the walls and for a brief moment you could enjoy that feeling. As soon as you reached a huge dense forest you got off the animal asking your subordinates to do the same. "Body-to-body combat," you said tying your horse to a tree.

"Nice," the brunette murmured cracking his knuckles facing Levi with a vivid smile.

"It'll be kind of a tournament," you sat on a thick branch, "there will only be one winner," you sighed and pointed the trees, "I also want you to use the ODM gears but leave all your blades aside first,".

"What will the winner take?" the blonde asked naively.

Arching a brow you looked at her with curiosity "What do you mean?".

The red-haired raised his voice, "Isn't there a price?"

"For what?" you chuckled "Doing your job properly?" your cadets looked at you expecting something only stealing a sharp exhalation from you.

"The winner gets to fight you," Herbert suddenly pointed you with starving eyes, "and I mean for real, without using the stupid ODM gears" he really wanted to put his dirty hands on you.

You rolled your eyes and accommodated yourself on the branch, "So if you win I get to kill you," you licked your lips grabbing unintentionally the short man's attention. "I'm looking forward to it," you didn't know that statement just turned Levi on in excitement. 

Hange was the first one to make a move, hanging on a tall tree and balancing herself to kick Levi's calf. "Oi! Four eyes," he clicked his tongue and used his ODM gear to fight back. It was difficult to fight body-to-body in such conditions, wearing the equipment designed for killing titans trying to punch someone's face was challenging. And you knew it. So you just enjoyed yourself watching their combats. An involuntary smile was painted over your face as soon as you saw Levi defeating Hange a few minutes later.

"Ah... you're strong" the brunette lied down on the floor waiting for their colleagues to finish their fight. 

The onyx-haired hummed fixing his eyes on you carefully studying your features. "Why do they hate each other so much?" he asked suddenly. He was not a nosy person yet he was genuinely curious about it.

Hange incorporated herself and sat on the floor, resting their back on a tree "To cut a long story short: she was supposed to marry him but escaped and joined the Survey Corps, he got obsessed with her and joined a few months later only to cripple her very existence," they saw Levi's puzzled looked and laughed, they had never had the opportunity to see such an expressive face on him. "Don't misinterpret, she was supposed to marry him because of family issues, she found out about it the day before her wedding and ran away" Hange laughed, when you first told them that story they even fell from a chair in an a failed attempt to control their laughter. Among all your dramatic passed stories that one always made them smile. "His weak ass is just frustrated because their feelings are nonreciprocal" 

"Nice," you sighed when the parallel combat ended, "Levi vs Herbert now" you said trying to hide your excitement, you had complete faith in the dark-haired and really wanted to see Herbert stupid face kissing the mug. 

"You can give up," the ginger murmured in arrogance causing his opponent to click his tongue.

Levi's fluid movements got you mesmerized as you remembered the fact he managed to master the gears without any kind of training. "Beautiful..." you whispered as you saw him do a perfect back flip balancing gently in between the trees, "You two" you looked at Dana and Hange and threw them a stone, "Run through the forest up and down till they finish".

"Why?" the brown-haired frowned.

You shrugged your shoulders, "Don't let your body cool down," you enjoyed hearing their complaining as they started to run. After a few minutes, the most satisfying scene you had ever seen happened before your eyes: The Ackerman just punched Herbert's face so hard his nose bled in spurts, a second later he was immobilized on the floor. You hated to admit it but the red-haired was not weak. However, the short man was way stronger.

You jumped off the branch and spotted Levi's challenging fierce stare as he took off his ODM gears and approached you firmly. "I won" he stated the obvious.

"I know," you said with a smirk, taking off your emerald cape and acquiring a combat position. One foot in front of the other, firm fists ready to both attack and protect your face and stomach. You knew he was good at body-to-body, something about his movements made you wonder where did he learn his fighting techniques as well as you noticed how internalized they were. He had probably been fighting all his life. As soon as you spotted his first punch towards your face you did a squat and grabbed his leg trying to unbalance him only to feel his knee kick cut the air a few inches from your stomach. Thank God you managed to avoid that hit. 

"Not bad," he said returning to his fighting position. 

Your subordinates had their eyes fixed on you both. "Why are you still?" you chuckled, "Keep moving" you turned around to face them, "I'll tell you when to stop," you said firmly. _'Keep moving'_ those words made the raven-haired think about your expedition story. That really was your motto. You heard them complain and looked at them deadly. That stare made them run like they were escaping from hell. 

After almost fifty minutes of unstopping kicking and punching you both felt the fatigue over your muscles, Levi might be a better fighter but, after his previous two combats, you were matched. You were enjoying yourself after only God knew how many months, you had already forgotten you were training. As soon as you felt some blood taste, you gently wiped your lips and smiled. He was not holding back. 

You leaned backwards resting all your weight over your left leg and got ready to kick his stomach and end the combat. However, as soon as you bent your knee, he grabbed your ankle and pulled, as a reflex reaction you grabbed him by the collar making you both fall over the dirty floor. Your back rested on the greenery and Levi's full weight was on top of you, eyes fixed on each other both of you breathless were unable to look away. Something about his intriguing stare hypnotized you, finding difficulties in looking away. His half parted lips desperately craving some air made you realize how close you really were, both of your breathings blending slowly into a single one. "I win," he clicked his tongue and smirked finally getting up.

You exhaled sharply not sure if you were frustrated about his victory or because he broke that special little moment. Probably both. Sitting on the floor you scratched your head and looked at him, "I want a rematch". He snorted before offering you his hand and helping you to stand up. 

For a brief moment you completely forgot you were not alone, you subordinates footsteps and heavy breathings running up and down the forest made you come back to reality. Why did your stomach turn just now? You looked slyly at Levi and rolled your eyes. Uh-huh, that was definitely not happening. You were not the kind of woman to get nervous around a good looking person, that was ridiculous. Completely out of your character. You definitely had no time for that bullshit. 


	3. Chapter 3

You looked at the Sun, it was already afternoon and your subordinates were tired and dizzy after a long training, even Levi, the one who never complained, felt exhausted. "One last time," you shouted telling them to run around an obstacle course you designed using the tall trees of the forest. When your squad was at least twenty metres far away from you, you liberated their horses letting them run towards the Survey Corps residency. You then jumped over your knight and waited for them patently.

After a pretty long wait they approached you. Heavy breathing, slow walking "Where are the horses?" The raven-haired was the only one with enough air in his lungs to murmur some words.

"Hmm..." you looked at the sky and sighed, "Considering their speed is around 37.5 miles per hour and you've taken like thirty minutes to come back, they must already be at the stable," you smiled as soon as you saw their desperate expressions. "You've got around fifty-eight more minutes till the Sunset, dinner starts in a couple of hours. Use your imagination," you pointed their ODM gears "I'll wait for you in the comfort of my office,".

"Are you kidding me?" the blond girl was trying to control her breathing, sat on the floor using her own hand as a fan, "You are not thinking about making us come back alone, right?" she raised her voice looking at you with pouting eyes. "We have used the gears all day... I don't think we have enough gas,".

"Indeed," you faced them sitting sideways the horse, "Listen, there's an expedition around the corner and you need to consolidate as a team, we've got no time and..."

"Cut the crap," Herbert stepped in front of her and looked at you, fire on his eyes. "You... " his hands trembled as he clenched his fists. Hange and Levi looked closely at his nervous movements, they stepped close, ready to take action if that man lost self-control and tried to hurt you. "You whore! You think this is funny?! You fucking..." you interrupted him abruptly by pointing his throat with your blade.

You clicked your tongue in annoyance, he was getting you on your nerves and, as a hot-blooded person, you had the temptation to kill him instantly. "You were the one who wanted to be a member of this brigade, I don't remember asking for you" you pressed slightly without hurting him, you couldn't do that as his superior. "Don't you ever disrespect me again, using that shitty cocky tone," you removed your weapon and sat properly on the horse. "Does anyone have a problem with my methods?" you asked loudly.

Hange smiled at you, Levi stayed in silence with his arms crossed, Dana stared at you in admiration, what you just did made her want to be like you, and the ginger clicked his tongue and kicked a rock. "See you later," you galloped heading the residence, you stopped once you were not too far from them and waited till you heard them coming. You were not willing to leave them completely alone so you would check up on them every 10 miles or so. Enough distance for you to hear them and for them to not see you. You knew for sure they would run out of gas, and that was the whole point. After seeing their movements and studying their fighting styles you could easily tell who had enough gas to reach the quarters. In addition, they were so tired after the training, they would probably use the ODMG as much as they could. In such condition they were forced to work as a team.

***

”Finally,” the brunette stretched their arms and looked at their colleagues with a bright smile “we did it,” they opened the door of the Scouts’ building “it’s not even dinner time yet”.

”I’m exhausted,” Dana pouted not being able to stand on her legs. “I need a shower” she cried.

Hange headed your office followed by the rest of the squad members. You already knew they were close by. With your hair tied up in a messy bun you immersed in a huge pile of paperwork. Having a new brigade was a synonym of more tedious work for you. In a small notebook you wrote about their performance in the forest. A tiny smile was drawn on your face as soon as you thought about your fight with Levi, you kind of wished you could rematch any time soon. A firm knock on the door made you return from your own little world. “Come in,” you said already knowing who was at the other side.

”Next time we’ll be faster,” Hange said putting violently their ODM gears on your desk throwing your paperwork over the floor. You frowned. “Go ahead,” they said asking the rest of the squad to put their gears over the table. “You wanted to see them, right?” 

“Sharp as usual,” you said standing up examining the gears writing down the quantity of fluid left on the cylinders. “How was the journey?” You asked without interrupting your labor.

”Exhausting,” the blonde sighed looking at you sofa as if it was the most appealing thing on Earth. You pointed it and asked her to take a sit, her sudden blush and sparky eyes made you smile sweetly.

”As you can see,” the ginger smiled proudly, “I still got plenty of gas” he pointed his equipment.

You looked at it almost in shock “6.4% left, quite impressive to be honest” you wrote it down, “what was your strategy to save it?” You asked arching a brow.

Hange patted the short man’s back and looked at you with a smile, “A piece of cake” you laughed at their attitude “you said you wanted us to cooperate, so we did that” they said raising their voice in excitement “The forest is 32 miles away, I used my equipment for the first 16 carrying Levi on my back and then we switched,” they pointed the other two cadets “they did the same,” 

“Good job,” you smiled proudly. When you took a look on Levi’s equipment you sighed. Judging his fluids movements and fight style you already knew he would be the one to spent the most gas yet you didn’t think it would reach 0.0%, “when did you run out of it?” You asked in a whisper.

“3 miles away,” he said with his usual stoic expression, although you could tell he was upset. You nodded and wrote it down. Dana’s and Hange’s tank gas were at their 1.5% and 3.1% respectively. 

“You can go have dinner,” you said smiling at them, “rest properly”.

“Yes” they said at the unison leaving your office, Hange had to wake Dana up who had immediately fell asleep as soon as her body found the comfort of your couch. 

Once the food's smell invaded the brunette's nostril, they knew they had reached Heaven. Taking some bread, vegetables and water they joined Mike, Erwin and Moblit who were already eating. "Hey Moblit, let's switch places" Mike asked once he realized the only seat empty for you was in front of him. He had the annoying habit of chewing with his mouth wide opened and you _detested_ that. 'I don't need to see the dinner dancing with your saliva, it's fucking disgusting' you said the first time you ate together. He still remembered your annoyed expression. 

"Y/n is probably not coming," Hange looked at Erwin and drank water as if their life depended on it, "She is in _that_ mood,".

The commander pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, "Already?" he chuckled lightly, "You should bring her some food," he knew you. When you were in _that_ special mood you would forget about time schedules and meals. At one point, some years before, you even forgot you had an expedition and Keith had to drag you from your office. 

"I would," Hange laughed with some tears dropping over their face, "but my legs don't respond!" they complained, "Her training almost killed me," she pouted looking at the Ackerman, "Could you go?" they asked receiving an arching brow as a response, "please?" they insisted with pouting eyes. 

Levi stared at them for a couple of minutes before making his eyes travel through the faces of his comrades. "What the hell is _that_ mood?" He asked only for them to grin and smirk.

"You'll see," Erwin gave him a dish with a piece of bread some vegetables and a glass of water. Hange added an orange and raised their thumb in a silent way of wishing him luck.

The onyx-haired clicked his tongue in annoyance feeling his colleagues' fix stares on his nape. Walking firmly without rushing he headed your office an knocked twice, "Y/n," he said in such a deep voice it made you jump from your seat. 

"Come in," you said rapidly. Once he opened the door he narrowed his eyes at the scene in front of him. The room he had seen not so long ago had changed completely its atmosphere. You were weirdly sitting in your chair, left knee bent and elbows over your desk which was full of papers. Writing, sketching and calculating incessantly you had already filled more than a couple of dozen of papers. "Ah, Levi," you said tearing your eyes from your work.

"Dinner," he tried to leave your food on the desk but there were too many thinks so he opted to leave it on the coffee table.

"Thanks," you said putting a pencil on your ear and mumbling some nonsense under your breath, "During those four expeditions..." you finally said resting your chin over your hands, "Had you ever ran out of gas?" having him in front of you made your job way easier.

He hummed trying to think about them, "On my first one Erwin commented I was using too much gas doing unnecessary movements," he looked at your papers, there were some sketches of the ODM gears and quite a lot of calculus, he didn't understand the using of letters from different alphabets and the writing of an infinitive varieties of equations and numbers. There was no way in hell a normal human being could have all that information in their head. "After my third expedition I got a 0.5% of gas left, I remember that" he whispered.

"I see..." you turned around facing your shelf and taking a thick book from it. His charcoal eyes couldn't help but review your back futures. He looked at your exposed neck and noticed a small scar on it. It was a weird spot to get wound when fighting a Titan, he thought immediately.

At that very moment Levi understood why Hange and you got along so well. You both were pretty similar. The passionate look they had when they investigated the titan’s nature and biology was the same one you had when you studied efficient ways to improve your success in expeditions. He slyly looked at your desk, he felt _oh_ so tempted to clean it. “I’m not really hungry...” you murmured biting your pencil.

You heard him click his tongue as he took the piece of bread and put it on your desk, over a ODMG sketch you just did. “As if I cared,” you looked at him fiercely.

”As if _you_ cared?” You parroted standing up almost tripping with your own chair, blushing at the fact of being clumsy in front of you subordinate. Specially in front of _that_ subordinate. 

He clicked his tongue once more and looked at the sketch, to be honest, it was really good. “It’s important to rest” he sighed.

”I know...” you took a deep breath and pointed at your files, “but I feel that, if I don’t write it down like right now I’ll forget everything,”

The man rolled his eyes and sat on the sofa crossing his legs. “What on Earth are you actually doing, anyway?” He couldn’t help but get pissed off by your messy place.

“I...” you scratched your head and avoided his fixed stare. “I’m trying to redesign the cylinder of the ODMG so it can store more gas”, you said almost in a whisper finally looking at him finding some curiosity in his eyes. He was interested. Like, he was genuinely interested. He had suffered of gas lacking and it annoyed the hell out of him so, seeing you try so hard to fix that issue, satisfied him.

“Is it possible?” He asked with his usual tone voice as he stood up.

”What?”

”Is it possible to store more gas and not altering dangerously the weight of the ODM gears?” He approached you and you noticed how his eyes were somehow wider.

You smiled in front of his curiosity, you took a bite of the bread he gave you and rested over your desk, “It is,” that statement made excitement travel around your back spine. 

“And..." he paused and looked into your eyes, "Is it possible to study it without living in a pigsty?” He passed his fingertips over your desk removing some dust, “I thought you cleaned it yesterday...” he sighed.

”Shut up,” with your arms crossed over your chest, you rolled your eyes.

Levi took a couple of steps closer to your window, "At least you used the glass cleaning liquid I told you...", you chuckled lightly and sat once again on your desk.

He looked at you with intriguing eyes. When Hange did their investigations they used to be scandalous and chaotic getting him on his nerves. However, you were different. Your teeth, slightly biting the tip or your tongue, your sparkly eyes moving a hundred miles per hour through all the documents, your forehead covered by a couple of playful locks slipping out your bun, your habit to shake the pencil when you were focused and your weird as fuck way of sitting were mesmerizing. In that very moment, wrapped timidly by the moon light, you looked absolutely stunning in his eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Stretching your legs felt good for a change. After a couple of days filled with hard training and fatiguing studying you needed a break. You were stubborn, and your _'break'_ was actually a quick short trip to the library looking for some books you needed for your tedious investigation. "Tomorrow's the expedition," you heard a familiar voice behind you, "you told your squad to take a rest and yet you are slinking from your room when it's past Midnight," you turned around and looked at Erwin pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, the sweet irony of life," you murmured as self-defense. Truth to be spoken, every time you shut your eyes memories from your former squad members invaded your mind. Blood, tears and sweat. Cadavers. Cries and yells of agony. In less than nine hours there was another trip to hell and you were not ready. You never got scared of crossing the walls yet, having people you cared about under your responsibility, made your heart beat in dread.

The commander patted your shoulder and looked at you sweetly, that stare always managed to make you feel safe. "Don't be tough on yourself," he said slowly before returning to his bedroom. 

"I'm trying..." you whispered, eyes fixed on the floor, clenching your fists so hard your nails caused a tiny injury in your palms. As soon as you stepped in the library, you rested on the door frame looking at the last person you expected to find there. Levi was energetically removing the dust of some shelves. You scratched your cheek approaching him slowly. _'Was he speaking with Erwin?'_ you asked yourself thinking about how weird was seeing the blonde walking around late at night during an expedition eve. 

What you had no clue of was that they had been having informal reunions these last nights. Levi had been bringing you food lately only so he could check up on you and inform Erwin about your state. You were not aware about your fucked up sleep schedule, only resting for three hours the day you slept the most. That was concerning. 

"Hey," you whispered grabbing the short's attention only receiving a firm nod as a response. You walked in front of the shelves taking a couple of thick science textbooks in the process, once your eyes spotted a familiar looking book you passed your fingers through the embossed author's name. Noticing Levi's presence, you jumped, "Fuck," you murmured putting your hand over your chest, "You scared me," his grey orbits were fixed on the book you just touched, narrowing his eyes wondering why you had such a concerned expression. "My father," you said sharply.

The Ackerman hummed taking the book and reading its title, "Humanity's history, volume II", with such a concise name it was pointless asking what it was about. He opened it in a random page only to you taking it from his hands causing him to click his tongue in annoyance. 

"Don't read it," you said almost in disgust. " _His_ words..." you stuttered, "Don't read them," your voice sounded fragile and low. "Unlike Science, History books tend to be subjective," you whispered. Those words reminded him of Erwin. Always questioning stuff like that.

Silver stare fixed on your features. You knew exactly what was in his mind. The same thing everybody thought as soon as they learned about your father being a writer. _'Only those who work for royalty and upper class people are allowed to write books'_ you felt a shiver as you patiently waited for him to say something. Anything. 

Silence. 

He was still looking at you in complete silence. Emotionless face. No intention to open his mouth. "My family doesn't define me," you said firmly recovering your composure. 

"I know," he said in a firm nod. Of all people he knew how you felt. Your origins definitely didn't determinate you as a person, if that was true he would still be considered a disgraceful felon from the Underground city. 

Something about his eyes made you realize he meant it. He was not trying to make you feel better by murmuring white lies, he was not that kind of person, he was speaking his mind. He indeed didn't care about your past. He was aware about your problems, there were so many loose ends in your character's traits he couldn't help but wonder what kind of life you had lived to be like that. He was curious about you but he didn't want to make you feel judged so he stayed in silence and decided to wait till you eventually talked about it. Deep inside you wanted to tell him about your life but you were not ready. Events not even Hange knew crossed your mind as you gently caressed your neck where the oldest scar of your body was. Losing some strength you let your books fall down causing a loud strident noise.

"Idiot," the man sighed and took them from the ground. "Tsk," he clicked his tongue removing some dust from the cover and headed the library's wide opened door. "Come on," he waited for you to approach him and helped you carry the books to your chamber in complete silence. Once there, you sat on your desk preparing mentally for a dense reading only for Levi to shut the book immediately in front of your face. "In a few hours we are going beyond the walls," his voice was deep and serene.

"I know," you murmured avoiding his stare trying to open the book once more.

His hand was firmly posed over the thick cover, "Can't your stubborn ass wait till we come back?" he raised his voice

You looked at him fiercely, "I can't," you failed in your attempt to pushing his hand away, "I'm afraid sleeping is not a part of my routine anymore," you passed your fingers through your silky hair and sighed. "When I close my eyes..." you whispered hugging yourself trying to find some comfort in your own arms, "When I close my eyes, death is the only thing I see," he silently thanked your honesty and removed his hand from your _fluid mechanics_ book. 

"I'd like to say tomorrow will be different," he came closer to you and touched your shoulder just to let you know you were not alone, "However, things will get harder. Comrades will continue dying in front of us," he slightly pressed his lips. "You already know that".

"You suck at comforting people," you chuckled lightly.

"I was not trying to make you feel better," he broke the contact walking towards the entry resting over the door frame, "You need to assume the reality, you can't bury your face in the sand eternally" he exited your office leaving you alone with those words playing on loop in your head.

***

"Uhh..." you covered your sore eyes with your arm and yawned. Slowly setting aside the sheets over your body, you sat on the edge of the bed fixing your stare on the wooden floor seeing your naked legs unfocused on the corner of your eyes. You had the habit of sleeping only wearing a loose shirt which was both comfortable and practical. After a sharp exhalation, you got ready and headed the canteen, you hated eating before an expedition but you desperately needed some tea. Only being there Erwin and some other captains made you feel nervous. Shit was getting real. You greeted them before taking a seat in front of the commander.

"Y/n," he grabbed your attention, "your squad is in charge of the front left wing," he pointed a map where the soldiers formation was drawn. You nodded and drank in silence. Your right leg was slightly shivering but you didn't want anyone to notice your anxiety so you opted to cross your legs and act cool.

It felt like an eternity but in just a couple of hours the Survey Corps were ready to part. Waiting for the wall Maria door to raise, you heard some children shouting your name. You looked at them quickly, it was unusual for people to actually cherish the scouts. When your stare met a young, not older than eight, boy's penetrating turquoise eyes you couldn't help but smile. You looked at her mother who was gently carrying him in her arms and nodded. ' _I remember why I'm doing this,'_ you took a deep breath. ' _It's for them'_ you tightened your grabbing on the ropes of the horse, feeling Levi's fixed stare in your nape. As soon as the door fully opened you galloped without looking behind, taking a deep breath you filled your lungs with the outside's air, you had to admit it was incredibly satisfying. You looked at Erwin's back, the emerald cape with the wings of freedom moving harmonically with the wind made you feel in peace.

Not even a couple of miles away from the walls, you pointed your left side ordering your brigade to follow you. You kind of felt nervous, being in the front line was risky. Looking at the members of your new squad you felt a heavy weight on your shoulders diminish. They were the strongest soldiers around. Your bond was build over blind trust foundations to the point you knew you could let your life in their hands.

Once your eyes spotted a 10m titan getting closer, you took a red flare bomb ready to shoot and warn the rest of the Scouts. However, Levi's sudden motion flawlessly killing the creature avoided your shot. You smiled proudly thinking about how he deserved being raised to captain. You would recommend him for sure after the expedition.

As soon as you saw green smoke coming from the right flank you changed the course of your route. "An abnormal..." you clicked your tongue and shot a black flare, receiving a green one as a response indicating the new directions. Feeling a perturbation on the ground you guessed the titan was following you, drawing your blades you stood on the horse facing the titan. Gerald, who was the one closest to it, did the same thing and used his gears to stuck on its neck, he was about to kill it. However, the titan managed to grab him. Without hesitation you head for action, you were about to reach the titan when your eyes saw your subordinate being eaten violently in front of you. A loud yell full of agony and desperation pierced your eardrum before you sliced successfully the titan's nape.

**Blood.**

You were covered in blood, not only from the creature you just killed but also from the young man _you_ were in charge of. "Keep moving!" you shouted as soon as you went back to your horse. You tried to maintain composure as you galloped without tearing your eyes from the front. You could clearly hear the squad's cries yet you knew that, if you demolished in front of them, they would break down instantly.

Entering a dense forest you broke the formation momentously so you could cross it freely. You hated the forests from beyond the walls. Once you went into it there was no way to know how many of your soldiers were killed till you got out. When the Sunlight reached you directly once again you looked behind making sure everybody was safe. "Captain," you heard Robert's voice getting closer. He galloped next to you, watery eyes and trembling voice. "Tell me captain" he raised his voice grabbing everybody's attention. "Give me a reason to live," a deathly silence was created among all of you. "Is there any?" for sure you would remember his pervasive desperate tone of voice. 

You continued your route feeling the gazes of you comrades, "I can't do that," you said as calmly as you could. "There are no _reasons_ to live," somehow you managed to stay cool and serene "You're alive precisely because you haven't died yet, a redundancy in terms," you clicked your tongue and followed the directions given by another green smoke."You are asking me to convince you to keep living," you looked at him directly in the eye, "I'm no one to do that, just stay alive because that's what you have to do," you gulped nervously as soon as you noticed an abnormal coming from the right side, _'it's coming from Raymond's squad location...'_ you trembled at the thought of them being killed. "Keep living, not only for you and your comrades," that little boy from inside wall Maria came into your mind, "Do it for humanity," you said before shooting the gears to the abnormal titan, cutting his head before having Levi slicing his nape in assistance. 

Hange was smiling at you, they were so proud of the great leader you had become they had the temptation of jumping off their horse and hugging you strongly. "You know..." Levi's deep voice attracted your attention, "You suck at comforting people," he said parroting your words from last night.

"Oh, shut up," you rolled your eyes.

Suddenly, you spotted a young girl coming from your right side galloping rapidly towards you. Bad news for sure. "Tell me cadet," you asked firmly once she was close enough to hear your voice.

You looked at her trying to remember her name, she just joined the corps so you struggled with it. Was it Helga? Hedi? Hedwig? Heather? "I'm a member from Raymond's squad," Ah, her name was Hannah. "Things are bad," you could tell that was her first expedition, "All of them are dead," she was holding back some tears, fighting against her running hard emotions, "I'm the only survivor," she couldn't help but cry, "I didn't know what to do..." she was sobbing out of control.

"Take a deep breath cadet," you said firmly "You're still alive," you pointed with your head the rest of your squad inviting her to stay near you. "Do not relax your vigilance," The girl nodded repeatedly trying to avoid more of her tears.

The Ackerman had his stare fixed on you, your movements, your fast decisions, your kind but strong words... he admired you. You were strong, brave, passionate. Even having inner demons and a severe anxiety your capacity of leadership was flawless. 

But the expedition was far from its end, and you knew from first hand, _Hell was definitely a place on Earth._


	5. Chapter 5

A sudden braking caused by Dana's loud cry. Herbert's yell in agony. The titan eating Dana's horse. Your firm motion heading for action. A precise shot of your ODMG reaching the titan's shoulder. Cutting its arm avoiding your subordinates becoming the creature's meal and reaching for them before they crushed onto the ground. Hange's help carrying them on the horses and making a tourniquet on Dana's bleeding abdomen. Levi's assistance killing the titan. His first failed attempt resulting in a deep cut on his left arm, his second attempt killing it successfully in a single movement. Its abnormal huge dead body hitting the soil provoking a raucous sound piercing your ears.

Those last minutes had been crazy and stressful. Your heart beating was increasing as your breathing got perturbed. You caressed your horse, clicking your tongue as you noticed its fatigue. Dana and _Levi_ were injured and the horses were tired. 

"Captain," Herbert, galloping with the blonde on his back, approached you rapidly. "Something... something’s wrong with her," he stuttered, "She's about to collapse and her body temperature is increasing," you looked at your squad and sighed.

You had now two options: the first one was to wait till you reached a river close by, about fifteen minutes away, let the horses rest and treat your soldiers' wounds. The second one was to send Herbert and Dana to the center of the formation, hoping everybody were still alive, and let them treat the girl and carry her in the carts while taking the rest of the brigade to the mentioned river. "Captain," the ginger was getting impatient.

You opted for the second option.

"Carry her to the carts," you pointed your right side. Herbert nodded and sped up towards that direction. "Levi," you looked at the short man, "How are you doing?".

He chuckled lightly, "Great," he mumbled. _'Liar'_ you could tell the pain was killing him, sweat drops all over his face betrayed him showing his true feelings.

A temptation of speeding up invaded your mind. But the horses wouldn't endure it. Fifteen minutes, the river was fifteen minutes away. The longest fifteen minutes of your life. As soon as you heard the water flowing you sighed in relief. Getting off the horse and tiring it on a tree you looked for a first-aid kit you always carried.

“Hange, Hannah and Robert," you pointed them respectively. "You're in charge of the surveillance while the horses rest and I treat Levi's injury," you swore you just heard his complaining yet you ignored him. "Shot a white flare bomb if you see a titan, we'll meet here after killing it," they nodded firmly before zooming away.

"It's not that bad," the ravenette sat on the floor resting the back of his head on a tree. 

"Let me see," you knelled next to him opening the kit. He took off his cape and jacket and rolled up his sleeve.

"You always carry that?" he pointed the first-aid kit "Are you a fucking wanna-be-doctor or something?" he stared your movements and shut his mouth. You first cleaned his wound slowly before taking a needle and a string, without any kind of pain-killer he was going to suffer. 

Looking at his eyes you gulped loudly, he nodded giving you a silent permission to proceed and pressed his lips suppressing any involuntary growl. "I know it hurts..." you said in whisper. You needed to close the wound with some stitches as rapidly as you could. However, your gentle fingers ghosting his skin affected him way more than the fact he was bleeding incessantly. "What?" you asked without tearing your eyes from your labor. you had been feeling his fixed stare over you all the fucking time and you were starting to get nervous.

"Nothing," he sighed looking away at last.

"Ah... don't tell me," you paused for a second to put the string in between your teeth as you closed the wound successfully, "You were _oh_ so drown in the infinite depth of my eyes," you teased him.

"Tch." he clicked his tongue as a response. Accepting the fact he was _indeed_ being mesmerized by your beautiful eyes shining under the afternoon Sunlight would have killed him for sure. 

Your eyes spotted white smoke from the side you sent Robert, you stood up quickly removing some dust from your pants, "We should get going," you checked the horses' health conditions. They needed more resting. Without saying a word you ran towards you subordinate and used the blades to kill the 12m titan in a single hit only to notice the young boy's lifeless body hang on a tree.

 _'Give me a reason to live'_ his words were written with fire in your brain's hippocampus. "Keep moving..." you said to yourself repressing some tears by biting hard your bottom lip letting it bleed slightly. In the distance you could see some green smoke. Its direction indicating you were returning to the walls. Storing your blades you ran to the river shore so you could meet your brigade.

Well, the remainders of your brigade.

Ignoring the light fatigue of the horses, you headed the rest of the troop. Long faces, cries, yells, deathly silence, cadavers, injured people, loose extremities, soldiers covered in blood... you would never get used to that. You approached Herbert and traveled your eyes quickly through the carts looking for Dana, the ginger frowned and shook his head. You desperately looked at Erwin's back.

The wings of freedom on his cape covered in fresh blood. 

***

Eyes fixed on the pill of paperwork over your desk. Around half a day had passed since the expedition finished, maybe more, you couldn't tell, the only thing you knew was that it was already night dark outside. You firmly rested your hand on the table in a useless attempt to control your shivering, reading Gerald's, Robert's and Dana's records made you realize how young they were. They were just kids. A tight knot in your throat obstructed your breathing. After a deep growl, elbows on the desk, you wiped your eyes expecting to feel some teardrops.

Nothing.

You hadn't been able to cry not even once that day. A sudden knock in the door made your body tense, you knew you had to say something like 'come in' or 'the door is open' but you couldn't find the strength. You let the visitor knock once more before murmuring a fragile "Yeah," as a response. Your voice had sounded so weak you were pretty sure they didn't hear you. 

"Hey," you recognized that voice immediately. You teared your eyes from the mahogany desk to meet with Levi's grey orbits. For a change, he wasn't bringing you food, you actually were quite sure it was passed dinner time, instead he had a pot of tea and a couple of china cups on his hands. Letting the strong tea aroma invade your nostrils you made some space on the table so he could put everything down. The only sound filling the room was the liquid being poured and the wind hitting violently the window. "How's your arm?" you asked finally opening your mouth.

"Better," he mumbled. You actually did a good job, the nurse said he only had to clean it properly twice a day to avoid any kind of infection and in less than two weeks he'd be able to return to action. "You haven't slept yet, have you?" he asked handing you a cup. 

You shook your head and sighed before taking the first sip. "Have you?" you didn't tear your eyes from the tea.

"Yeah," he whispered, "three and a half hours," you looked at him. There was a hint of a smirk in the corner of his lips, three and a half hours must be his personal record. "Breakfast is in two hours,"

"Breakfast?" you interrupted, how many hours had you been lost in your own thoughts? 

Levi clicked his tongue. He already knew you were not aware about how much time had passed yet, for you to confirming it, was a pain in the ass. When everybody was asleep, he found himself walking through the long headquarters corridors, as soon as he noticed the dim light from below the door of your room he couldn't help but get worried about your mental health. He then slept for some hours before drawing himself near your room again only to notice there had been no change. "Go to bed," he stood up and opened the door to your bedroom. 

You shook your head. Truth to be spoken, you were hell of scared of being alone. You would never say that aloud, but you had the desperately need to be comforted. Taking the tea pot away he grabbed your left wrist and forced you to stand up almost tripping over him. You tried to break the grabbing but he was way too strong, or maybe you just were too weak. Only letting your wrist go to step behind you and push you to the bedroom Levi's heavy breathing made you notice how tired he actually was. "St... stop," your voice stuttered for a second.

Once inside the dormitory, he rested on the door frame avoiding your possible escape back to the office. He pointed the bed without saying a single word. "I just..." _'I don't want to be alone...'_ you shut your mouth preventing unnecessary conversations. Deep inside you only wanted someone to pat your head and tell you that you did a good job and you could rest now. Telling you that everything will be fine.

He just rolled his eyes before approaching the bed and taking what it looked like your sleeping clothes. He handed them to you and frowned, "You don't have any other option,".

"Hey," you took the clothes and clicked your tongue in annoyance, "For now, I _am_ your captain," you complained. Erwin was about to raise him yet you still wanted to take the opportunity of bossing him around. 

"Then don't act like a brat, captain," he actually had a point. You were acting like a spoiled child.

"Turn around," you mumbled passing your fingertips through the smooth fabric from you pyjamas, "I need to change my clothes," you clarified looking at him doing what you asked. Having him so close made you feel nervous, he was a movement away to see you completely exposed. He just needed to move his head slightly to see your most vulnerable side. Just one simple movement and everything would change. 

On the other hand, the sound of the boots being unzipped, the clothes breaking its contact with your smooth skin and letting them fall on the bed made the Ackerman's heart beat faster and his mouth get dryer. Knowing you were just behind him made him close his eyes as a reflex action. "Done," you said as soon as you finished changing.

"Oh," he looked away and pointed at your body, "Put on some bottoms, for God's sake" seeing your partly naked legs didn't help him. The shirt was long enough to cover your thighs but it still was a reviling outfit. 

"I never wear them," you put aside the sheets and prepared mentally to sleep. "Hey..." you whispered as soon as you got into the bed. He looked at you and waited patiently for you to continue, "Nothing," you shook your head and rested it over the feathery pillow. "Good night," you whispered closing your eyes slowly. You knew he was about to leave the room, but you had the need to believe he'd stay next to you. You didn't want to see him part and leave you alone.

Levi waited for your regular and calmed breathing before sitting on the floor resting his back on the bedside. There was no way in hell he would leave you alone but you didn't know that. What you also had no clue of was that he stayed there all the time, looking at your parted lips craving some air, your closed eyelids making you look angelical, your slightly frown indicating you were not resting properly and your sudden movements changing positions almost throwing the duvet a couple of times. Sometimes, your breathing would start to accelerate and your forehead would be covered in cold sweat. When that happened he would just touch gently your shoulder to make you know you were not alone. At one point, a single tear had dropped over your cheek. When he noticed it he gently removed it with the back of his index.

Maybe, after all, he was not _that_ bad at comforting people.


	6. Chapter 6

**4 months later...**

”Finally...” you whispered with a huge smile on your lips. You showed Levi the ODM gears you just modified, eyes sparkling as ever. 

After tedious investigations and study you finally were able to design a new gas cylinder which increased its container capacity by a 33% only augmenting its weight 250g. Erwin gave you some old ODMG for you to try your prototypes. He could not give you brand new equipments so you had to use the ones of those who had died. You didn’t really feel comfortable with it but there was no alternative.

Levi got used to bring some tea and stay with you at night listening incessantly to your studies and sometimes showing some interest. Even Hange got jealous of it, when they talked about the titan’s investigations the ravenette would just ignore them. However, with you, it was different. He’d spend hours every night just listening to you talking about whatever theorem you were using for your calculations. He didn’t really understand what they talked about. Torricelli, Bernoulli, Newton... all those names were too odd for him. But you looked so immersed in your job he couldn’t help but get mesmerised by your excited talking.

At one point, a month ago, Levi was raised to Captain and got his own squad. He deserved it for sure, but somehow you got scared by the idea of him not helping you anymore with the damn cylinder gas study. However, he would still come every night. He stopped bringing you dinner, he would now force you to go to the canteen so you could eat with everybody and be sociable. You were thankful about it.

“Let’s try it,” he took the gears and headed the door.

”Wait,” you scratched your head, “are you going to use it?”

He rested on the door frame and looked at you arching a brow, “We have to try it”.

”I didn’t know _you_ would use it,” you pointed at him and sighed. 

“I am the one who uses the most gas,” he looked away from you, he was actually trying to control his slight nervousness, “If it works for me, it will work for the rest,” he said almost in a whisper “So, move your ass and let’s go”.

You nodded and gulped loudly. Having him trying your prototype was risky, you couldn’t help getting scared in front of the idea of it being a failure. What if it broke and Levi got injured? You were definitely not prepared for that scenario. “I can do it,” you said as you both headed the training field.

”What if there’s an accident and you hurt your ass? You wouldn’t be able to continue the investigation,” he exhaled sharply putting on the equipment. 

You didn’t know what time it was, for sure it was passed Midnight since you were completely alone under the night sky partly covered by light clouds and there were no lights in the cadet’s room. The wind was not cold yet you would be more comfortable wearing a cardigan. Seeing Levi adjusting the gears under the Moon light was an hypnotising image. His shiny hair covering part of his forehead, his focused eyes as vivid as a precious gem, his smooth skin under his casual clothes... you could not look away from him. 

“Tch.” He clicked his tongue, it was kind of difficult to adjust the equipment wearing those clothes. 

You rested on the headquarters brick wall and crossed your arms as you looked at the dark sky, “If Erwin knew we are here, he’d kill us,” you chuckled nervously. 

The onyx-haired had a hint of a smile on his lips. He stared you closely, without saying a word you already knew what he wanted to say. That was an _I-trust-you_ kind of stare. You nodded slowly as he tried his gears. His movements were smooth and agile, the weight change had no affect on his quick motions. However, he was not as fast as always, you could tell something was loose in his adjustment.

”Levi,” you called him firmly. He stopped in front of you, he was close -maybe too close- for you to think properly. Eyes fixed in his grey orbits, feeling the wind gently caressing your bodies and moving your hair under the dim moon light. “Let me... just...” you kneeled slowly as he stepped aside. A belt on his thigh was slightly loose so you fixed it. Your fingertips ghosting his skin and your heavy breathing, shivering because of the cool, caressing his leg made him find difficulties in maintaining composure. “Done,” you looked at his face meeting once again his gorgeous silver gems.

He hummed before trying the gears again. Ah. They worked. They worked smoothly. They were perfect. An involuntary smile was painted on your face as you watched closely his flawless movements.

“It works,” he said blandly, as if he already knew it was going to be perfect. 

“It looks like,” a deep voice behind you made you tremble.

”Erwin...” you whispered turning around slowly, almost in fear, as you heard Levi click his tongue.

The blonde looked at the short man, then he looked at you, Levi again, you again and him again before pinching the bridge of his nose and exhaling exhaustingly. “Do you know what time it is?” You shrugged. To be honest you had no idea what time it was. Something in between midnight and the Sunrise. “It’s 4 am,” now you knew it. “Look...” he closed his eyes before yawning loudly, “I know you both are night owls but you are quite loud here,” he couldn’t hide his proud smile though, “however, this new ODMG model looks pretty good,”. 

“I know, right?” You patted his shoulder. “And it’s light too, right Levi?” The mentioned one nodded as a response. 

“Tomorrow we’ll show it to Zackly,” the commander ruffled your hair. “Good job y/n,”.

”Thanks,” you saluted without dropping your cute smile.

The blonde turned around facing the building’s door, “Now, you two” he said before taking a step, “go to sleep,” you both hummed in response and watched him leave in silence.

***

Morning training was your favourite. The bright sun and cool breeze felt nice and it was not too hot to exercise. You took a deep breath as you stretched your arms and looked at Levi new squad slyly. Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunther. They were all really strong soldiers. Your stare met Levi’s who seemed as calmed and serene as always. “Good morning,” you greeted your brigade. Hange, Herbert, Hannah and the new members Angie and Joseph. 

“Good morning, captain” they all answered in unison. 

You had no idea of how Levi just smiled at you. A tiny proud and caring smile. That mere small gesture surely grabbed some of your subordinate’s attention. Specially Hange’s and Herbert’s. You asked them to train body-to-body combat like they used to do when they just joined the Scouts as you gave them some tips for increasing their agility.

”Can we talk?” The ginger asked when you took a break from the training.

“Sure” you sighed loudly. You detested the idea of speaking with him and didn’t even try to hide your discontentment. “What’s up?” You scratched the back of your neck as you walked with him to a quiet and lonely place. You were still close to the training field but far enough for you to have a private conversation.

”I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get close to someone like Levi,” he said almost in disgust. Those words had obviously annoyed you. What the hell was that? Why was he barking that bullshit?

”Did I hear you loud and clear, cadet?” You sounded like you just spited those words.

”Yes you did,” his audacity made you frown and clench your chin in anger.

”Who the fuck are you to decide who I can talk to?” You raised your voice slightly and stepped closer to him ready to fight.

He rolled his eyes, “you know which kind of people he is...” he looked around making sure you were alone, “he is not like us,” he pointed both of you.

You then remembered why you hated him so much. He was like your parents, he reminded you of your past and origins and you loathed that. “We are not different, stop being arrogant and assume you are not fucking special,” you growled as upset as ever.

”Y/n... I’m just trying to remember you who we are... who _you_ really are,” that way of thinking made your blood boil in fury. 

You clicked your tongue and took a couple of deep breaths trying to control your urgent need to punch his nose, “The fact that we’ve known each other for years doesn’t mean we share any kind of special bond,” you could tell that statement had an impact in him since he looked at you as offended as ever. “You’re here just to make my life a fucking living hell, you are resented because I didn’t want to marry you... it’s pathetic,” now you were just triggering your anger in him.

”I’m not here because of that...” for a second he looked vulnerable.

You crossed your arms in front of your chest and waited for him to continue his monologue.

“When we first joined the Scouts I really thought you liked Erwin, you know?” he chuckled “then I realised that was a ridiculous idea...” he clenched his fists reuniting some courage to talk, “some weeks ago I started to think you liked Levi, I told myself my intuition had failed me once again. You could never be fond on someone like him... a rat from the Underground,” you clicked your tongue, “but this time, I’m not wrong”.

You decided to stay in silence. You didn’t know what to say, you liked Levi? To be honest... you really did. How could you not like him? He was handsome and kind... and it was so sweet when he had small details with you like brining you some tea at night or helping with the investigations. He was, literally, the strongest human alive. You couldn’t help your fast heart beating when you were together and, for sure, your cheeks turned a shade pinker when your eyes met. For God’s sake, of course you had _a crush_ on him.

“What’s your point, Herbert?” You asked getting impatient in front of such a useless conversation.

He rested his back on the brick wall and looked at your feet unable to face you, “I...” he whispered, “what can he offer I can’t give to you?” His voice shivered like a leaf and you kind of felt bad about it. 

“Herbert...”

”I just don’t get it,” he interrupted you, “I feel so dumb,” he laughed nervously as a self defence action, “Why can’t you understand it? After all this time...” he was holding back some frustrated tears. 

“Hey...” you tried to comfort him by patting timidly his shoulder. You really felt bad about his current state. He was breaking down in front of you.

”Do you remember when we first met? How old were we? Eight? Maybe nine?” You nodded slowly as he proceeded. “As soon as I saw you I thought you were an angel, the most beautiful girl I ever met,” he took a deep breath. “My mom told me we would get married when we grew up and I felt so happy... I waited patiently, counting down days, years passed and I couldn’t stop thinking about you being my princess,”

You gulped nervously in front of that sudden confession. He was opening to you, talking about feelings he had you didn’t even know they existed. You tried to say something but your mouth didn’t want to cooperate. After all these years, you had never considered how he felt about those events.

“But then... the day before the wedding you ran away. I didn’t know why you hated me, was I that unlovable?” His voice broke. “I hated you, I wanted to hate you... but I couldn’t do that because I also hated the idea of hating you and I...” he silently bursted into tears.

”I had no idea...” you whispered patting his shoulder once more.

”Of course you had not” he slapped your hand, “I joined the Survey corps because of you,” he said in such a weak voice you almost didn’t hear him. “I wanted to know why you hated me so much...” he shook his head “I wanted you to love me,” he cleaned his tears with his sleeve, “now I understand you will never reciprocate my feeling”.

You pressed your lips not knowing what to say. You hated him... well, you hated what he represented and what he reminded you of. Your former life in Trost alongside your parents. Those people who made of you who you were, those negligent parents who ruined part of your mental stability and health. You could hate them as much as you wanted, but Herbert? What did that poor boy to you? He actually did nothing wrong... and you treated him like shit. “I’m sorry,” you said firm and serious “I am really sorry” you said once again from the bottom of your heart.

”I just...” he raised his hand preventing your talking, “I just wanted to let you know that I asked for a transfer,” he looked into your eyes. He tried to put a lock of your hair behind your ear but his trembling hand avoided that action. “I’m joining the Military Police,” you nodded slowly. “I needed to tell you how I really felt before leaving.”

”Thanks,” you whispered. He looked at you, pain in his eyes, before leaving in complete silence.

As soon as he joined his colleagues you exhaled sharply as if you finally released the air your were unconsciously holding in your lugs. Your eyes spotted Levi drinking some water listening to his subordinates speak vividly. You smiled timidly as he noticed you and narrowed his eyes. He knew there was definitely something wrong with you, you didn’t need to say anything for him to know your smile was fake.

Maybe it was the time to finally talk to him about your past and put up with its consequences. 


	7. Chapter 7

It was simple. Just knock, wait for his response and enter. That's it, that was all you had to do. And yet you felt so nervous. For a change, you were the one carrying a tea pot and a couple of mugs. It was still evening you haven't had dinner yet so, paying Levi a visit, was unusual. You always saw each other at night and it was either in your office or in the canteen... but in his place? That was weird. Trying to control your jitters you counted down from ten and took a deep breath. You firmly knocked twice, "Levi," you said after clearing your throat.

"Come in," his voice sounded deep. Maintaining your composure you opened the door firmly, seeing the onyx-haired doing paperwork in his, really clean and organised, desk was quite mesmerizing. "It's weird for you to come here," he murmured without tearing his eyes from the task. 

"Tea?" you approached him and left the pot on his desk, he carefully studied your expression trying to guess what were you thinking about but he only could figure out a single thing: something was wrong. Putting his papers aside and leaving his fountain pen in the ink pot, he served some tea for both of you and offered a seat on the sofa. While he walked towards you carrying the cups, you felt a shiver travel across your body. Unable to control your shaking leg you took the first sip of the hot beverage. "I..." you whispered, eyes fixed on the tea. "I... I'm quite a mess right now," you left the china on the coffee table.

"I can see that," he mumbled watching your clumsy unstable movements. You didn't know it but there was a playful hair stuck in between your lips, it could look messy but he found it adorable. 

You rolled your eyes and took a deep breath trying to choose the proper way to start the conversation, "I feel like my past self is suffocating me," you exhaled sharply passing your fingers through your silky hair, "Finding about Herbert's sudden transfer to the MP made me realize I've been hurting him with my selfishness," you had your eyes closed but you could tell Levi was listening to you without looking away from your face. "Hange..." you whispered opening your eyes and facing him, "Hange told you about what happened with him, right?"

He took a long sip of his tea and hummed, "I know the summary," he waited patiently for you to open up.

"I grew up in Trost," you finally said after some minutes in complete silence. "My father was..." you shook your head, "My father is a writer, he's a noble..." you said in a whisper. Usually when people knew about that, they would treat you differently and assume a lot of things about your life. Nothing. His expression was as plain as always and you thanked that from the bottom of your heart. "My mother is a trader, she was not a noble but she came from a wealthy family," you finished your tea and served yourself a second cup. "I had a comfortable childhood, I always had something to eat and I was well educated," you gulped loudly.

"Maybe that's why you are so fucking obsessed with people's eating manners," he said trying to defuse the tensed atmosphere you just created.

It worked. You chuckled lightly, "That's something important," you sighed, "Mike needs to learn to chew with his fucking wide mouth closed," you kind of saw a hint of a smirk in Levi's lips. "My parents only cared about one thing," you continued, "Having a neat appearance," you bit your lower lip. "We apparently were the perfect family. Good clothes, good manners, a beautiful house, a _loving_ atmosphere" you chuckled ironically. "Everything was fake," you pressed your lips.

The Ackerman stayed in silence, seeing you opening up to him was both good and sad. He felt lucky to know more about you and he felt thankful for your honesty. However, you being in the verge of tears a few inches close to him made his chest compress. 

"I studied for only God knows how many hours a day so I could always be the first in my class, I had to take chant lessons even though I hated it. I had to speak and act like _a lady_ since I was a fucking child..." you finished the tea, "I felt like a porcelain doll, unable to express myself and have my own opinion," you clenched your fists. "In addition..." you felt your body tense in front of what you were about to say next. 

A sudden knock on the door made you both click your tongue. Levi opened it almost aggressively, "What do you want shitty glasses?" he looked annoyed.

"It's..." the brunette looked slyly inside the room and spotted your silhouette on the sofa, "Oh... sorry to interrupt," they blinked as the man rolled his eyes and pushed them away, closing the door on their face. "It's dinner time!" you heard Hange say.

"Fuck dinner," the ravenette sat next to you once again.

"Fuck dinner?" you parroted.

"We'll join later, they can wait," he crossed his legs and waited for you to proceed.

Having that conversation was hard. You haven't talked about that for ages and felt the words stuck in your throat. You met Levi's silver stare and felt completely serene, his mere presence had such an important effect over you it was unbelievable, almost like he had been sent by an angel only for you to be with him. "My mother was unstable," it was weird for you to say that. Your parents always told you that it was important not to talk bad about family to outsiders so you always tried to seem neutral about them but, truth to be spoken, you hated them. "She had concerning mood swings," you gently touched your neck scar grabbing the Ackerman's attention. "One day she'd wake up calmed and loving... but another day she would be yelling at me and breaking things or..." you paused and gulped loudly, "She was a violent woman,"

"That scar," he pointed at your neck, "Was it her?"

You nodded, "I was having breakfast while my father asked me some school related questions," you chuckled, "I answered wrongly once... it was enough for her to hit me with a burning steel stick," that was the first time you said that aloud.

He took a deep breath and changed his sitting position so he could face you better, "What about your father?" he asked. How could a person do nothing in front of such an abusive situation against his own daughter? That was something he couldn't understand.

"At first..." you put a strand of hair behind your ear, "At first, when I was a child, he was a loving father," Levi widened his eyes in surprise, he was not expecting that, "We would play guessing in which mood was my mother before having breakfast and he used to read me every day before sleeping," your tiny smile was erased in a blink of an eye, "But then... once he finished his first book he started to drink," your hands were shivering violently, "He became an alcoholic, forgetting about me and becoming a cold and distant man. I lost him without losing him... I don't know if that makes sense" you stared him looking for some comprehension. 

"I know what you mean," he whispered as a way of comforting you.

You nodded slowly, "The icing of the cake was when they told me they had arranged a marriage for me," you clicked your tongue in annoyance, "They talked about it with Herbert's parents even before I was born," you felt nauseating, "They had stolen my childhood but I was not willing to give up on my future so I escaped home. I didn't have a place to go nor a person to trust..." you shyly looked at Levi's cape hang on the door, "And I saw them. The wings of freedom," you smiled at last, "There was an expedition and the Survey Corps were waiting to cross wall Rose, galloping on their horses and willing to give their lives for humanity beyond the walls... I suddenly understood what it meant to be free" you scratched your cheek, "I saw Erwin's back, he was still a cadet. Can you imagine it? The great commander being only a novice," your laugh sounded angelical once again, "so I decided to join," you exhaled sharply.

It felt so good to talk about that.

Levi cleared his throat, rested his elbows on the coffee table and took a deep breath, eyes fixed on the mahogany wood. "That's... quite a lot of information to process," your life had been exactly the opposite of his. Living with both parents, getting education, wealth, not having the necessity to fight for eating and surviving... and yet, he felt bad for you. You lacked freedom. In that cruel world, humanity lived between thick walls so the word _freedom_ was quite confusing and diffused. And still, you were robbed of the small amount of it you could have had. "Thank you for sharing it with me," it was strange for him to say those kind of things. "It must have been difficult," you smiled timidly. 

"We... we should go to the canteen," you stood up still crestfallen. 

The captain sighed loudly and narrowed his eyes, "Fuck dinner," he said once again stilling a light laugh from you. "I guess..." he whispered standing right next to you, fixing his stare in your eyes, "I guess I don't really suck at comforting people," you laughed once more.

"You really do," you said breaking the stare, spotting the empty tea pot in the verge of the table. The sudden thought of his nocturnal visits ending because the gas investigations were over made you shiver. "We should find a new activity," you took the tea set, "For our nights together," you widened your eyes at the realize of how _that_ just sounded. "I didn't mean that kind of activity!" you shouted accidentally dropping the porcelain pot and mugs breaking it in a hundred pieces, "Oh, fuck!" you could tell his aura just changed to a more sinister one, "I am sorry, I'll get a mop!" you didn't know what to do, you were moving nervously doing odd motions with your hands unable to face him. You walked towards the door, grabbed the handle and finally looked at him, "I really like spending time with you..." you whispered before leaving the room.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid..." you cursed yourself as you headed the broom cupboard.

"Y/n," you stayed still and turned around in slow motion hoping for Levi to not be too angry.

"Yeah...?" your voice sounded weak. You knew he could be really scary... specially when it came to cleaning. 

He rested on the door frame and crossed his arms, "Bring the glass liquid cleaner, we'll also do the windows," his usual monotonous voice didn't denote any kind of upsetness. You continued your way to the cupboard feeling Levi's fixed stare in your back. Something in your head told you he was checking you out, but you were way too nervous to verify it.

Screw it.

You turned around abruptly and caught him looking away rapidly. "I saw you, _Levi_ " you smirked purring his name as he clicked his tongue.

"Shut up, brat" he murmured before shutting the door and letting you resume your walk with a tiny cute smile over your slightly flushed face.


	8. Chapter 8

"Mike," you said firmly creating a deathly silence among your colleagues and making the man shiver in fear, "Close your fucking mouth," you took a sip of your hot tea as he ate and recovered his basic human manners.

"Hey!" Hange sat next to you almost breaking the wood chair and took your hands waving them energetically, "Guess what?" they couldn't stop smiling.

"What?" you asked arching a brow feeling a bit uncomfortable in front of their tight grabbing.

The brunette chuckled, broke the contact and adjusted their glasses, "I am a captain, now" their voice drop an octave, they somehow sounded seductive. You already knew that, you were the one who recommended her. 

"Congratulations," you hugged them feeling deeply proud of your best friend. They definitely deserved it. 

"Speaking of good news," Erwin's firm voice grabbed your attention, "the usage of your ODMG prototype has been approved by the council," your eyes widened in joy.

You rapidly looked at Levi who had a hint of a smile on his face, "Yes," you clapped your hands and giggled. That definitely was another small victory for humanity. You felt so happy about it, you finally could say you had been useful for the Survey Corps.

You looked at Erwin and nodded. You both had talked about Hange's promotion and how you would celebrate it. It was unusual to congratulate someone because of that but, for God's sake, it was Hange Zoe, one of the people you both loved the most. So, of course you wanted to celebrate it even if it was by doing a mere simple reunion.

You had arranged with the commander a little plan. He was too busy with his work so you had the whole responsibility of it. The brunette liked sweets, it was hard to find them but you knew they used to have them when they were a child. You agreed to buy some and get booze for that night. It was a simple reunion, in small committee, only the closest friends. After dinner, Erwin, Hange, Mike, Moblit, Levi and you would go to the roof and look at the stars while chatting and drinking, it was important to have this kind of encounters, specially when none of you was sure when you were going to die. 

"Levi..." you whispered as soon as you finished breakfast, approaching him slyly as the rest of the group headed the training field, "Levi," you raised your voice.

"What?" he looked at you without changing his usual plain expression. Both of your squads had the day off, as captains you had a lot of paperwork to do but that could wait some hours.

"Let's go to the village," you whispered looking around making sure Hange was not near you.

"Why?" he crossed his arms and rested on the wall. He actually had planed going to the village that afternoon, he had heard there was a new mop on the market and he needed to get it as fast as possible. He even had Gunther sent there a couple of days ago to book it in case they sold out. You smirked before grabbing his arm and dragging him outside the building, "Oi! Brat! Where are you taking me?" he tried to break the contact... well, he actually pretended he was trying to get rid of you but, if he really wanted to do that, he could have easily done it earlier. 

"Stop calling me a brat," you mumbled "I am just a couple of years younger than you," you stopped as soon as you reached the stable. You rode up the horse and looked at him with a smile, "We'll stop by the cleaning products shop," you gained his full attention.

He took a rope and smirked, "Of course we'll do," he said riding the horse heading the small village near the headquarters. Galloping when there was not an expedition felt really different, wearing casual clothes and not carrying the gears gave you that freedom feeling you desperately craved for. Living inside the walls delineated your movements yet it felt so good being able to just travel around and feel the wind caressing your face. 

“We need sweets and booze and maybe I could buy a little present or something,” you mumbled as you tied the horse on a stable near a bar. 

Levi tied his horse next to yours and looked at you arching a brow, “our first stop is Mark’s shop,” he saw your puzzled look, “he has the best cleaning products,” he said as if you should already know that.

”Oh... yeah... sure... old mate Mark,” you rolled your eyes and followed him to a cozy small shop. 

As soon as you stepped inside, the shopper came close with a smile. “Captain Levi, nice to see you again” he gave him a handshake, “Oh! Nice to meet you, Captain y/n,” he then gave you a handshake and smiled. He was nice.

The onyx-haired scratched his cheek as he took a couple of cleaning products. You looked at him sweetly with a tiny smile drawn on your face. You adored seeing the humanity’s strongest being a dork cleaning freak. “Hey,” he approached you showing you a liquid glass cleaner, “Remember this brand,” he looked so serious, anyone would assume he was talking about something important, “It’s the best one in the market,” he looked at the shop owner, “One of my subordinates came the other day and ordered a mop, right?”

”Yes sir,” Mark showed him a brand new mop. You could tell Levi’s eyes were sparkling in joy.

”I also want these,” the Captain put almost six liquid bottles, a broom, some rags and a dust remover on the counter. 

You laughed lightly as he paid for the products and helped him carry everything. A tiny smirk revealed his contentment and pride after acquiring all that. “You got everything you wanted?” You asked in a whisper.

”Yes,” he answered staring you firmly, studying your beautiful features under the midday bright Sun. “Where should we go next?” He whispered looking behind you for a second and narrowing his eyes as he spotted something suspicious. “Wait here.” he took a couple of steps to a dark alley.

”Where are you going?” You stepped in front of him.

”Actually, give me these” he took the cleaning products you were carrying, “I’ll come back in a second,” he looked serious.

You sighed and scratched the back of your neck, “Don’t you dare leave me here,” you chuckled.

The man nodded before resuming his path. He clenched his fists, “Oi!” He yelled grabbing some people’s attention, “What are you doing here?” He arched his brow as he gave them the products he just bought.

”Captain,” Petra was the one who spoke looking slyly at her squad’s colleagues. “We thought we were supposed to go shopping with you,”

Levi crossed his arms and sighed, “Really?” He rolled his eyes, “Tell me..." he exhaled sharply, "What are you actually doing here?” He parroted lowering his voice tone, “Eld,” he looked at the second in command.

”We... we were... curious?” His voice trembled, once he saw Levi’s discontent face he proceeded, “It was Oluo and Petra’s idea,”

”Hey!” They both yelled at the unison. “We were curious about what kind of dates had the Captain,” said the man before accidentally biting his tongue. 

“It is weird to see the humanity's strongest having dates... however, I’m not surprised you asked her to shop cleaning products with you. You lack romanticism” Petra sighed.

The Ackerman clicked his tongue as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “This is not a fucking date,” he said using his usual monotonous voice, “and it was actually her who asked me to come,” that statement made his whole brigade feel disappointed. 

”Captain...” Gunther patted his shoulder almost feeling pity for him. “You are lucky she is a patient person,”

”That woman a patient person?” He laughed lightly, “she’s hot-blooded and stubborn,” he took a deep breath. “Look, I don’t really care about what is in your brats’ dirty minds, but you should use your plenty of free time to go back to the headquarters and store everything I just bought,” he turned around walking towards where he had left you, “I want the corridors and your rooms to be as clean as ever,” he mumbled before going out of the alley receiving a firm _'Yes sir'_ as a response.

You looked at him with a frown and arms crossed, “Is everything okay?” You asked, concern in your eyes.

”Yeah,” he looked back for a second and faced you once again, “Some brats offered to carry everything,” he sighed. You didn’t understand what he was talking about but didn’t dare to ask about it.

”We need to find sweets,” you whispered, “booze will be the last thing we’ll buy,” you started walking across the Main Street looking for possible places where that kind of food could be found.

Nothing.

You looked around for almost three hours and you could not find anything that could satisfy Hange’s sweet tooth. “Just forget it,” Levi scratched the back of his neck, “we’ll only get the drinks,” he mumbled.

”No way,” you shook your head, “If we give Hange some sweet food they’ll definitely go crazy and... we’ll also be able to enjoy them after such a long time,” you smiled as you thought about the last time you ate chocolate. It was before joining the cadets, you had been invited to a formal dinner with some of your parent’s friends. You wore an uncomfortable ugly dress, you had to look nice and talk to people you didn’t care about. You even had to laugh at their snobbish bad jokes... but then you ate chocolate. It was like a miracle, that stupid ballad had been worth it.

”It’s not that important,” he sighed, “I bet sweets are not that good...” 

“Wait,” you stepped in front of him narrowing your eyes, “You have never ate them?” You asked genuinely as he shook his head, “We have to find some, we can go to another town and look for them,” you spotted your horses not too far from where you were standing, “you have to try them,” you just decided something important: No matter what, Levi would eat some chocolate. It sure wasn’t a big deal for him but you had the need to make him know how good it tasted. It was your way of showing him the beauty in that fucked up world you lived in. 

"Is it worth it?" the raventte sighed and complained before riding up the horse.

"It is," you said galloping hurriedly to the next village. It was not that far but you still needed a solid amount of twenty minutes to reach there. You knew Levi probably didn't have a sweet tooth yet you desperately wanted to see him eating chocolate for the first time, it also felt like a silent thank you for his help these last months. Once you arrived there, you tied the horse and stretched your arms. Your eyes rapidly spotted a big cafeteria, it looked expensive and quite snobbish. The perfect place to sell limited food like chocolate and sweets. "I think we're lucky," you pointed the building and giggled.

The Ackerman gulped loudly, crossed his arms and followed you in silence. He hated that kind of snobbery atmosphere. As soon as you entered the place, a pleasant tea aroma invaded your nostrils, you saw some aristocrats and nobles enjoying their meals as they looked slyly at you and murmured blatantly. Levi clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, "We are not welcomed here," he spitted those words in disgust.

"Excuse me," you grabbed a waitress attention, "We'd like to take a sit and taste some of your best chocolate," the worker arched a brow and looked at you up and down a couple of times.

"Chocolate is quite expensive, miss," she said outlining a fake smile.

You took a deep breath, you hated that kind of attitude. You could tell Levi was repressing his urgent need to start a fight. "I think you don't really understand," you took a golden necklace from your pocket and showed it to her, it looked expensive and shiny. A pendant with your family emblem in gold was ornamented by a couple of red gems making the woman widen her eyes. 

"I'm sorry madam," the waitress bowed before you put the necklace back in your pocket, "Would you like some tea?" she accompanied you to a small wooden table next to a window and bowed a couple of times.

"Yes please," you said as she went back to the kitchen. Once you saw Levi smirk you couldn't help but blush, "What?" you asked in annoyance.

The onyx-haired pointed your pocket, "That's a nice jewel you got there," he said, "I'm sure people from the black market in the Underground will pay a lot of money," You chuckled.

"Probably," you shut your eyes and smiled, "But, for now, I can still give it some use to it," you waved your hand before resting your elbows on the table and leaning towards him, "I'm not a noble anymore but I still have this fucking surname so I want to take full advantage of it,".

Levi frowned and lowered his voice, "You lost your nobility title?" he asked slowly.

You stayed in silence letting the waitress serve you some tea and put a couple of chocolate bonbons on the table, "When I joined the military forces I had to renounce to it," you said as soon as the worker left you alone, "Best decision of my entire life," you took a sip of the beverage. You licked your lips, accidentally grabbing the man's attention, that was definitely the best tea you had ever had. 

The Captain drank in silence, eyes fixed in the sweets resting on a silver plate. You smiled at his unusual innocent look and took a piece of the darkest chocolate, you could tell it was going to be Levi's favourite. Not to sweet and kind of bitter. As you took a bite, he looked at your lips move harmonically before overlining a cute smile, "Delicious," you said offering him some. He hummed as he inspected the food you just gave him, you looked at him expectantly waiting for his reaction, "Come on," you were getting impatient. 

He exhaled sharply and ate the dark chocolate piece. His usual stoic expression made it hard to tell if he was enjoying it, you rested your chin over your hands and stared him unconsciously murmuring an annoying _'mmm' ._ Once he swallowed he stayed still for a second before taking another piece stealing a huge smile from you, "I knew it," you laughed, "I fucking knew it," you gained some other people's attention.

"We'll take the darkest one," he mumbled finishing his tea.

"Hange also loves these," you pointed a lighter colour bonbon, "Try it," you didn't need to tell him. As soon as you pointed it he was already willing to eat it. Once the bonbon touched his tongue, a small frown was shown in between his eyebrows.

"Too sweet," he swallowed loudly. You smiled and looked at him with fondness eyes, he looked adorable. _Adorable._ It was a weird word to use when you thought about him. You usually pictured him as handsome, attractive and even seductive. But, adorable? That adjective didn't suit him at all and yet it was the only thing you could think about. How adorable and cute he looked right in that moment.

"Excuse me," you grabbed the waitress attention once more, "I'd like two boxes of the darkest chocolate and one of the sweetest," you asked. The worker bowed once more. You stood up and headed the main door followed by the raven-haired. Before going out you took the sweets and paid for everything. "Now we need to buy some alcohol," you took a deep breath and looked at the Sun, it was already afternoon.

You then stared at each other in silence, both of you had the same exact thought: It was nice spending a day off like that. Something about being together felt good, you were used to see each other inside the headquarters walls or at training and expeditions so being able to just walk around doing trivial things like shopping or having tea was special. That kind of situations made both of you think about each other in a slightly different way you didn't expect. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel this story is not getting a lot of feedback 😅 I feel kinda insecure not knowing if I’m actually doing a good job

Having a good time with your friends late at night on the rooftop under the stars eating chocolate, chatting and drinking booze was the perfect combo for you to get incredibly drunk. You could handle alcohol yet it was nice to loose control every now and then. Specially when someone like Hange was with you. If you two were together... things would get dangerous. Therefore, if you were drunk, things would get really dangerous. And fun. 

“Wait, wait,” the brunette grabbed you by the shoulders, “he was... more... more like...” they did a weird anger grimace making you laugh loudly.

“I love your Keith’s... impr... impre... imitations,” you patted her back not being able to control your laughter. 

Levi clicked his tongue and crossed his legs. He was sat next to Erwin looking at that unusual scene. Hange and you were shouting and laughing while Moblit was trying to calm you down and give you some water. On the other hand, Mike was suffering a small existencial crisis caused by the alcohol sat on the floor hugging his legs.

“Hey!” The tawny-haired looked at you and frowned, “Cadet Y/ln! How dare you start a fight in the dormitories?!” They were recreating an old story from your early days in the Survey Corps, “You are punished to clean the corridors every day for the rest of your useless life! Take a broom princess!” They yelled.

”Oh God,” some tears were dropping from your eyes caused by your loud chuckle. Your stomach was hurting as hell, “I totally... forg... forgot about that stup... stupid nickname,”

”Princess,” Hange teased you and put their arm around your shoulder almost making you both fall.

Erwin sighed and stood up approaching you firmly, “You both are too loud,” he scratched his head.

You both looked at each other and had the same exact idea. You cleared your throat and gave him your best salute. Rigid back, firm stare and clenched fist. “ _Shinzo wo sasageyo_!” Both of you yelled before bursting into a loud piercing laugh. You swore you heard a cadet opening his room window and cursing you.

”They share the same defective brain cell,” the ravenette sighed.

The blonde couldn’t help but laugh, it was nice seeing you both having such a nice time and enjoying yourself for a change. On the other hand, Levi looked at you slyly as he pinched the bridge of his nose murmuring a light “Unbelievable” under his breath.

Hange climbed the rooftop’s ledge, grabbed your hand and helped you to do the same. Moblit and Erwin approached you, fearing the worst scenario they were about to make you both get off of there. “We are fine,” you mumbled as you jumped and put your arm around Hange’s shoulder.

”We are strong captains after all,” the brunette stuck out her tongue. 

“If your asses fall from this distance, your subordinates will find it hard to look at your disfigured faces,” Levi stood up and approached you, arms crossed over his chest, arched brow and tired face.

You clicked your tongue and pointed at him, “How come you are... you are not drunk?” Your voice sounded acute, “We drank the same quantity,” you complained.

”It’s impossible for alcohol to have an affect on my actions,” he said narrowing his eyes looking at your clumsy motions and your slight pink cheeks.

”Lucky bastard,” you mumbled.

Mike finally joined you again after his short crisis and patted the commander’s shoulder, “People might think life is a present but in reality it is just a condemn,” he created an awkward silence among all of you. 

“I think it’s time for us to get going,” Moblit grabbed gently Hange’s waist and carried them on his shoulder, “I’ll... I’ll just help them to reach their room without any accident,” he scratched his slightly blushed cheek.

”Good night!” The brunette screamed waving at you.

”Good night, Hange!” You yelled back before having your wrists firmly grabbed by Levi who forced you to get off the ledge.

The Ackerman looked at your constant pouting and sighed, “you should go to bed too,” he ordered.

”Huh?” You broke the grabbing and passed your fingers through your hair, “I’m okay,” you tried to sound serene.

“Yeah, sure,” he rolled his eyes and looked at Erwin who was comforting a loud Mike crying his heart out, “Should I take her to her room?” He asked.

”Yes please,” the blonde took Mike’s arm and put it around his shoulder, “I’ll take him,” he sighed before heading the rooftop’s door, “Good night,” he said exiting the place leaving you both alone.

”Good night!” You waved at him even though he had already left. Levi took your arm and, mirroring Erwin’s gesture, he put it over his shoulder so he could help you walk properly. “Someday I’ll see you drunk,” you whispered resting all your weight over him making you both stagger.

”Fuck,” he cursed leaning on the wall avoiding a fall. “You are so wasted,” he took your arm once again and faced you. Even though you were in that lame state he couldn’t help but think about how beautiful you looked. After being lost in the deepness of your eyes for a couple of minutes, he turned around and kneeled. “I’ll carry you,”.

You widened your eyes in surprise. Your heart beat increased dangerously and your mouth felt dry. “You sure?” You purred dragging both the _s_ and the _r_.

”Come on, brat” he got impatient. You nodded as you took a deep breath and climbed his back. You put your arms around his neck and rested your head on his nape, closing your eyes and inhaling his aroma. As you thought, he smelled good. He grabbed your thighs firmly so you could balance, that sudden contact made you tighten the grabbing almost choking him.

He walked down the stairs in complete silence hearing your incoherent murmurs and growls. “You smell quite good,” you shut your eyes and whispered into his ear making him shiver in front of that unexpected and sudden gesture.

”Shut up,” he jumped lightly avoiding you to fall once more.

You laughed vividly. That beautiful sound made him grin “you should smile more often, you know?,” you mumbled patting his cheek.

”Keys,” he said as soon as you reached your chamber door. Deep inside, he wanted to be with you for more time.

You gasped sharply and murmured an annoying ‘ _mmm_ ’ as you thought about where you put it, “Right pocket,” you finally said tightening the grabbing inhaling his smell once more.

He hesitated for a brief moment before looking at your thigh. He studied his future movements to avoid any unnecessary touch and proceeded his motion. As fast as he could, he put his hand into your pocket and searched the key.

”I meant my cardigan pocket,” you chuckled.

”Idiot,” he clicked his tongue, “you could’ve told me earlier,” he took a deep breath and reached for your cardigan pocket. Once he spotted the key, he unlocked the door and opened it with a firm kick. He silently thanked God for the bedroom door to be open so it became easy to cross the office. Once you were in your bedroom, he gently left you over the bed and looked for you sleep clothes. He slyly looked at your calm and sleepy face and chuckled lightly, “maybe you should drink more often... that’s an efficient way to make you rest properly at night,” he said giving you your pyjamas.

You laughed as you took the clothes and asked him to turn around. “You know...” you whispered taking off your shirt with some difficulties. “You... you still owe me a fight,” you chuckled.

”I know,” he answered, eyes fixed on the wooden ground.

You hummed and put on your pyjamas, “Oh... maybe you are scared of losing against me?” You teased before letting him know you were dressed. 

”Oh, yeah, definitely” you were already used to his snarky comments. He turned around and helped you lay down before taking a duvet from the pine cabinet.

You shut your eyes as he covered you. You felt dizzy, the room was twirling and your head was blurred. For sure you were going to get a hangover the next day. You felt you stomach tightened and your throat burn “Fuck...” you mumbled opening your eyes. “Fuck,” you repeated standing up abruptly and rushing to the bathroom shutting the door violently behind you. 

“Hey,” Levi knocked once, “Are you okay?” He seemed worried.

”Do not enter!” You yelled before throwing up, grabbing the toilet lid for balance.

The Ackerman rested his head on the door and stayed in silence hearing those disgusting and concerning noises you were producing.

”Get out,” you said. It was embarrassing for you having him hearing everything. 

You heard him click his tongue and open the door. You got tense and told him to go away once more. He ignored your request and kneeled next to you. “Stupid brat,” he growled before gently caressing your hair and pulling it back in a pony tail.

”Sorry...” you said before throwing up once more.

He chuckled fixing his eyes on your back. It was a simple loose shirt and yet it managed to make you look so good. Not wearing any kind of bottoms made it a plus, it was extremely seductive. He shook his head avoiding those kind of thoughts. “Better?” He asked once you stopped vomiting.

You nodded, he left your hair and helped you to stand up. Without saying a word and not being able to face him you approached the sink. You looked at yourself in the mirror before cleaning your face. You realised your biggest ~~and ugliest~~ scar could be partly seen and felt kind of uncomfortable about him seeing it, so you caressed your arm in an attempt to hiding it. Levi came close to you and put your hair at one side, over your shoulder. He then wetted his hand and caressed your head and nape. That was an efficient way to avoid nauseous.

”Sorry...,” you whispered crestfallen still unable to look at him.

He hummed in response and continued his labor ghosting your neck scar with his fingertips. “You know,” he smirked, “Princesses don’t do such disgusting noises,” he teased.

“Fuck off,” you yelled finally looking at his reflection on the mirror. He was smiling. That image made you smile back as you felt a warm feeling over your chest. Your eyes met, piercing his soul with your gaze you chuckled and passed your fingers through your hair once more. “Thank you,” you turned around and finally faced him.

“I feel like a fucking babysitter,” he rolled his eyes and went back to the bedroom followed by you in silence.

You sat on the bed and looked at him with a dork smile. You moved your legs kicking the air as if you were a child, “Hey,” you grabbed his attention, “You wanna stay the night?” You asked widening your smile. He gulped loudly, not knowing what to say, he felt his hands drown in sweat and his stomach tighten in nervousness. “Just kidding” you burst into a loud laugh.

He clicked his tongue, “Stop fooling around and rest,” you absolutely adored his deep voice when he pronounced that word. _Rest_. It was simple, four letters, a single syllable, yet it sounded so good when he said it.

“Ooookay,” you laid on the bed covering yourself with the duvet.

He sighed loudly proud of finally being able to make you go to sleep. “Good night Cinderella,” he said heading the door.

You laughed vividly without tearing your eyes from him. He switched off the light before leaving your place letting you sleep peacefully with a sweet semipermanent smile on your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter gave me a lot of serotonin 🥺


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are really appreciated ❤️

**Three months later...**

The nights before an expedition somehow felt longer and colder. You were not scared yet not knowing if you or your friends got to live one more day made you feel anxious and uneasy. In addition, that was the first time the Survey Corps would be using your new ODM gears prototype. That scared you. They worked well, the cadets had already trained with them and everybody seemed to be used to it. However, the constant thought of you being the responsible of someone's death caused by a malfunction was in your mind. "Y/n," Levi's voice made you jump a little returning from your thoughts. "Dust," he simply said pointing at your desk.

You had the new habit of cleaning the night before an expedition. Levi always did that and it seemed an efficient way to distract you. Being a Captain in the Survey Corps was hard, you were fully aware of that but if your life could be useful for humanity you were sure about you were doing. _"You never know if you'll survive an expedition but, at least —if you come alive— your dormitory will be clean"_ the raven-haired told you not too long ago. You now used to spend your nights together, either reading in silence or having some tea and chatting. You spent all day waiting for the Sun to set so you could finally be alone. You used to hate night, the insomnia and constant nightmares hunted you incessantly, you even were kind of scared of darkness but -since you met Levi- night became your favourite part of the day.

Once you finished cleaning your desk you spotted the man's silver stare fixed on the top of a cabinet. Arms crossed, narrowed eyes and slightly parted lips. You stopped by his side and mirrored his gestures, "We'll need a ladder," you murmured looking at the impossibility of neither of you reaching that height. To be honest, not even Erwin could do it. 

The Ackerman clicked his tongue, he refused getting the ladder. Everybody was already asleep but if someone saw him, even if it was a mere newcomer cadet, his pride would be terribly hurt. He usually didn't care about other people's opinion but, when it was about his height, he could be very sensitive. “Just use the damn chair,” he turned around and changed the bed sheets. 

You exhaled sharply as you took the wooden chair and put in front of the cabinet. You rolled up your sleeves before climbing it and proceed to remove all the dust on it. It made you sneeze a couple of times. “Done,” you said looking behind you noticing a sly look from the shorty. He had definitely been looking at your smooth movements as you cleaned. You smirked before jumping off the chair. 

He hummed and looked through the window. It was passed midnight but it was not too late, you had finished cleaning faster than usual. “Hey,” he grabbed your attention as he rested his back on the wall and crossed his arms, “didn’t you want a rematch?” He chuckled lightly.

”Now?” You arched a brow.

He nodded firmly and pointed the window, “The training field is empty,”. He had noticed your nervousness and thought about how you’d be distracted if you had a fight. If he left the room, you would probably stay awake thinking about a thousand of different scenarios that could happen in the incoming expedition. He wanted to avoid those thoughts.

”Isn’t it a bad time to fight?” You couldn’t really understand why he was willing to fight in that moment, “Tomorrow we are going beyond the walls, we shouldn’t risk ourselves to get an injury or...”

”Oh,” he grinned as he took a couple of steps closer to you, “so you really are scared of losing again, huh?” He teased.

You grinned back, “As if,” you kind of felt excited. 

Without hesitation he headed the door and looked at you impatiently telling you to follow him. After a light laughter you went with him outside the dormitories while you bragged about how you were going to win him. Deep inside you knew that was impossible, he was called the humanity’s strongest for an obvious reason. However, you weren’t planing to give him an easy victory. As soon as you felt the cold breeze hit your body you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You really enjoyed being out doors late at night, there was something nostalgic in the dim Moon light and stars. Even though, the thick clouds made it difficult to enjoy the sky views. 

You stopped as soon as you reached the training field and took your usual fighting position, it was kind of uncomfortable doing those kind of motions when you were using casual clothes. You thanked God you were not wearing a skirt. “I’m ready,” you said shivering lightly because of the cold weather.

He smiled before throwing the first side kick you successfully avoided by jumping backwards. You then tried to punch his face only getting your fist firmly grabbed. After clicking your tongue you kicked his stomach with your knee and made him cough lightly. Both of you smirked before kicking and punching incessantly for more than half an hour feeling some dim rain drop. “You are holding back,” you murmured feeling kind of disappointed.

”I’m not,” he lied. Levi was indeed not using his full strength but he couldn’t understand why. He knew you wanted a serious fight, he also wanted that, yet he found himself unable to have a proper combat. In reality, he was scared of hurting you. Even if it was a stupid scar or a bruise, he didn’t want to cause you any kind of pain. It was an informal fight but the risk of hurting you was too real.

”Yes, you are,” you narrowed your eyes and passed your fingers through your hair. The rain was starting to get heavy. “We should leave it,” you clicked your tongue as you started to feel your clothes getting wet sticking to your skin.

Uncomfortable. 

The Ackerman rolled his eyes before kicking your ribs. It was such a weak kick you hardly felt the contact. “Fucking scared of rain or something?” He teased, “Maybe you know you are going to lose and refuse to continue,” that grabbed your attention, you were too hot-blooded to ignore his words.

You took once again your fighting position as you put all your wet hair at one side, over your shoulder. Feeling the rain drops cover your face making it quite difficult to see what was surrounding you. Your soaked clothes were starting to feel heavier causing your moves to be slow. In addition, you knew yourself: You were clumsy. There was a huge chance of you falling on the ground. “This fucking rain is not stopping me,” you chuckled before throwing a low punch he managed to avoid.

”Good,” he smirked. You gulped loudly as your stare met his dark orbits. Seeing his hair wet by the rain and his eyes sparkle under the Moon light was amazing. That image was definitely going to remain in your mind for quite a long time. He looked so good. So handsome. Lost in your little own world, he grabbed your left arm and kicked your right calf making you loose your balance and fall onto the cold wet ground. He then immobilised you by positioning both your arms above your head and pressing your stomach with his knee avoiding being too rough. “You got distracted,” he complained.

Having his body above yours felt nostalgic. “Keep moving...” you mumbled trying to break the grabbing. He grinned as soon as you pouted realising you were not strong enough. “Fuck,” you sighed at last. “I want a rematch,” your gaze pierced his eyes as you felt his fast breath and gasps all over your face. He was really close to you.

”You’ll lose once again,” he said slowly without tearing his eyes from you. Even with your light semipermanent dark circles and your messy wet hair, you looked like the most beautiful person he had ever seen. You confused him. That was the first time he had had those kind of feelings for someone and didn’t really know what to do or how to act when you two were alone. At first, he believed it was mere attraction. A feeling that would disappear in a couple of weeks. However, he lately had found himself spending all his nights next to you craving for more of your attention and time. When he was with you he felt so in peace, all the pain in that crazy world was unimportant, and when he was alone he could only think about you. Your beautiful features, your sweet laugh, your mesmerising voice, your astronomical intelligence... you were so perfect in his eyes. “Tomorrow—“ he managed to murmur after being in silence for some minutes. “Where will your squad be?” His voice dropped a full octave.

You hummed trying to remember what Erwin had told to you some hours before. You clenched your fists still trapped under the onyx-haired grabbing and sighed loudly. “First line, left side” he clicked his tongue as he stood up and passed his fingers through his soaked raven hair.

His brigade was at the right side. At that distance he wouldn’t be able to see you. Levi knew you didn’t need any kind of protection yet not knowing about your state till the very end of the expedition felt like a nightmare. If something happened to you he wouldn’t know it in hours. In addition, if you were in danger he wouldn’t be able to help you. That scared the hell out of him. “Hey,” you showed him your hand in a silent plea for him to help you to stand up. As soon as you were at the same height once again you stared him firmly, “Are you worried about me or something?” You smirked.

”Shut up, brat” he rolled his eyes.

You laughed vividly as a light almost unnoticeable pink shade painted his cheeks. “The humanity’s strongest is worried about me” you took a deep breath “I am flattered,” you said in between laughs and accidental snores.

”You are so fucking loud,” he complained.

“Maybe you should force me to shut up,” you said without thinking your words. You widened your eyes and pressed your lips. How stupid you were? You were old enough to know what you should say aloud and what should stay in your mind. “Just... just kidding,” you tried to fix the disaster you just made. Your stuttering voice didn’t help.

”Maybe I should,” he murmured looking at the headquarters building avoiding to face you, “I’ll put my blade on your throat and you’ll shut up quickly,” you hoped he was joking.

You gulped loudly as you laughed nervously scratching your cheek, “we should get going,” you said heading the main door, “it’s pouring,”.

“Right,” he sighed following you in silence studying your stunning silhouette emphasised by the soak clothes. “We have a reunion in three hours,” he said as soon as you entered the building. “You should sleep a bit,” he tried to sound indifferent but you could tell he was concerned about your health.

”Yeah,” you whispered stopping in front of your chamber, “same goes to you,” you smiled lightly. 

“I know,” he stretched his arms. “Good night Y/n,” he said in a weak whisper heading his dormitory. 

“Good night, Levi” you said entering your room. 

As soon as you changed your clothes and sat on your bed drying your hair with a white towel you heard a firm knock on the office door. You hesitated for a second before standing up, for a moment you wished it was him. 

“Hange?” The brunette entered your place abruptly and sat on the sofa, putting their feet on the coffee table, “What are you doing here this late at night?” You asked kicking their legs, you hated when someone put their feet over your clean table.

The umber-haired patted the sofa inviting you to take a seat, “I couldn’t sleep properly,” they took a deep breath and smirked, that expression made you shiver, “In my little insomnia episode I opened the window so I could take some fresh air and— guess what I saw?” Sparkling mahogany eyes fixed on you.

”What?” You asked impatiently. 

Hange’s laughter made you blush, you already knew what their next words were, “You and Levi having a little cute moment,” they firmly grabbed your hands.

”What are you talking about?” You teared your eyes away from your friend.

They waved your hands in excitement, “Don’t try to fool me Y/n y/ln,” they chuckled, “I’ve known you for ages, I can tell when you are in love with someone,” 

“I am not in love,” you raised your voice and broke their firm grabbing.

”You are,” the brunette patted your shoulder, “I mean, everybody knows there’s something between you and Levi and—“

”Everybody knows what?” You asked incredibly astonished blinking a couple of times, “there’s nothing between us, for God’s sake” your voice trembled, “people are too nosy,”.

Hange smiled tenderly, “Oh my— you both are too dense, aren’t you?” That sentence made you feel nervous, “I remember our training days when you had a crush on that guy... what was his name?” They arched a brow.

You clicked your tongue, the tawny-haired remembered perfectly his name. They just loved teasing you, “Albert,” you said in between your teeth.

”Ah— yeah” they scratched their ear, “Good boy Albert,” they patted your shoulder once more, “You fancied him for about— three weeks?” They chuckled, “but now it’s so different,” 

You rolled your eyes, “we don’t have time for bullshit” you mumbled. You were members of the Survey Corps, you couldn’t waste your time in trivial things like that.

”You don’t get to choose that,” Hange’s voice was sweet, “Plus, you and Levi are perfect for each other” your blush intensified.

”Shut up shitty glasses!” you raised your voice once more.

They laughed vividly, “That’s cute, you sound just like him,” you got so nervous you hid your face with both your hands. You looked like a teenager discovering what the word _love_ meant. “When you were under the rain, I really thought he would kiss y—,” you looked at them in annoyance and put your hand over their mouth avoiding more talking. 

Your face was as red as a ruby and a compressing feeling tightened your stomach, “Shut up,” your voice was low and timid.

You really felt out of place talking about that kind of things. When you were a teenager, your school friends would chat about the boy they liked and their dream wedding. You had always thought they were simple-minded or maybe too immersed in romance literature. There were things way more important in life than that, saving humanity for example. However, you were starting to understand them. You only wanted to talk either _to_ or _about_ Levi, you wanted to spend all day with him even if it was doing trivial things like cleaning or drinking tea. He was the first thought when you woke up and the last one when you went to bed. You had the urgent need to be with him. You needed him. 

“Fuck,” you cursed at the sudden realise you were really falling in love. Hange grinned. You stood up and dragged your friend outside the room, “Don’t you dare talk about this with anyone,” your scary stare was there once again. 

The brunette blinked seductively, “My lips are sealed, darling,” you rolled your eyes and shut the door violently. You took a deep breath and rested your head on the wooden door feeling your cheeks burn. 

Levi looked so fucking good under the night rain.

You flushed. 

Hange was _oh_ so right. 


	11. Chapter 11

Less than 24 hours. In less than a full day so many things happened you hadn’t had enough time to process everything yet. It actually was not _that_ bad. You went on your nth expedition that morning, Levi told you _‘don’t die’_ as soon as you went beyond the walls. It was the only thing you remembered clearly before the mission. All of your squad members survived, the youngest one -Hannah- lost her left arm though and you got an injury when you saved her from being eaten. It was not serious, you didn’t get a scar but your back bled quite a lot. It was a short expedition yet it happened to be as tough as always. Almost a fifth of the Scouts members lost their lives, it was impossible to get used to so much death surrounding you. The journey from wall Maria till the headquarters was long and tragic. Everybody stayed in silence eyes fixed on the ground while the midday Sun made you sweat as ever. The injured giving the dead corps to the families, the cries, the laments, the blood covering the capes... it was depressing.

But at least _he_ was alive. 

Once you had a shower and changed into some clean fresh clothes you did your paperwork. You really thought there was nothing left to do for the day but, when Erwin knocked your door and asked to talk in private, you knew there was something wrong. And there you were, in his office waiting patiently for him to finally speak.

”I know it’s a bad moment,” he said offering you to take a seat, “Today’s expedition has been hard and I’m sure you’ve got a lot of work to do,” he took a deep breath. He looked serene but deep inside he felt nervous. “I know you hate ambiguities so I’m going to be straightforward,” he cleared his throat, “Your father has been found dead in a small street in Trost,” he looked at you, concerning eyes, “Some witness say... he was incredibly drunk,” he rested his chin on his hands, elbows on the table, “I am really sorry,” he narrowed his eyes.

You stayed in complete silence, lips slightly parted and eyes fixed on the dark mahogany wood of Erwin’s desk. Your brain hadn’t processed what was happening, that sudden news dried your mouth and made your breath accelerate dangerously. “When- when is the funeral?” Your voice broke as you clenched your fists.

“This afternoon,”.

”This afternoon?” You finally faced him with a slight frown, “Everything’s so sudden I—“ your voice cracked once more.

The commander nodded, “It must be hard for you,” he gulped loudly, “I'm here for anything you need,” he said fainting a timid smile.

You tried to smile back and thanked him silently leaving the room. Taking a deep breath you headed your room dragging your feet thinking about the days you spent with your father. He wasn't the best paternal figure you could've asked for, but him being gone was still painful. In slow motion you caressed your cheek expecting some tears. Nothing. You couldn’t cry. Of course you felt sad, but it was impossible for you to drop any tear. “Shit,” you murmured entering your chamber looking for some black clothes for you to wear. That was definitely going to be a long day. You took a long skirt and a buttoned shirt, you tired your hair up and made sure none of your scars were visible, you knew your mother would hate seeing them. Thinking about how you’d have to see her again after all these years made you sick. 

You exhaled sharply and left the building, there was a cart waiting for you. Making your heart brave you stepped inside and shut your eyes. You felt dizzy. There were days you wished you hadn’t waken up and that was one of them. As you felt the horses gallop harmonically and the dim Sun light caress your face, nervousness started to grow inside your stomach. After almost an hour the cart stopped. You took a deep breath preparing yourself to face your family once again feeling a knot tightening your throat. 

“Thanks,” you said to the cart chauffeur before exiting the vehicle. You walked slowly to the cemetery as you waved some of your family friends and nobles. They were talking about you. As usual. 

Once your eyes spotted your father’s grave you bit your bottom lip and headed there as you heard some people talk about him. ‘ _He apparently died because of alcohol... unbelievable, a noble like him dying like a mere drunker’_ you heard some ladies chat. It was not unusual for you hearing people gossip about your family.

“Mother,” you approached her putting aside your pride. She was crying. She looked at you up and down a couple of times as she cleaned her tears with a white cotton lace tissue.

She clicked her tongue, “The last button,” she pointed your shirt. It was slightly unbuttoned. You narrowed your eyes as she took a couple of steps closer, “How emotionless are you? You can’t even cry at your father’s burial. What will people say?” she said bitterly before leaving you behind.

That kind of attitude didn’t surprise you. You made your heart brave as you watched the priest praying next to your father’s grave. You read his name a couple of times as you shut your eyes in pain. You were still not able to cry. You stayed in silence as people spoke to you and whispered timidly their condolences. You slyly watched your mother leaving without even looking at you for a last time. “I’m sorry,” you whispered once you were left alone with your father’s grave. You didn’t really know why you said that. Was it because you couldn’t cry? Or maybe because you felt like you had disappointed him? Either way you really felt sorry.

***

Looking at the night sky drinking a cup of hot tea you took a deep breath and stretched your arms. The rooftop had become one of your favourite places of the headquarters. Still wearing the funeral clothes you felt a shiver cross your body, you definitely needed a cardigan or a shawl. “Hey,” you heard someone approach you. You already knew who it was.

”Levi...” you whispered as he took a seat next to you. It was only a matter of time for him to come. 

In complete silence you both drank tea and looked at the sky covered by some rain clouds. His mere presence managed to relax you after such a long day. “Erwin told me about it,” he said at last. 

You hummed as you finished the cup of tea. “It’s so fucking weird,” you passed your fingers through your hair and stared him, “I don’t even know how I should feel,” you whispered trying to control your shivering leg, "It's like I'm emotionless or something," your voice cracked so you tried to cover it with a sarcastic light laugh. 

"Why?" he arched a brow as he studied carefully your gestures, you were surely about to breakdown, "Because you didn't cry at his funeral?"

"How do you know I-?"

"Tell me," he interrupted you, "How many fucking burials have you been to in the last month?" you sighed loudly. Being a Scout meant being surrounded by death, you couldn't tell how many friends and colleagues you had lost since you first joined, "Of course you didn't cry. Like it or not, you are used to it," that made you shut your eyes abruptly, it was hard to admit you were getting used to death. "Do you really think being here talking about dark shit drinking some fucking tea makes us emotionless?" he chuckled lightly, "You are so fucking wrong,".

You gasped as your puzzled look pierced his eyes, "You don't know me that well," you almost spitted those words. You obviously didn't mean them and he was aware of that. "We've only known each other for several months so-"

"That's enough," he interrupted you once more, "I don't need to know every detail about you to actually _understand_ you," he took a deep breath, you could tell he was not used to saying those kind of things, "I perfectly understand you. You want to look tough, you always seem cool but your mind is thinking about thousands shits per minute," he raised his voice, "you have that damn reputation of being strict and cold, new cadets are scared of you, you look distant like you don't give a fuck about anything- but in reality you give so much of a fuck, you can't even bear to be alive," His sincere words made you shiver.

You felt dizzy, like you were about to break down. On the verge of tears. "You-" you fought for your voice to unhook from your tight throat. 

"Do you want to know how can I understand you so well?" he lowered his voice, " 'cause we're the fucking same," he said in a whisper kind of regretting being too rough. 

You stayed in complete silence, he was right. You knew it. You looked at the sky and tried to control some tears. You were finally crying but you didn't want him to see it. Nobody had ever seen you in such a vulnerable state and you were not ready for it. Some people looked pretty when they cried but that was not your case, you've seen yourself crying in front of the mirror a hundred times and it was an ugly image. Sore eyes, red nose and cheeks, uncontrolled hiccups and shivering, bloated face... it was horrible. You desperately tried to stand up and run to your room looking for some privacy when you felt a sudden grabbing on your arm pulling you violently. "Hey!" you complained trying to go away but your face was now stuck in between his strong arms and his well-formed chest.

"An efficient way to cry, avoiding me seeing you," he whispered resting his chin over your head. His behaviour was unusual. 

As you felt the first tears drop you grabbed his shirt and cried your heart out. Him not being able to look at your face made it way more easier for you to finally open up. "You suck at comforting people," you said in between loud cries trying to manage a faint and timid smile still grabbing his clean shirt.

"I know," he whispered after taking a deep breath. When he spoke it tickled, his chin still over your head made his baritone voice sound deeper, "but I was not trying to make you feel better," he hesitated for a second before passing his fingers through your messy hair and gently pushing you closer by your nape. 

After some minutes, you shut your eyes feeling the last tears damping his shirt, you took a deep breath inhaling his aroma. His smell and body warmth comforted you. "Thank you," you said in such a weak voice you were scared he didn't hear you.

"Shut up," he mumbled rolling his eyes feeling your shivering body finally getting calmed. "Better?" he asked, monotone voice, after some more minutes in a complete silence only perturbed by your crying.

You hummed and nodded firmly before breaking the contact and covering your face with your hand, you didn't want him to see you with such an ugly expression. Your red sore eyes didn't go unnoticed by him who clicked his tongue and stood up. You mirrored his motions still covering your face and took the tea set heading the canteen followed by him in silence. As you felt his fixed stare on you, your heart started to beat as fast as ever. _“I can tell when you are in love with someone,”_ Hange’s damn words were playing on loop in your mind.


	12. Chapter 12

Even in the Scouts headquarters there were peaceful and cheerful days when loud laughters and chatting invaded the place. It was not unusual to have some fun when there was not an expedition soon and the last one had been at least seven days ago. After training for some hours with your squad, you felt like spending some time with your best friend. So, there you were. Hange and you were playing a little game you invented back in your trainee days. Hang by your feet, upside down you grabbed tightly the brunette’s arms as they swung energetically. In your opinion, that was the funniest way to use the ODM gears. 

“Cadet y/ln!” Hange yelled, doing their famous Keith impersonation you enjoyed so much, “How dare you use the freaking gears for playing like stupid kids?!” You laughed vividly accidentally snoring a couple of times.

Because of the velocity you were swinging at and the difficulties in seeing properly being upside down, you were not really aware of your surroundings. So, you had no idea you were grabbing quite a lot of people's attention. That included Levi’s, who had his arms crossed and murmured some nonsense staring at you with his eyes narrowed.

”Speaking of the devil,” you tried to say in between your accelerated breathing, “After Erwin’s raise, did Keith go back to training the cadets?” You arched a brow.

Hange hummed, “Yeah, it suits him better,” they giggled, “He adores bossing people around, right princess?” You laughed at the use of your old stupid nickname. _“Good night, Cinderella”_ a sudden thought crossed your mind. You remembered it slightly, your memories of that night were quite blurry, but you swore Levi called you that. Cinderella? His deep voice saying that mere simple name made you blush dangerously. As you felt your cheeks hotter, a little scream escaped from your mouth as you shut your eyes.

That sudden reaction made the brunette laugh vividly, they didn’t know what you were thinking about but they could easily tell it involved the onyx-haired. You accidentally broke the tight grabbing, causing your friend to fall onto the ground covering themselves in mud and dirt, “Oh shit!” You stopped the swinging and widened your eyes, “I’m so sorry,” you stayed in silence for a couple of seconds before hearing their loud laughter.

”My butt hurts,” The tawny-haired said in between loud giggles. You exhaled in relief and smiled brightly, still hang by your feet you looked at Moblit gently helping Hange to stand up. He was such a nice person, he made you smile sweetly. 

You didn’t notice Levi had come closer. His gaze was fixed on your feet, it actually was quite funny seeing someone like you upside down with your messy hair, loose arms and bright red face. “Idiot,” he murmured standing right under you. That position made it difficult for you to face him, it hurt your neck. “Stop fooling around, brat," he murmured, "That young subordinate of yours is looking for you,” he paused to remember her name, “Hannah” he said in a tired exhalation, “In addition, if Erwin saw you, he’d kill you,” he pinched the bridge of his nose.

You clicked your tongue. You took some impulse and reached your feet so you could untie them, it was quite a difficult motion to do but you got used to it after a lot failed attempts when you were a cadet. As you were about to jump onto the ground you felt a slight shiver crossing your leg falling clumsily onto the mud just like Hange did not too long ago. Instant karma. A moan of distress escaped form your lips as you felt you back stuck on the soil, “What?” You growled incorporating yourself sitting on the ground as you heard Levi’s unusual light chuckle under his breath. 

”Dirty,” he murmured seeing you covered in mud and greenery. He arched a brow as he saw your frowning and concerned look, “What?” He wrinkled his nose, “You expected me to catch you in my arms?” He grinned, smug silver look.

”It would’ve been nice,” you rolled your eyes. You looked at your muddy hands and took a deep breath. You were sure you looked like a complete mess.

Indeed, the Ackerman _did want_ to catch you in his arms, bridal style to avoid your clumsy fall. However, as soon as he realised you two were not alone, his body froze. Your squad, his squad, Hange’s and Mike’s. Almost all the members of the Survey Corps were there and he wanted to avoid stupid rumours and chatting. Most of them weren’t paying attention to you, yet he couldn't help feeling awkward. He was getting used to his subordinates teasing him every time he slyly looked or talked to you. But, all the rest? That was something else.   
  
You showed him your hand expecting him to help you to stand up, “Dirty” he parroted taking a couple of steps back.

An unintelligible murmur accompanied a whimper in pain as you stood up. That was enough to grab his attention. The ravenette fixed his stare on your leg attempting to discover a possible injury, he now felt bad for letting you fall. However, that gave you a good opportunity to mock him. You waited for him to approach you, a cheeky smile was drawn on your face as you passed your hands through his face and neck covering him in mud. He widened his eyes in disgust. You knew him, being dirty was a terrible nightmare. “Oh sorry,” you stuck your tongue out laughing at him.

”You...” he violently removed some dirt from his face and looked at you in anger. That stare could scare anyone, even a titan would run away from it. But for you, it was a challenge, a blatant provocation. He looked even sexier with that serious gaze darkening his eyes if you had to be honest. “You moron,” he said taking a step forwards. 

“It was an accident,” you crooned before laughing at him once more.

”An accident? My ass,” he raised his voice as he took you by the collar. You were used to seeing him do that to Hange but he had never done it to you, he actually was being gentler. His moonstone glare met yours and you both stayed in silence for a couple of minutes drowning in each other’s eyes in silence. Without hesitation you passed your hand through his hair dirtying him even more, “Having fun?” He said blandly. He really wanted to sound fierce yet you could tell he was indeed having a good time. His subtle smirk showed his true emotions. 

You nodded and gave him your brighter smile ever. He adored that expression and suddenly found himself craving for seeing more of that. “Yeah,” you whispered caressing his face with your breath. 

He clicked his tongue and broke the grabbing, turning around in an attempt to cover his slight flush which didn’t go unnoticed by his subordinates who grinned and chatted vividly. “That girl’s still looking for you,” he said in a whisper heading the main building willing to take a quick shower and cleaning the mess you just made. 

Your stare was fixed on him as you giggled and blushed unconsciously. After seeing him enter the building you turned around and looked for your subordinate. As soon as your eyes spotted her you walked quickly. “How’re you feeling?” You asked looking slyly at her absent arm.

She caressed her shoulder and tried to smile, “better,” she lowered her voice looking at her surroundings.

“You wanted to talk to me?” You mirrored her gestures looking slyly around the place. 

She got tensed as a blush covered her face, “Can I ask you about girly things?” Her voice sounded as sweet as ever. You widened your eyes in surprise as your chin dropped, if you had been drinking water you would have spitted it everywhere. You were about to ask what did she meant by that when she proceeded, “Women talk,”.

That didn’t clarified shit, “I think I am not getting what-“

”I-“ she raised her voice and interrupted you, bowing slightly silently apologising for her disrespectful attitude, “I need advice,” her blush got even more intense which you thought it was impossible. “It’s about a man,” she grabbed your hands.

You sighed loudly. Those kind of conversations were complicated for you. Talking about titans, math, engineering or biology seemed way more appealing in that moment, “Tell me about it,” you took a deep breath, “I’m not sure I’d be able to help you though,”

”Thanks,” she tightened the grabbing, “He’s close to you so I thought you could give me some advice in how to approach him,” that made you shiver. A person close to you? You immediately thought about Levi. She cleared her throat as her crystal eyes became brighter.

You waited for her to continue. It felt like an eternity. 10 seconds... 30 seconds... 1 minute... 2 minutes... the waiting was killing you. You really prayed and wished she was not talking about him.

“I-“ she made her heart brave and shut her eyes, “I have a crush on Mike,” she finally said.

”You, what?!” An acute scream opened his way out of your mouth as you let her hands go abruptly. “Mike?” You narrowed your eyes, “You know- you know he eats with his mouth wide open, right?” You managed to say after a nervous laughter.

”I know,” she smiled tenderly, “he’s so cute,” she said in a whisper.

Your puzzled looked showed your confusion, “Mike? Cute?” You parroted as you saw her nod repeatedly. You never though about him in that way so you didn't really understand her. You liked him as a friend and a rival. You both competed for the humanity's second strongest title so you couldn't picture him as a _cute_ person even if you tried. “Do you want to ask for a squad changing?” You arched a brow.

Hannah shook her head, “I don’t,” she frowned, “I adore being part of your team,” she made you smile proudly. 

You patted her head, “Do you want to spend some time alone with him or-?”

”I...” she pressed her lips, “Yeah,” she whispered, “Do you know if he likes someone?”

You stayed in silence for some seconds thinking about your colleague, “I don’t think so,” you murmured. He was way too busy killing titans to fall in love, “but, I’m not really good at this kind of stuff so I’m not sure,” you hummed.

”I see,” she smiled as your eyes got distracted by the short Captain who exited the building wearing some fresh cleaned clothes, “I think you actually are good at these things,” she teased you.

”What do you mean, cadet?” You lowered your voice tone trying to sound intimidating as you crossed your arms in front of your chest.

She shook her head. You already knew what she meant by that, but she was now way too scared of you to properly speak. “Nothing,” she gulped loudly.

“Good girl,” you smirked patting her shoulder. She blushed again. You genuinely thought she had an unhealthy red tone, if she flushed heavier you would probably take her to the doctor. “Could... could you do me a favour?”.

”Yes,” she saluted firmly.

You hummed, “Teach him basic eating manners,” you rolled your eyes as you walked away hearing her vivid laughter. You smiled sweetly before meeting with Levi’s fixed stare. He arched a brow and looked at you up and down a couple of times, you got nervous as you looked at yourself. You still looked like a complete mess. A tiny blush painted your cheeks as you pointed the dormitories silently informing him you were going to take a bath. “Hannah,” you grabbed the girl’s attention who was walking behind you, “I’m going to change my clothes, finish the training with,” you looked at Hange and Levi before looking back at the cadet, “Mike’s squad?” Her face got brighter as you grinned knowing you chose the correct option.

Your firm walking towards the building was carefully studied by the Ackerman who had already memorised every single curve of your body. “Wanna join her?” Eld asked being way too friendly by resting his arm over the shorty’s shoulder. 

“You should continue your training if you don’t want to be chewed by a fucking titan,” he said looking at the rest of his team. 

Gunther sighed loudly, “Captain, we’ve been training non-stop for hours,” he frowned.

Levi crossed his arms, “Keep moving,” he smirked as he stole your personal motto looking at them complaining and going back to their usual training.

”Captain,” Petra stayed behind her colleagues as she smiled timidly at Levi, “You should try being gentler,” she said as soft as she could. She knew she had to be careful with her speaking.

”Gentler?” The Corporal growled.

”Y/n is a strong woman,” Petra whispered before taking a deep breath, “I don’t want to be meddlesome but-“ she paused for a second thinking about the best way to proceed, “You shouldn’t have let her fall,” she finally spoke her mind, "I think she's actually hurt,".

Levi clicked her tongue, “I am gentle,” he said in between his teeth trying to maintain his usual monotonous voice ignoring the rest of the conversation.

”I think you should apologise to her,” she gulped loudly, “I am sorry for my rude attitude,” she bowed slightly.

The Ackerman hummed as he exhaled sharply looking at the headquarters. He knew you. He knew you were not mad at all. It was not worth it apologising. He was right. You were not mad. You actually had had some fun seeing his astonished expression when you covered him in mud and dirt. His face was priceless, you chuckled as you took a quick short bath feeling a light burning over your hurt back. The training was almost over so there was not point in going back to the field, yet you wanted to see him one last time before having lunch. You ran through the corridors and exited the building, almost stumbling with your own feet. As soon as you felt the Sun light you narrowed your eyes looking for the onyx-haired with whom you exchanged a quick stare. 

"Y/n," you heard a deep voice approaching you.

"Erwin," you got tensed. Was he about to give you a dressing-down for using the gear improperly? You gulped loudly as he cleared his throat.

"You have a visit," he said patting your head. A visit? You didn't even know they were allowed. In all your years in the Survey Corps you had never received a mere visit, not even once. That made you realise how lonely you were without the Scouts.

You frowned, "Who is it?" you crossed your arms, you felt insecure about that.

"Your mother," he stared you firmly as you looked at the ground, slightly parted lips. A tight knot was hindering your breathing and your hands were covered in cold sweat as that simple sentence was being replayed in your head like it was the most annoying echo on Earth. What did that woman want after so many years ignoring your mere existence? 


	13. Chapter 13

Arms crossed in front of your chest, pressed lips and narrowed eyes. You looked at the woman in front of you, stood in front of a horse cart, and waited patiently for a detailed explanation of what the hell she was doing there. "So, here's where you’ve been living," she finally deigned to open her mouth. Her expression showed disgust and displeasure. 

"What do you want?" you rolled your eyes.

Your mother cleared her throat as she thought of the best way to start the conversation. Her movements were gracious and sophisticated, her elegance grabbed everyone's attention. Including Erwin's who was watching and judging the situation in complete silence. He knew nothing about your relationship with your mother yet, as soon as he saw your nervous state when he informed you about her sudden visit, he insisted in coming with you. At first you told him you were completely fine and complained once you realised there was no point in reject his company but deep inside you were thankful. "I would like to have lunch together," she gently opened the cart door, "I insist,".

You blinked a couple of times and gulped loudly as you caressed your neck scar, that scar she was the causer of, before gazing slyly at the blonde looking for some confidence. He smiled. You smiled back. Maybe your mother finally wanted to create a firm genuine bond with you. Maybe your father's death made her change as a person. Maybe she finally felt sorry about everything she had done to you. Maybe she just wanted to apologise. "Sure," you said as Erwin nodded firmly.

"I'll inform your squad about it," the commander looked carefully how you entered the cart. Once his blue gems spotted your mother fixed eyes on your uniform, specifically in the wings of freedom emblem stitched on your left arm, -she obviously hated- he couldn't help but smirk. "Have a nice day, _Captain_ ," he emphasised your rang just to let your mother know how good you really were and the high position you had in the Survey Corps.

A light laughter escaped from your mouth as the chauffeur closed the cart door leaving you both alone. A sudden wave of nervousness hit your whole body. After years without seeing her and only exchanging a couple of words almost two weeks ago at the funeral you didn't really know how to feel or act around her. Should you say something or was the best option to wait for her to speak? "First of all," she was the one to open her mouth as she gracefully crossed her legs, "We will stop by the tailoring and buy you a dress," she sighed, "I do not want to have lunch with you dressed like that," she looked at your clothes once more. 

You exhaled sharply. For a moment you wished you hadn't changed your morning outfit and still wore the one covered in mud and dirt. You would pay a vertiginous amount of money only to see her shocked reaction. You clenched your fists and nodded firmly, the best way to avoid a stupid argument with her was maintaining your mouth shut and do what she asked for.

You hated it.

As soon as the horses stopped galloping and you both exited the cart you couldn't help smiling, the town she had taken you to was the one you visited with Levi what it felt like a long time ago. You slyly looked at the huge main cafeteria were the onyx-haired ate chocolate for the first time. You'd buy some sweets for him before going back to the headquarters. Your mother took the lead as you followed her in silence till a small fancy clothing shop. There was no time to ask for made-to-measure dress so she grabbed some already tailored clothes and entered the fitting room with you. Having your mother there made you feel like a child. When you asked her to leave she just sat on a wooden stool and shook her head.

In resignation you took off your clothes feeling her attentive stare over you. "What's this?" you felt her voice closer as you took off your shirt. She was next to you, grabbing your right arm pinning her long nails and heavy rings against your skin as he fixed her eyes on your stomach. Ah. That ugly scar that reminded you how awful was your first expedition as a captain. 

"A scar," you said trying to sound cool and serene.

"I can see that," she sighed, "Men don't like women with scars and muscles," you chuckled lightly. "Is it funny?" her voice dropped a full octave as her eyes got colder, you shook your head. She clicked her tongue and stood up abruptly, she stepped the wooden floor as hard as she could causing a piercing familiar noise of her stilettos trampling the parquet floor. The same kind of floor you used to have back home. Home. What a weird word to describe the circus you grew up in. She left the fitting room only to come back a minute later with a pecan shawl. "Wear this too," she said firmly.

You nodded once more as you put on the long sleeveless salmon dressed she had chosen, you also put on some rosewood patent leather shoes and the shawl she just gave you. "Better?" you asked in between your teeth as you looked at yourself. When was the last time you wore those kind of clothes? You couldn't even remember. 

"Better," she nodded as she headed the counter and paid for the new acquires, you didn't want to know how much they costed. Probably more than your current monthly salary. As you followed her in complete silence you thought about your subordinates, how was their training going? You were worried about young Hannah, she lost an arm recently and you couldn't tell if she was getting used to it. The last time one of your cadets lost an arm he got way weaker causing his premature death during the following expedition. You couldn't let that happen to her. You couldn't live the same experience again.

When your mother entered the fancy cafeteria you couldn't help but smile, this time nobody was giving you any kind of arrogant or smug look. The waitress that attended you, recognised you almost immediately as she got nervous and bowed slightly, "Nice to see you again miss," she said. Your mother arched a brow and you rapidly decided to not talk about your last visit there. She would definitely abhor the idea of you going there dressed like a soldier and being, as she would say, a mere simple person.

"May I ask for some of your darkest chocolate?" you asked as the worker accompanied you both to the best table of the establishment, "A box, to take away," you clarified as you took a seat. "Oh, an a box of the sweetest one," Hange would probably get jealous if you didn't get some for them too.

"Sure," the waitress bowed once more before leaving you alone.

As you crossed your legs and rested your elbows on the table you looked closely at your mother indifferent expression, "What did you want to talk about?" she rolled her eyes and told you to remove your elbows from the table, that was such a rude thing to do. You sighed and maintained your back as straight as you could feeling a slight pain caused by your ugly fall from that morning.

"I do not like wasting my time so I will be straightforward," that sentence made you shiver, not only because of the cold tone she had used but also because of what she just insinuated. Was having lunch with you a waste of her time? Of course it was. The waitress came back and you let your mother ask for the food. Knowing her, in her opinion, whatever you chose would be the bad option? so you just let her order for you and avoid a discussion. "You know how strict laws are around here for people like us," she said lowering her voice to avoid people hearing the conversation. "When your father died I inherited a generous amount of money yet I lost my-" she looked at her surroundings, she was nervous, "I lost my nobility title," you widened your eyes in surprise. 

"Oh," you managed to emit a sound, that was not the end of the world but you could easily tell she was scared.

"You renounced to it when you joined the military," she said almost in disgust, "because of that _childish_ action now I am considered a widow without any kind of descendants ," she was getting angry. You clenched your fists and tried to maintain composure controlling your breathing carefully. You didn't like how the conversation, it was actually more like a monologue, was progressing. The waitress came just in time to avoid some undesired anger from you, she left the food on the table as well as she gave you the chocolates before leaving. "As I was saying," your mother continued as she put on the white napkin over her lap.

You mirrored her gestures. After so many years, you slowly were forgetting your high-class manners.

“It’s unfair but as a noble widow I cannot get married again," you frowned in anger.

You left your silver cutlery on the table and took a deep breath, "How can you think about these kind of things when father died eleven days ago?" you murmured trying to control your agitated breathing. "You only cared about his title and money, didn't you? That’s why you married him, right?" you really were trying not to raise your voice.

She exhaled sharply and covered her mouth as she swallowed her meal, "Y/n, you are not a child anymore," her stare was fixed in your eyes, "Love does not exist," she said smiling falsely as she caressed your hand. A sudden image of Levi fighting with you under the night rain came into your mind. You made it disappear as fast as you could and focused once again on the woman before your eyes. "Having a nobility title is prestigious, not only because of the money but also for the politics and commerce," she tightened the grabbing making you feel uncomfortable feeling her rings pressing against your bones, "your father’s lands around Trost make a lot of money," you tried to break the contact. You could do it easily if you really wanted to, but, as a civil servant and soldier, you had to repress your strength if you didn't want to hurt her. So you just let her continue. 

"What's your point?" You were getting nervous, your little patience was running out quickly.

Her fake smile and narrowed eyes made you feel sick, "If I had an offspring who was a member of the nobility I could get my title back," she paused to take a deep breath, parting slightly her dark red painted lips, "but my only daughter decided to split up the family and have a simple life playing in the Military forces," she chuckled annoyingly, "Yet there's still a ray of hope for us," she finally left your hand, "Do you remember your father's best friend? Hugo Armagnac?" you nodded slowly. He was the most boring man you had ever met, he was stupid too but he got some good taste in chocolates and booze. "He has a son around your age, Thomas,".

"Not again," you interrupted as you felt your heart throb dangerously fast, "No way," you chuckled nervously, "You really are arranging a marriage for me, for the second time, so you can get back your stupid title? How fucking selfish are you?" you raised your voice and looked at her in astonishment.

"Hey," she looked at you fiercely. Blood boiling in anger. When you were a mere child you would get scared of that look and voice tone, you would cry alone in your room when she'd talk to you like that. You thank God you were in a public place, "Watch your language," she lowered her voice but still managed to sound fierce and intimidating, "Who taught you to talk like that? It is far from being polite," she clicked her tongue, "Your father and I raised a lady”.

"Cut the crap," your voice shivered but you didn't care, "Forget about me," you stood up abruptly as you grabbed some people's attention but you honestly couldn't care less. "Let's pretend we are not related, I don't give a shit about you or your titles," she also stood up as, out of her usual composed character when there were strangers around, she grabbed your cheeks tightly pinning her nails. If she was able to do that in a public place, it meant she really was desperate.

"I told you to watch your language young lady, you are causing a scene," she said in between her teeth. You broke the grabbing aggressively taking the chocolates you asked for and heading the main door, "You cannot escape from your origins," was the last you heard from her before leaving the place. 

Walking quickly around the town streets you felt an annoying compressing feeling over your chest. You felt so stupid. So so stupid. Of course she didn’t want to apologise for shit. She didn’t feel bad about everything she did to you. In addition, she was willing to make your life miserable once again. Dismissing from the Military and marrying a stranger only for her selfish desires. You were as angry as ever but somehow you couldn’t face her. Standing up against your mother was scary.

Way scarier than a hundred titans. 

Clicking your tongue you caressed your forehead full of sweat, meeting her had been a terrible mistake. You felt like all your progresses you did those last years had been in vain. You had taken a step backwards.

”Fuck,” you murmured as you kicked a stone. You looked slightly at your surrounding and took a deep breath. As you spotted some members of the Garrison division you smiled timidly and approached them firmly. “I need a horse,” you said as one of them, visibly drunk, looked at you up and down a couple of times.

”Oh yeah? Why would a nice young lady like-“ you interrupted him by grabbing his arm and immobilising him by pinning him against a wall.

You sighed, “I don’t have time for your bullshit, I need a fucking horse,” you said in between your teeth as some of his colleagues approached you slightly.

”I know you,” one of them said nervously, “you are... you are a notable member of the Survey Corps,” he stuttered.

You hummed as you let the man go. Staying in silence you waited for them to get you a horse. You thanked him with a light fake smile and galloped heading the headquarters feeling the dim Sun set light caressing you. Feeling sick and dizzy you wanted to get as far as you could from that woman. You gulped loudly letting the wind caress your hair as you listened the firm strong steps of the horse, that sound somehow succeeded in calming you. 


	14. Chapter 14

After leaving the horse on the stable you headed the main building in silence. You needed to put in order your thoughts and feelings after such an unwelcoming day with your mother. As you headed your chamber you spotted your favourite ravenette cleaning a huge window from the corridor. You smiled at him once your gazes met and he stopped his actions to approach you in silence. What you were not aware of was that he had been waiting for your arrival. When he asked Erwin for your whereabouts he couldn’t help but feel a little bit concerned. He knew your past and was kind of scared about you meeting your mother once again after such a long time. In addition, he knew you had not recovered from your father’s sudden death. Therefore, he spent all the afternoon cleaning all of those corridors that had their windows facing the main entrance. It was the easiest way to spot your arrival, “The fuck are you wearing?” He asked as soon as he was a few steps close to you, staring your outfit in astonishment.

Those clothes were unusual for him, but you still looked beautiful. He felt lucky. He got the chance to see you in the Military uniform, in pyjamas, in casual clothes and in a fancy outfit like the one you were wearing at that moment. “A dress,” you said blandly looking for your room key in your pocket, you didn’t even have the strength to hide your anger nor like you wanted to hide it from him. 

He hummed as he noticed your poor state, your hand had a concerning shivering avoiding you to open the door properly till the third attempt. “I’ll make some tea,” he said as he let you enter your place. You left the chocolate boxes on the table and looked through the window. It was already dark outside however, it was only evening so nobody was asleep yet.

You took one of the boxes and headed Hange’s dormitory, just next to yours. You knocked twice and waited for them to open the door, “Oh, God,” they said as soon as they saw you, “Fancy,” they whistled lightly.

Giving them the chocolate box you noticed someone in her room, you chuckled lightly as you gave them a mischievous stare, “Hmm,” you hit carefully their ribs with your elbow, “Perhaps a single box will not be sufficient for you and your guest,” you chuckled lightly as the brunette blushed.

”Not what you think,” they mumbled adjusting their glasses, “we were doing some investigations,”.

”Yeah, sure,” you rolled your eyes as you felt how Hange put their arm around your shoulder and ruffled your hair in a friendly way.

They stopped abruptly once their eyes met Levi coming towards you carrying a china tea set. He sighed as he looked at both of you and rolled his eyes, he was used to your loud friendship. “Hey,” the tawny-haired's grin made you get suspicious. They were about to get their vendetta for your little teasing. “You look _oh_ so pretty,” they tightened the grabbing and caressed your hair pulling it behind your shoulders, “Tell her Levi, she looks stunning, right?” They said gaining another hit on their ribs from you and a scary stare from him.

”Four-eyes,” you broke the grabbing and stepped next to the Ackerman, “Don’t make Moblit wait,” you laughed lightly as you saw her flushed face get intensified. When your best friend entered their place you opened your chamber’s door and let the man enter behind you.

He took a seat on the sofa as you cleaned some paperwork from your desk. You felt so anxious you couldn’t stop moving, walking up and down your office biting your fingernail. “I should have known,” you finally murmured as you heard the tea being poured, “I should’ve known she had no good intentions,” you clarified without stopping your motions.

Levi crossed his legs and got comfortable, he stayed in silence and watched carefully your nervous movements. 

“She’s so selfish, of course a person like her wouldn’t change their behaviour in just a few days,” you raised your voice. You didn’t really know if you were talking to him or if that was your way of getting your emotions out of your chest. Both ways, you needed that. “Why would she even care about her own daughter?” You caressed your neck scar and sighed, “for God’s sake,” you exhaled sharply stopping abruptly your walking and looking at the floor. As soon as you felt your shawl fall from your shoulders you widened your eyes and grabbed it firmly wishing for him to haven’t seen _them._

But he did. “Why do you keep covering them?” He clicked his tongue, “we all have scars, you know?” He pointed at his arm, where you healed a wound during your first expedition together. 

“I know,” you hummed, “but this one reminds me of my failure as a-“

”Fuck off,” he interrupted you, you chuckled nervously at his rude attitude, “they remind us we are still alive,” he stood up and approached you firmly. Every step closer he got, you felt some nervousness grow inside your tight stomach. “You should be proud, you are a good soldier,” he said in a whisper without tearing his stare from your beautiful eyes. He gently took off the shawl and let your arms uncovered. At first, you felt awkwardly exposed but his mere serene presence made you feel relaxed. He wasn't looking at your ugly scares. He didn't care about them.

You took a deep breath and prepared yourself for the conversation you were about to start. The anxiety you had suffered from during the last hours had almost disappeared. How strange it was for you having someone who could comfort you with just a simple gesture. “So,” he took a seat on the sofa once again, “your mother and you went out for lunch,” he said spotting the chocolate box on the coffee table.

A smile was drawn over your face as you pointed it, “For you,” you said in a whisper looking how his eyes somehow got brighter. You knew that stare. He got it every time he cleaned as well as when he ate sweets for the first time. Those beautiful silver eyes that managed to make you feel in peace. You adored them so much. What you didn’t know was that he also had that mesmerized stare when he was around you as his face would get way softer. How stupid could you be? Even Hange, Erwin, Hannah, Petra, Eld, Gunther and Oluo had already noticed it and yet you had no idea of how he really felt about you. So fucking clueless. 

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” He was getting impatient as he served himself his second cup of tea.

You exhaled sharply, “She apparently is going to lose her noble title,” you sat on the sofa a few inches from him and took the first sip of your long waited tea, “laws are divergent and strict,” you sighed, “but, if she had a noble child, she could have her privileges back,”

”But you renounced to your title,” he murmured looking at you.

“Exactly,” you were starting to shiver once again. “So she had this fucking great idea of me getting married to some shitty rich bastard,” you finished your beverage in a single shot, “She’s repeating the same fucking story,” you looked really angry at that moment but there was also a trace of sadness in your eyes as you questioned yourself why she didn’t love you. That affection you lacked from her. It hurt so much. “I just want to be free,” your voice broke as you rested your head on the sofa and fixed your eyes on the ceiling.

Levi took a deep breath before having a piece of the chocolate you bought for him, “How did she react to your refuse?” He asked slowly. Knowing about your past he couldn’t help but get worried about her yelling at you or even going too far and hitting you. 

You shook your head and incorporated yourself, “She said I can’t escape my origins or some crap like that,” you covered your anger with a light chuckle.

”Bullshit,” he murmured.

Your laughter became genuine, “I know,” you said tiredly, “She is not going to ruin my life again, ‘cause you know what? I am free. I am free to do whatever I want,” your breathing was fast as well as your speaking. You looked at his eyes as determinate as ever, “I am free to live like I want. I am free to make friends. I am free to speak whatever is in my mind. I am free to be a soldier.” You lowered your voice “I am free to love whoever I want to love,” you said in a whisper without tearing your stare from his.

You both stayed in complete silence for almost a couple of minutes. Probably sharing the same exact thought. Your feelings for each other were overwhelming at that point, _“Love doesn’t exist”_ your mother words played on loop in your mind. Bullshit. You didn’t believe her.

But, what did Levi think about love?

For what you were concerned about, he had never had a romantic partner, his life had been tough and complicated so he really didn’t have time for it. You knew he was a loving person, even if people thought he was cold and distant, you considered him one of the most emotional people you had ever met. He told you about Isabel and Farlan, how he lived with them and joined the Survey Corps together. How he lost them during that damn first expedition. How he still remembered perfectly their lifeless corpses under the cold rain and fog. How he wasn't able to save them. And one thing was sure, they had been the people he had loved the most back in the Undergrounds, even if it was not in a romantic way. He had loved them so much he still had nightmares about their premature deaths. He also loved his mother, well, he loved the few memories he had of her. And Kenny. Deep inside he cared about the man who raised him. He was not the best parental figure on Earth, he actually was a big disaster yet you could tell they had a strong bond.

He was not good with words but he showed his affection with small gestures. Making tea, helping you with your gears investigations, comforting you whenever you needed someone, spending quality time with you every single night, cleaning with you, taking care of your drunk ass... He was showing his love. And yet you thought your feelings were one-sided. Fucking stupid. 

"It doesn't suit you," Levi's deep voice made you come back from the little world you were lost in, "The dress," he clarified.

"Doesn't it?" you chuckled lightly, when you wore those kind of clothes people would always compliment about how beautiful and feminine you looked. You were used to strangers looking at you on the streets and annoyed by the constant chatting. The Ackerman was different. Of course he knew how gorgeous you looked, he couldn't take his eyes from you, but that image was fake. It was not the real you and he hated that. It was a mere facade.

"The Scouts uniform fits you better," he said without changing his monotonous tone. You smiled tenderly and nodded. You agreed with him, the uniform suited you way better and it also was more comfortable. In addition, something about wearing the Survey Corps emblem made you feel proud. The wings of freedom. "We should get going, it's dinner time," he murmured as he stood up and looked at you up and down once more, "Put on some normal clothes, I'll go ahead," he said taking some steps closer to the office door. As soon as he touched the handle he turned around, you could see a hint of a smile over his lips. "We'll be waiting for you," he said before leaving the room.

Taking a deep breath you entered your bedroom and took some 'normal' clothes. _"We'll be waiting for you"_ that simple sentence made your heart skip. In the Survey Corps you were not alone. Levi, Erwin, Hange, Mike, Moblit... you felt so lucky. So so lucky. You got dressed as you remembered that night on the rooftop, when was the last time you got the chance to spend some time with them? Forgetting about titans and walls. That day, you and your friends were the only thing that mattered. You grabbed a cardigan and, with a sweet smile on your face, you headed the canteen.

They were your family.

If in that moment you had known things would change abruptly in a matter of just a few weeks, you would have definitely spent more time together. How clueless you were about how your life was about to turn around. 


	15. Chapter 15

Looking at your surroundings, unable to control your shivering leg, hitting the table with your fingertips and clicking your tongue every 4.25 seconds. It was quite late and Levi hadn’t come to have breakfast yet. It was unusual for him to be delayed.

”Relax, will you?” Erwin took a deep breath as he fixed his eyes on his tea cup.

You faced him and shook your head, “It’s not normal, something’s definitely wrong,” you murmured resting your face on the palm of your hand.

Hange chuckled lightly, “Why don’t you go pick him up?,” they asked looking at your slightly blushed cheeks.

You looked at your friends and stood up abruptly dragging the chair legs over the wooden floor causing a strident chirping noise. You frowned as they laughed at your attitude, almost being too aggressive you took a couple of china cups and the tea pot. “What?” You murmured as they complained. “Will you miss my precious company?” You smirked trying to control some nervousness.

”Not a chance,” Mike took a bite of his bread chewing it as if he was a mere titan lacking any kind of human decency.

Rolling your eyes you wrinkled your nose, “Fucking disgusting,” you said in between your teeth. “Hey,” you grabbed the people from next table’s attention, where your subordinates were “Take care of these children while I’m out,” you said as you mocked your friends and bursted into a loud piercing laughter.

Before having the chance to leave the canteen you felt a tight grabbing on your arm. “You need to know something,” Erwin’s blue gems sparkled in worry. 

“What’s wrong?” You lowered your voice almost in fear. 

He cleared his throat before leaving the place with you. Staying in silence feeling the cold weather penetrate the corridors thin windows you waited for his speaking. “As a commander I have access to all the Survey Corps members’ data,” you nodded slowly and listened carefully, “I can reach to any kind of information about all of you as of origins, family, education, place and date of birth. I even know your height, weight, allergies and health conditions,” he smiled, "How is your iron deficit going by the way?",

”Erwin,” you interrupted him, he was talking way too much. Unusual behaviour. “What’s your point?” You wanted him to be straightforward.

”Today’s Levi’s birthday,” he finally said in a whisper.

You widened your eyes in surprise, “What?” You raised your voice. “Fuck,” you looked at the tea pot and frowned, “You should’ve told me earlier, I don’t have a present and-“

”Do you know about Farlan and Isabel?” He suddenly asked, you nodded slowly, “It’s his first birthday without them, it is indeed his first birthday outside the Underground” he scratched the back of his neck, “It must be hard for him... he needs some space and tranquility,” he said in a whisper.

Gulping loudly you looked at your feet and took a deep breath with some difficulties. You had two clear options: give him some space as Erwin opined and let him overcome his sadness in complete serenity or spend the day with him just to let him know his was not alone. You opted for the second option, "Hey, commander," the blonde pinched the bridge of his nose. You only called him by his title when you wanted something, "Commander," you parroted.

"What?" he said in between his teeth.

You grinned, "I bet you have some good tea leaves in your office, those rare kind only the high commanders have," you blinked, "you know what I mean,". He exhaled sharply and asked you to follow him in silence. Walking firmly towards his place you pushed him to hurry, you were not willing to waist Levi's birthday following the blonde's slow walking, "You know, even having a hell of long legs you walk so fucking slowly," you murmured as he opened the door to his room, "His birthday only lasts twenty-four hours, you know?"

"Hange was right," he said as he looked at you entering abruptly to his place and finishing the reminding old tea from the pot you were carrying in a single shot, "You are starting to sound exactly like him," he chuckled.

"Shut up," you murmured as you felt your cheeks get hotter. "Giving him some special tea is the least we can do," you sighed as you stared him while he looked for the leaves, "If you had told me earlier, I would've bought him something," you clicked your tongue in annoyance. Not only you felt bad for not having a present but also because that made you realise you didn't know such basic data about him like his birthday. Even seeing each other every single night for months, there were still trivial things about him you didn't know. For God's sake, you didn't even know what his favourite colour was. 

"Here," he said giving you the tea. You smiled at him and headed back to the canteen willing to boil some water. "Hey!" he grabbed your attention as soon as you left the room. "Don't be too tough on yourself," you arched a brow without fully understanding his words. Everything Erwin said always managed to have more than a single significance, so those words got stuck in your mind. 

As fast as possible you boiled some water and prepared the tea, your eyes spotted Hannah eating along with your friends, she was chatting vividly laughing at every single word Mike said. How cute. You smiled sweetly before heading Levi's chamber. The tea aroma was incredible. Once you were in front of the wooden thin door, you took a deep breath and knocked firmly, "Levi," you crooned. You waited for half a minute. No response. "Levi," you knocked once more. Still, no response. Your hands shivered in front of the heaviness of the tea set. You took a deep breath, "Levi," still, no response. Maybe he was not there. You put your hand on the handle and realised the door was open.

You gulped loudly, he would never leave his chamber without locking it. You entered as silently as you could. As soon as your eyes spotted his relaxed figure sat on his chair resting his head on the table, over his bent arms, you couldn't help but smile tenderly. You closed the door and left the china set on the coffee table. Trying to step on the wood without emitting any kind of noise, you approached him. Slightly leaning over him you looked at his angelical face. You had never seen him sleeping. Your heart skipped a bit when you saw him biting slightly the inside of his cheek before parting his lips letting a relaxed harmonic exhalation. There was something concerning about seeing him sleeping on his desk, he looked way too comfortable as if that was not the first time he rested in such conditions. Kneeling beside him you fixed your eyes in his relaxed eyebrows and chuckled lightly, you were _oh_ so tempted to kiss his forehead covered by a couple of playful onyx locks. 

"Hmm..." he murmured in his dreams, again your heart skipped as your face flushed. "Brat," he mumbled. That made your eyes widen tearing your gaze from him. All of a sudden you felt a heavy pressure over your head, he had rested his arm on you and had his eyes slightly open fixing his dark orbits in your beautiful face. As your stares met you parted your lips trying to remember how to breathe properly. Your sight was limited to him and only him. As if anything else existed. His slow movements, his sleepy face, his tousled hair. He looked so very different from what you were used to. His composed self, always vigilant was as serene and relaxed as ever. It was a mesmerising scene.

You wished you could see him like that forever.

What you didn’t know was that he was aware of your presence since the moment you opened the door. However, he needed to be sure you were not a dream, a mere illusion created by his half asleep blurry mind, so he stayed in silence and shut his eyes once again. You had saved him. You were his anchor. After chatting with you the night before, he had returned to his dormitory with the attention of sleeping a couple of hours like he usually did but ghosts from the past hunted him incessantly. Every single person he had lost came into his mind precluding his rest. Until he thought about you. Your face, your gestures, your attitude and personality, your melodic voice, your intelligence, your sweet laughter. Everything about you managed to make him feel calmed and find some inner peace in between that crazy world you lived in. Only when you were awake in his mind he was able to fall asleep.

"Tea...?" he rested his chin on the table as he fixed his gaze on the tea pot at the other side of the office. Without taking his heavy arm from your head he breathed deeply letting the delicious strong aroma invade his nostrils. His voice somehow sounded way softer than usual.

You hummed as you felt his firm hand ruffling your hair. In that very moment you had something clear: Sleepy Levi was the best Levi. "Good morning," you whispered grabbing his hand and taking it off of your head. He looked at you once more as your stares met once again. Nervous as ever without even having the capacity of thinking straight you took a deep breath and unconsciously laced your fingers together as if it was the most natural thing to do.

He arched a brow confused by your sudden action. He didn't broke the contact though, your hand felt smooth and delicate. Even a small touch like that felt like a dream. You stood up slowly still holding his hand and gave him your best smile. A hint of a smile was sketched over his lips, "What time is it?" he murmured, face still stuck on the mahogany desk. 

"Late," you murmured letting at last his hand which hit the side of the chair as he incorporated himself, "I brought some tea," you said as you took the china cups and poured some liquid in it. 

He hummed before standing up almost in slow motion and scratching his head as a treacherous yawn made him look even more adorable. Adorable. He looked so fucking adorable. You couldn’t tear your eyes from his fluent motions slowly heading the bathroom leaving you alone as you heard your heart beat at a dangerous speed.

You shut your eyes smelling the black tea as you listened carefully to the bathtub being filled as Levi got ready to take a shower. Waiting peacefully for his comeback you hugged yourself as a shiver crossed your whole body, that was such a cold day the cardigan was starting to get obsoleted. Looking at his cleaned office and his perfectly ordered paperwork made you smile as you remembered the first time you met him next to the broom cabinet. You still remembered the glass cleaning liquid he recommended. It somehow had become your favourite cleaning product. 

Losing the track of time, not knowing if minutes or hours or even days had happened. Levi’s silhouette entering back the office, with his hair dripping some water gently drying it with a white towel flawlessly posed over his shoulders, made you unconsciously bit your bottom lip. He exhaled sharply as he sat on his desk and took the tea cup, widening slightly his eyes, “Where did you find this?” He asked slowly eyes fixed on the beverage, “It’s...” he took a short sip, “Tasty,” he said in a whisper.

You grinned, “Erwin,” you responded simply as he nodded firmly, “Consider it your Birthday present,” you said slowly, measuring your tone voice almost scared of his reaction.

The dark-haired put the cup on his desk and rested his chin on his hands, elbows on the table. “So you knew it, huh?” He said blandly making it difficult for you to figure out what he was thinking about.

”I just learned about it,” you hummed as you looked at his beautiful silver stare. He shut his eyes slowly letting a broken exhalation, his slightly shivering hands were concerning and worrying. “What’s in your mind?” You whispered as your eyes traveled all around his face.

”A lot,” he mumbled shutting his eyes harder. His baritone voice had dropped dangerously acquiring a deep bass tone. He opened slowly his eyes meeting with your attentive gaze as you waited patiently for him to proceed. After so many nights of him comforting you, your turn had finally arrived. “Death,” he whispered.   
  
You gulped loudly and nodded in understanding, you felt exactly the same. Those inner demons had already become a part of you and it looked like he had the same exact problem. 

“Isabel and Farlan,” he said in a whisper as his stomach tightened in nervousness, “They bought me a wooden broom for my last birthday,” a hint of a smile was stained by sadness and sorrow. “They got it from a traffic chain of the Undergrounds, it was unique there. That broom could only be found on the big cities like Trost, Hermina or Stohess,” he paused for a second to clench his fists in an attempt to control his shivering. "I still have no fucking idea of how much money did they spend,".

”How nice,” you smiled lightly.

Levi hummed, “I’ve never liked my birthday,” he frowned, “Kenny said it was a useless celebration but every now and then he would give me something special, like a brand new knife,” he said monotonous voice, blank stare.

You chuckled nervously not knowing how to react. Remembering your former birthdays you realised how very different your childhoods had been. Not as if you didn’t know it already. The best gift you got was when you turned fourteen and your parents gave you the most expensive golden necklace you ever saw with the family emblem on it. 

He served himself a second cup of tea and took a long sip letting the beverage rest in his mouth for a little longer savouring the intense taste of such an expensive gift. “Nobody did big celebrations for birthdays back in the Undergrounds,” he murmured, “It seems here everybody goes crazy about them,” he said remembering Erwin’s special day not too long ago. You threw a party in _petit comité_ and gave him a thick olive scarf, you even baked a simple cake with Hange’s assistance. You could tell the onyx-haired felt uncomfortable during all the little party celebration yet you didn’t talk about it in that moment.

You pressed your lips as your stare was fixed in his, “Then,” you smiled tenderly, “This will be the first birthday from a hundred that will come,” your cheeks got a shade pinker.

"A hundred?" he sighed.

“Let me celebrate it every year,” you stood up and raised your voice as he crossed his arms and looked at your gestures arching an eyebrow, “Next time I’ll get you a present though,” you chuckled lightly.

”No need,” he shook his head.

You timidly put a lock of your hair behind your ear, “Shut up,” you stuttered a bit nervous and embarrassed of your sudden enthusiasm. You walked firmly towards the window without dropping your bright smile, “Levi,” your eyes sparkled in joy as you looked through the window, “Snow,” you said touching the cold glass with your fingertips.

”Hey!” He stood up abruptly and grabbed your wrist, “Don’t touch the window with your dirty hands you shitty brat,” he shut his mouth as soon as his eyes spotted the breathtaking white landscape. 

His astonished expression, slightly parted lips and widened eyes made you realise that was the first time he had seen snow. A quick shiver traveled across your dorsal spine, something about him discovering that kind of weather made you blissfully happy. “Let’s go,” you took his hand and dragged him towards the door. Hearing his complaining he grabbed his coat and let you lead the path.

”You’re so annoying,” he murmured as you continued dragging him outside the building. As soon as your feet touched the training field ground you let him free and started to run feeling your feet being buried a couple of inches under the immaculate snow. 

As you turned around to face him you saw his relaxed face looking at you, with his arms crossed resting on the door frame. You thank God everybody was still having breakfast getting the opportunity to spend some alone time with him. “Come one,” you crooned.

The most beautiful and bright smile you had ever fainted mesmerised the shorty. He took a deep breath before approaching you. Walking slowly enjoying that brand new sensation. As the cold entered your body you felt a slight tremble running from his feet to your head. “It’s...” he murmured inhaling deeply feeling his lungs freeze in front of the cold breeze. “It’s nice,” he whispered fixing his eyes on you.

”It is!” You shouted before a loud sweet laughter. Taking some snow from the ground you looked at him with a teasing smile, as he was about to open his mouth you threw it over his head. He frowned as you took a couple of steps aside and stuck out your tongue, “My vengeance for letting me fall onto the mud the other day,” you hummed. It was like a dream, having the chance to forget about your problems even if it was for only some hours felt wonderful. Titans, nightmares, death, loneliness, anxiety, sadness, family issues. Everything felt so insignificant in that moment.

He rolled his eyes as he made a snowball feeling his hands awkwardly frozen and wet, “You, idiot,” he said in between his teeth throwing the ball hitting your left arm. That was enough to start a little war between the two of you. Running and throwing snowballs under the light snow flakes and heavy grey clouds. Feeling a trembling on your cool pink cheeks, you narrowed your eyes before sneezing loudly a couple of times, “Loud,” he clicked his tongue.

You hummed, “You are supposed to say something like ‘bless you’ “ you chuckled lightly sneezing once more as you felt your nose get even colder. 

He exhaled sharply as he murmured something intelligible under his breath. Without hesitating he took off his coat and put it gently over your shoulders making your heart beat faster. You were glad your cheeks were already pink because of the weather and he wasn’t able to see your flush. That brief contact made you feel really nervous, Levi's smell all over you didn't help either. 

“You’ll get a cold,” you managed to murmur as you grabbed the coat willing to give it back to him.

He patted your shoulder avoiding your gesture, “Shut up, brat” his hand accidentally touched yours as you closed your eyes abruptly. Even breathing harmonically became a difficult thing to do. You didn’t see him smile gently as his eyes were fixed on you cute embarrassed expression.

Waking up next to you, drinking the best tea he ever had, seeing the snow for the first time, playing like a mere child and seeing you wearing his coat. If you were willing to spend all his following birthdays together he couldn’t help but wait expectantly for a year to pass by. What he was completely clueless about was that the following year would be a fiendishly rollercoaster he was definitely unprepared to take. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh... special chapter for Levi’s birthday 🥺
> 
> Merry Christmas! ❤️✨


	16. Chapter 16

**A month later...**

Sometimes destiny is whimsical. There are times when people are where they are not supposed to be. Seeing or hearing something it's not meant to be heard nor seen. Exposed lies and secrets. Causalities that could change someone's life in just a few minutes. Therefore, that early winter morning, when Levi spotted something unusual in front of Darius Zackly's office he knew almost immediately he was about to hear what he was not supposed to hear.

He had never seen her, the onyx-haired had never seen your mother yet, her fancy clothes and elegant gestures made it pretty obvious who she was. Not to talk about how similar you both looked. The Captain decided to wait around the corner for her to enter the office before standing in front of the door listening to what was happening in that room. As soon as he heard your name being mentioned he felt his body get tense. Long story short, he was now walking firmly towards his room not without explaining everything to Hange once they ran into each other in the dormitories' corridors.

When he had his ODM gears equipped and his emerald cape on, he opened your office door abruptly. His sudden presence made you jump a little, immersed in your paperwork you were not expecting him to enter in such a hurry early in the morning. "Levi?" you arched a brow as you stood up from your desk and saw him walking firmly towards you opening the window aggressively. "What are you-?"

"No time," he interrupted blandly, grabbing you by your waist and using his gears to escape from your room, sticking on the building facade holding you tightly against his body avoiding an ugly fall. He put his hand over your mouth as you heard some people enter your chamber and yelling your name. In any other occasion you would probably had gotten nervous in front of such an intimate contact.

Because of the noise the intruders were doing, you assumed they were cluttering your whole place. You widened your eyes staring at him in fear, what the hell was happening? You did not understand a thing. Without emitting any kind of noise he used the ODMG to reach the rooftop where he rapidly took them off.

"Levi," you felt a slight shiver over your body as he knelled on the floor and put the gears on you, "What's going on?" you asked looking at him in concern and confusion. 

He stood up for a second and put his cape over your shoulders before knelling once again and continue his labor, "Your mother," he said in between his teeth as you tied the emerald cloth, "She has talked to that fucker, Zackly," he shook his head, "she has probably bribed him," he made sure the gears were tied tightly before standing up and facing you, feeling the winter morning breeze freezing his bones, "You are accused from disobedience of lawful authority," he frowned.

"No way," you gulped loudly, "She... she has no political power anymore," you felt some difficulties in breathing as your talking became slow dragging your tongue in between your teeth.

"She hadn't thus she fucking bought it," he looked slightly by the rooftop edge and clicked his tongue, "The Military Police is after you," he said grabbing you by the arms and shaking you lightly in an attempt to make you come back to reality, "Focus," he said as serious as ever.

"I-" you stuttered trying to find some confidence in his silver stare. He looked worried so you decided to fix your eyes on his feet as your hearing got perturbed by an annoying ring.

Some yells and footsteps could be heard from all around the headquarters, you pressed your lips and tried to control your nervousness, "There's no time Y/n," he said pressing your arms. "Hey, look at me," he shook you once more, "Look at me," he parroted finally gaining your attention. "Take a horse, we'll meet in the forest where we first fought," he ordered firmly looking at your eyes, "I'll talk to Erwin," he broke the grabbing and headed the rooftop door, "Go, now," he commanded making you gasp and use the gears to escape as he entered the building and fought against a couple of MPs.

“Levi...” you whispered as you did what he said. Some MPs chased you, you were glad they were not as good as you using the ODMG. The Survey Corps were way too used to using them almost daily, those pigs from the capital had a way too comfortable life to even know how they worked. You rapidly noticed some members of the Scouts, all of them fighting against the MP and defending you. Smiling thankfully for their help you headed the stable not without being grabbed by one of your chasers only a few metres far from it. "Fuck," you murmured as you tried to broke the grabbing.

"Long time no see you," you recognised that voice in just a few seconds.

You faced him feeling a tight knot on your throat, "Herbert," you said in a whisper.

He took a deep breath, "I'm happy about the idea of me being the one to arrest you," he took both your wrists firmly.

"Listen," you said as you tried to avoid his dragging, "Please, listen," you tried to maintain composure. "You know I don't deserve being encased in a dungeon," you tried to explain yourself. He looked fierce but you knew, deep inside, he trusted you. He had not called for any back-ups. He had caught you and yet he decided to let his comrades keep looking for you.

"It's been my mother," you decided to explain yourself even if he was not facing you, he was listening "She wants to use me, my father died, you know? She lost her title and she needs me, but you know me, I am not willing to sacrifice myself for that woman," you were talking as fast as ever almost getting lost in your own words feeling nervous and consumed by fear, "Hey, are you listening Herbert?" you laughed nervously feeling scared as hell, you were a complete mess "She has bribed them, you know how things work when you are fucking rich," you almost spitted those words.

He stopped abruptly and finally looked into your eyes, "Zackly gave the order to arrest you for disobedience," he finally said lowering his voice, "We were not given any kind of further information," he clicked his tongue. Joining the Survey Corps meant being somehow free of your own actions and decisions, you went on expeditions and shared the same exact goal. The means to achieve that goal were subjective and open. On the other side, the Military Police followed rules without questioning them. That made him feel like a mere pawn. 

"You have to trust me, Herbert," your scared gaze pierced his mind, "I... I just want to be free," your voice cracked. 

You heard some footsteps approaching you firmly, the ginger man pushed you around the corner and rested on the building brick wall, "Becker," a tall quite robust man gained Herbert's attention, "Have you seen the woman?" he asked firmly. The knot in your throat tightened as you shut your eyes expecting the worst scenario.

Your former comrade exhaled sharply and scratched his cheek, "There is no trace of her around here," he said blandly. Once the MP got away, Herbert looked at you and sighed, "You are a pain in the ass," he said in between his teeth, "I gave you an opening, do not fuck it up, okay?" his voice sounded deeper.

Nodding firmly you watched his departure as you finally got on the stable. Once there, your lips parted in surprise as you saw not only yours but also Levi's full squad. All of them were equipped with the gears and wore the Scouts cape. "Captain," Hannah put your hood on before pointing a horse, "Hange told us everything," she said as you got on the horse.

"We'll leave the headquarters together," this time, young Petra was the one to talk, "We'll go on different directions, wearing our capes on will make it difficult for the MP to know which one you are," she nodded.

You frowned as your eyes traveled around the place, "You'll be considered abettors," you said looking at all of them in concern. They all showed you a bright confident smile.

"We are just doing what we believe it's the correct thing to do" Eld put on his hood, "Besides," he gulped loudly, "Captain Levi is way scarier than any member of the MP," he chuckled nervously.

You laughed back, “All of you..." you prepared yourself for the departure, "thank you," you said as Gunther opened the stable doors letting all of you leave the place. Following ten jockeys at the same time was definitely a difficult task for the Military Police. 

You galloped as fast as your horse could, feeling the winter breeze against you and some clouds menacing to rain. Feeling your heart tightened you tried to avoid thinking about everything that had just happened. In a matter of just half an hour you have left everything and everyone behind. You didn't know what you were supposed to do now, how things would evolve from that very moment. You life had taken a heavy U-turn.

Levi, Hange, Erwin... you didn't know what they were doing either. Both Hange and Levi were now highly involved, as well as your squads. They were going to receive a severe punishment for their actions, that was a sure thing. You gulped loudly as you detoured a small village causing a couple of your chasers lose your trace before heading the forest. Feeling sick and dizzy you couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the sudden turn your life had taken, but you couldn't hesitate now. "Focus," you told yourself hurrying the horse.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR! ✨

Hours. So many hours had passed since you left the headquarters and there was still no trace of your comrades. You didn’t know how much time had exactly passed but, the Sun Set had been not too long ago. You assumed it was around dinner time already as your stomach complained about its emptiness.

As soon as you had reached the depths of the forest you had let your horse get back to the stable, erasing any lose end of your whereabouts. You had lied down on a thick dogwood branch, where you still remained, entertaining yourself by passing your fingers through Levi’s cape. The wings of freedom. How ironic. That freedom you lacked so fucking much was patched in every single piece of cloth you wore daily. 

When you finally heard some galloping approaching, you quickly took a look only to spot a couple of people wearing the Survey Corps capes. Sighing in relief you used the ODM gears and jumped onto the ground. As soon as they tied their horses, and an extra one they brought, they took off their hoodies. You smiled tenderly as Hange patted your shoulder. “I’m sorry for our delay,” they said in worry.

You shook your head, “How’s everything?” You asked as impatient as ever.

Levi took a deep breath, “Chaotic,” he said fixing his eyes in the greenery under your feet.

The brunette cleared their throat as they gained some time thinking about the best way of explaining the situation, “It’s like this whole case has triggered a kind of a civil war inside the Military,” they took a deep breath, “The Survey Corps are fighting for justice and freedom. Defending your innocence and denouncing Zackley’s corruption,” they frowned, “The Military Police are condemning you by defending the laws and unquestionable authority are unwavering... meanwhile, the Garrisons, have remained silent.”

You clenched your fists as you processed all that information. There had always been tension between the MP and the SC, yet it had never been something notable in the everyday life.

”Your squad has been enclosed in the dungeons,” the onyx-haired said slowly as you widened your eyes in worry.

You felt guilty.

“They’ll face a punishment of being there for a week,” Hange clarified, “We’ll receive the same treating as soon as we head back,” they smiled, “We were about to get caught but that boy, Herbert, uncovered and helped us,” they said as Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance and rolled his eyes. He still didn’t like him. "Zackley considers you had started an insurrection against the Military forces, you are now not only accused of disobedience but also of sedition". 

You rested your back on a tree and crossed your arms in front of your chest, “So, what’s the plan now?” You asked fearing the response.

They looked at each other before nodding firmly, “I’ve talked to Erwin,” Levi was the one to speak, “While those pigs of the MP are behind you, you’ll have to go into exile,” he stared you. His eyes were full of worry and a trace of sadness could be found in them, “We won’t be able to contact you,” he clarified before proceeding, “From now on, you’ll live in Shiganshina. A couple of Erwin’s former comrades are part of the Garrisons living there. They apparently are trustful people who will let you enter the city walls without any problem. You’ll head there as soon as the Sun rises,” he didn’t tear his eyes from yours.

Feeling your heart beat increase your eyes traveled from him to the brunette and vice versa a couple of times wishing everything was a bad and cruel joke. You passed your fingers through your hair as you tried to process everything he just said as you finally assumed it was, in fact, very real “How much time are we talking about?” You murmured as an annoying ring perturbed your hearing.

Hange shrugged their shoulders, “Who knows,” they shut their eyes, “Days, weeks, months... in the worst of cases years,” that sentence made you shudder.

”Years...?” You managed to ask as you hugged the emerald cape in between your arms.

They both stayed in complete silence and left you alone with your thoughts before recollecting some wood to start a campfire. They had brought you some bread and potatoes as they assumed you would be hungry after such a long wait. They were right, you finished everything in a matter of a few minutes. Trying to control your overwhelming feelings your gaze got fixed in the fire as you heard the wood cracking. Somehow that noise managed to calm the storm inside your head.

Hange rested their head on a tree as they looked at you with a smile before yawning loudly, “I am not a night owl like you guys,” they stretched their arms and sat on the greenery, “I need some rest,” they laughed lightly in an attempt to defuse the atmosphere. You smiled back before standing up and approaching a tree a little far from them so they could rest peacefully, in only a couple of minutes Levi followed you in silence.

Sitting on the solid and resting your head on the wood you took a deep breath, “Why is everything so fucking complicated?” You whispered as he sat next to you. Your body shivered as you hugged your legs and rested your forehead on your knees. “I hate it,” you lowered your tone, “I just want to be free...” your voice broke as you looked at him slightly. 

He took a deep breath and -after hesitating for a brief moment- he gently took your left hand. You attentively looked at his movements as he caressed your ring finger with his thumb ghosting the place where a wedding ring is supposed to be worn. “No one is going to steal your freedom,” he said firmly lacing his fingers with yours, “I promise,” he stated as you tried to smile.

You slowly rested your head over his shoulder and shut your eyes hearing the wood cracking in the distance. _“In the worst of cases, years”_ Hange’s words echoed in your mind. In that case, you had nothing to lose now so you decided to finally talk about how you felt. You made your heart brave before taking a deep breath, “Hey Levi,” you grabbed his attention.

”What?” He asked.

You stayed in silence for some seconds still unable to open your eyes. Nervousness was rushing through your veins as you inhaled his smell and tried to relax. “I need to tell you something,” you whispered, “We don’t know how all this situation will end so I need to take it all off my chest,” you gulped loudly as you turned your head around breaking the contact and avoiding his fixed stare. "Perhaps I am being selfish by telling you this," You exhaled sharply and counted down from ten, “I... I have feelings for you,” you finally said.

The longest twenty-three seconds of your life. He stayed in silence for what seemed an eternity, “What kind?” He finally perturbed the wood cracking noise.

You chuckled nervously, “What kind?” You parroted still showing him your back, “You already know what I am talking about,” you said in between your teeth.

He hummed, “No clue,” he said blandly. You turned your head around willing to face him, feeling your heart compressed. Of course you didn’t think about him reciprocating your feelings but at least you expected more of a human reaction. You were about to open your mouth to say something. However, his movements were way faster. You didn’t even know when he had put his hands over your cheeks. You weren't even aware of how close your bodies really were. You had no idea how or when he had come so near, but his lips were suddenly pressing against yours. As soon as your brain processed what was happening you laced your fingers with his raven locks and deepened the kiss almost scared of its ending. Pausing only for a brief moment to catch some air you immersed yourself once again in his mesmerising taste. His soft, smooth lips managed to hypnotise you like a magic spell. Craving for more not able to break it. Finally, your overwhelming feelings were being released.

”This is your definition of being clueless?” You whispered ghosting his lips feeling his hands against your waist firmly grabbing it and making you sit over his lap.

His silver stare fixed in your eyes coloured by the dim Moon light as he leaned over you, stealing another sealing kiss from your addicting lips. Wandering calmly his tongue around your mouth. He then suddenly shook his head in between the deep desperate kisses. “Fuck,” he murmured as he rested his forehead on your shoulder. That short heavenly dream had been blurred by the reality of the nightmarish situation. You gasped in front of the sudden motion as you caressed sweetly his hair. You made your heart brave once more avoiding some tears to drop.

“I-“ you stuttered, “I am scared,” you said as he faced you once again, “I don’t want to be alone,” you whispered, “I am so fucking scared of loneliness,”.

“I know,” He took your hands and caressed them gently before travelling his stare from your sore lips to your watery eyes, “You’ll have to wait for me,”.

You nodded slowly before passing your fingertips over his cheek and kissing him once more, memorising his taste and texture. Studying carefully his breathing and gestures. Engraving in your mind every single thing you wanted to remember about him. As you broke the kissing you pressed your foreheads together. Putting your hand in your pocket, you took your golden necklace, the one with your family emblem and red gems, “I want you to take this,” you said pressing the pendant against his chest, “You can keep it or sell it in the Undergrounds,” you chuckled lightly.

He took both the jewel and your hand as he caressed it in circular motions, “I’ll get quite a lot of money for it,” a hint of a smile was drawn over his face.

You smiled tenderly, “Idiot,” you felt a heavy weight over your shoulders disappear. At least, you had resolved an aspect of your life, even if it was something as simple as confessing your feelings to him. 

He gently put a loose lock of hair behind your ear, “Don’t act impulsively,” he frowned. He knew you, you were not willing to stay still if you had the opportunity to escape. You nodded, “Don’t be a brat,” he grabbed you by the waist and made you sit on the floor once again. You pouted as he patted your head, “You're smart, you'll know what to do," he murmured, "Try to rest now, tomorrow’s going to be a long day,” he leaned the back of his head on the tree as you rested yours over his shoulder. Feeling comfortable enough he allowed himself to put his arm around your shoulder and push you against his chest. You felt your cheeks get hotter as you shut your eyes and tried to sleep for at least a couple of hours.

It was weird for him to have that kind of affectionate attitude. However, being in front of the idea of losing you, even if it was temporary, was like a terrible bane. Therefore, even if it was for some hours, he wanted to be as caring with you as possible. Whatsoever, he thanked God you were the one to take the first step and talk about that unresolved tension and confusing feelings he had had for several months.

Condemning himself for his own obliviousness he couldn't help but think about how things would be if he had been honest with himself. Perhaps, as a taken woman, your mother would have left you alone. Because of bureaucratic stuff you would have gotten married only for being recognised in front of the law and she wouldn't have had the opportunity to arrange a marriage with another man. Maybe he had had the chance to save you. But now? It was too late. Not a single judge on the empire would celebrate a marriage when you were the hot spot of the military. In addition, after everything you had lived, he was pretty sure you abhorred the idea of getting married. By his side, he found marriage stupid and unnecessary but, because of how laws were made, it happened to be a concept very present in your life so he had learned to live with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, today is my bday and I really felt like posting this chapter 🥺


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah- I don't now if it's a good idea updating this fic so often! I feel I'm being annoying tbh

Taking a deep breath with your eyes completely shut, gently caressing the horse's fur. Giving them your ODM gears but keeping Levi's cape with you. Listening carefully to Hange's words beautifully harmonised with the birds' chant and the wind hitting the leaves. Grey thick clouds menacing with some heavy rain and a cold breeze framed your so feared farewell. "Everything's going to be okay," the brunette tried really hard to look cool and serene but, after so many years, you could tell when they felt uneasy.

You nodded tenderly before giving them a sweet hug, "I'll do alright," you faked a smile, "I've been through worse," you laughed nervously as you took a small leather bag from them.

As soon as you broke the contact, Levi's concerning stare met yours. Gulping loudly you took a step closer to him, you were dying to kiss his lips and taste him one last time but, knowing his personality, he would feel really uncomfortable with showing some kind of affection in Hange's presence. You respected that so you decided to hug him instead. Tightening the grabbing he firmly pushed you by the waist towards his body as you drowned your face on the crook of his neck, inhaling his aroma one last time before your painful departure. "Wait for me," he whispered into your ear. 

You nodded once more breaking the hug and riding the horse, "Thank you," you said before making your heart brave and leaving the forest in extreme precaution feeling some tears dropping all over your face, you didn’t want them to see you cry. "Focus," you murmured to yourself. Shiganshina was about 110km to the South, it would take a solid amount of three hours to get there. Hearing the firm gallops you couldn’t help but feel some anxiety perturb your thinking, were Hange and Levi going to be okay? They told you about the punishment they would face once they got back but, after helping you escape a second time, you already knew their penalisation would be even sterner and stricter. 

You shook your head trying to avoid those kind of worry. You had to focus and use the opening they gave you. You needed to arrive to Shiganshina as soon as possible. However, a constant concerning thought was piercing your mind; once there, what were you going to do? You’d have to stay in a hostel and find a job for sure, you also were pretty sure there were going to be some MP looking for you around the city. You’d have to fight. “Great,” you murmured in between your teeth as soon as you noticed some dim rain, it didn’t take a lot of time for you to realise it was actually snow. Ah, God. When was the last time it snowed? “On Levi’s birthday,” you answered yourself after exhaling sharply.

***

Entering the city had been a piece of cake, Erwin’s former comrades recognised you immediately and opened the gate for you. Leaving the horse on a near by stable was also easy, you just had to pay a couple of silver coins for keeping it there a full month.

The harshest difficulty you faced was escaping from a couple of Military Police officers. They ran after you through the busy streets, they hadn’t seen your face properly yet the Wings of Freedom from your brown jacket made them suspect. You thank God you kept the cape on your bag so you only had to threw the jacket on a small alley. In that poor state, you were going to catch a cold for sure. Running as if your life depended on it -what it kind of actually did- you lost one of the MP only to notice his partner was jumping off a short building. You decided to fight him. Kicking and punching you managed to almost knock him off. Almost. In less than a minute you felt a gunshot pierce your left leg. “Fuck,” you cried before turning around a corner and resting on a brick wall.

”Hey,” you heard the MP yelling, “Do you know what you are doing?” He sounded annoyed. You couldn’t see him though, he was still at the other side of the alley.

”Yeah,” an unknown voice said, “A Military Police causing a chaos in my city,” he said, “As a Garrison my duty is to end with this kind of shit, I don’t care in witch position you are or who you are,” and then it clicked. You recognised that voice, he was one of the men who helped you enter the city walls.

Pressing your wound trying to control the bleeding you chuckled nervously. “Thank God,” As you cleaned some sweat drops from your forehead you slowly sat on the dirty muggy floor, Levi would definitely be disgusted. “Fuck,” you murmured feeling kind of sick and dizzy.

”Hey!” You heard a voice approaching you and some quick steps. You didn’t have the strength to fight as your eyes were involuntary shutting and your body had already give up, “Are you okay?” Your blurred sight could distinguish a petite figure in front of you.

”Turquoise eyes...” you said in a whisper before losing your conscience and hitting the ground with your whole body.

***

Opening your eyes in slow motion trying to get used to the light. Looking at the white ceiling starting to hear someone’s writing. The noise became clearer as the perturbed ring sound you were not even aware you were hearing disappeared. “Oh,” an unknown man’s voice made you jump a little, “You are finally awake,” the voice got higher as the man approached you.

”Where am I?” You asked trying to incorporate yourself and sit on the bed you were resting on, “Who are you?” You faced the middle aged man that was with you.

He rapidly grabbed your arm and gently helped you to sit properly, “Take it easy,” he said sitting on a chair near the bed, “That wound was pretty bad,” he pointed your leg.

You looked under the sheets only to see your leg bandaged, “Did you heal me?” With some difficulties, you gulped loudly.

”It’s my duty as a doctor,” he laughed lightly, “You also got a fever,” he put his hand on your forehead, “You’ve gotten better now though,” he adjusted his glasses as you looked slightly through the window and tried to calculate how many hours you had been sleeping. The Sun light was darker than usual so you rapidly assumed it was late afternoon. “A couple of days,” he said as if he had read your mind, “You’ve been asleep for a couple of days,”

You widened your eyes in both surprise and worry, “No way,” you moved nervously, “I have things to do I-“

He interrupted you abruptly, “Captain Y/n,” you felt a shiver cross your dorsal spine once he pronounced your name, “My son and my daughter found you with a gun wound on the streets, a friend of them called me immediately and I brought you here,” he cleared his throat and proceeded, “A couple of Military Police have been here, I hope you don’t mind I hid you in a cabinet,” he laughed nervously, “If I’m being honest, I don’t really care why they are looking for you,”

”Why are you helping me doc?” You asked slowly. As a civilian, the easiest and most responsible thing he could have done was report you to the MP, so, him helping you, was unusual and kind of suspicious “Doctor...?” You indirectly asked for his name.

He hummed, “Doctor Grisha Jaeger,” he clarified “I used to go see the Survey Corps before every expedition, you know? Former Commander Keith is my beloved friend, I owe him my life,” his genuine smile made you smile back tenderly, “The least I could do was help one of his subordinates,” he chuckled, “In addition, my son is a fan of the Survey Corps,” he said in a whisper almost as if he was telling you a secret.

”That’s unusual,” you laughed under your breath.

”It is,” he stretched his arms, “I think he wants to join you- Ah, his mother is going to kill him once she founds out,” the doctor was interrupted by four knocks on the door. He stood up as you grabbed the end of the bed sheets in tension, you looked at him who shook his head trying to comfort you, “Speaking of the devil,” he said opening the door.

A young boy, not older than nine, entered nervously at the consultation. His sparkling eyes got fixed on you as he ran towards the bed. Those turquoise eyes now had an owner. “You’re finally awake,” he said leaving a bag at the end of the bed, “My mum gave me some clothes for you,” he hummed pointing the bag.

”Captain,” the doctor patted your shoulder, “This is my son, Eren,” the kid smiled brightly.

”That’s a nice name,” you exhaled tiredly, “thank you for saving me, Eren,” you gave him the sweetest smile you could.

He seemed happy, “It is my duty,” he saluted firmly, “I am strong enough to save the humanity’s second strongest!” He made you laugh.

Ah. You were dying to mock Mike and tell him how people considered you being the second strongest. Screw him, you indeed were stronger than him. You coughed lightly before having some water offered, you nodded as a silent thanks before drinking it all in a single shot, “Is there any cheap hostel near here?” You asked scratching the back of your neck, “It seems like I’ll stay here for quite a long time,” you chuckled nervously.

The doctor hummed, “There is one near the main bridge,”.

You took a deep breath before looking slightly through the window and spotting the river crossing the city, “By any chance, do you know of somewhere I could work for now? As a waitress or something like that?” You looked at your injury, “When will it be fully recovered by the way?” You needed to be healthy if you wanted to work.

”A month at the minimum,” he said in between his teeth.

”You can work here,” young Eren took part of the conversation, “Dad always complains about his work and how he needs a helper” he mumbled.

You ruffled his hair in a friendly way, “I am not a doctor I wouldn’t be of much help for your father,” you hummed.

Grisha shook his head, “I actually only need help with taking care of my patients. You know, help them recover and giving them food,” he nodded firmly, “I’d be honoured to have you as my employee, Captain” he smiled offering you a handshake.

You reciprocated it firmly, “I am looking forward working with you then,” you nodded back.

Feeling a tight knot on your throat obstructing your breathing you looked at the child and smiled. If you wanted to go back to the Survey Corps headquarters you had to be patient, meanwhile you’ll spend your time with them. The ones who had saved you. You now felt like a damsel in distress, being helped by the nth time this week. The nickname _princess_ was starting to feel appropriate. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank youuuu very much for your comments!! I am really happy you actually enjoy the story 🥺 UGH I get really emotional when I read them ❤️

**Two months later...**

You crooned under your breath while you cleaned the windows from Grisha’s office, the warm morning Sun light gently caressed your face as you smiled brightly noticing some cherry blossoms on the streets. Spring had finally arrived and that meant the Survey Corps were finally going on expeditions again. You were not allowed to see them yet, knowing they’ll be in the same city, even if it was for some minutes, made you happy.

You really wished you could see them but the situation was extremely delicate. The SC were on your side but who could assure you there were not people working alongside the MP? With only a couple of silver coins a Scout could have been easily bought, you couldn’t risk to be seen by them and inform the MPs about your new location. For now, you could only trust Levi and his squad, Hange and Moblit, Mike, Erwin and your former squad. 

After getting fully recovered you started working for the doctor. Feeding his patients and taking care of them with simple tasks, you even learned how to put a vaccine. Once a week, you would have dinner at Jaeger’s, the mother, Carla, was an excellent cook. She somehow was the mother you had always wished to have; caring, gentle, loving, strict but fair, understanding... not to talk about how beautiful she was.

The kids would visit you every single day, they were fond of you and enjoyed your company. Eren would ask incessantly about expeditions and titans, Armin would talk about science and literature, he was a smart and curious boy, and Mikasa would listen carefully to everything you said. She never asked you anything though. The three of them managed to lighten your days, the only problem was when they came injured. They would usually get into fights with some stupid brats and always managed to get highly involved. You were getting tired of healing their bruises and cuts.

At first, you were kind of nervous of leaving the clinic building. The Military Police left the city a week after your arrival yet you couldn’t help but feel uneasy about the Garrisons. However, when you once went shopping and a couple of them recognised you and did nothing about it, you felt tranquil _. “Is there an expedition anytime soon?” “I dunno”_ that brief conversation between them made you realise the Garrisons who lived far from the headquarters had no idea about your situation and the little Civil War going on. It was only a matter of time for them to find out but, for now, you were safe.

”Good morning,” The children entered the medical office and sat on the bed. There were still no patients. 

“Good morning,” you greeted back leaving the cleaning products on a table. You looked at a pot of liquid and passed your fingertips through its label. Ah, that was Levi’s favourite glass cleaner. 

Eren smiled brightly, you loved that kid’s cheerfulness “There’s an expedition today,” he said moving his legs energetically.

You nodded firmly, “Are you going to see them leave the walls?” You sat on the wooden chair and crossed your legs feeling a light burning pain over your wound. A new scar for your collection.

“Of course,” he crossed his arms and nodded.

”Hey... Can -can I ask you something?” Armin stuttered looking at you almost in fear. You nodded and waited patiently for his question, “I’ve been wondering...” he frowned, “How far have you been from the walls?”.

You arched a brow, “What do you mean?” You put your hands over your knees.

”Do you know what the ocean is?” His eyes sparkled in emotion, you shook your head slowly. “It’s a huge water extension full of salt! A seller would be able to recollect salt every single day and never run out of existence”.

“Really?” You laughed lightly. Maybe that was a common fairytale among children from the city. Or... maybe... he was right. Perhaps, that ocean he talked about was indeed real. You actually had no idea of how the world looked outside the walls so how could you be sure the ocean didn’t exist? That kid reminded you a lot of Erwin, he surely was like that too when he was a child. “Hmm...” you stared him firmly, “Maybe there’s where the river ends,” you tried to look as serious as ever avoiding him to think he was being mocked at.

He widened his eyes in surprise, “But the river’s water is not salty,” he pressed his lips together.

You hummed and sat on the bed, in between him and Eren, “Perhaps the ocean is salty because of where it is? Maybe the solid beyond has minerals and...” You tried to think harder. Oh no, if that conversation continued you would definitely get into _that_ mood. 

“Are you distracting her again?” Grisha’s sudden entrence made you lose track of your thinking.

You smiled as the children pouted, “We just wanted to hear some Survey Corps stories,” Eren said in between his teeth.

Looking at him firmly you patted his shoulder, “I need to ask you something,” you lowered your voice, “It is really really important, can I trust you?” He nodded firmly and saluted, you smiled before leaning on his ear and telling him what to do.

Feeling his body tense and his turquoise eyes widen in fear you looked at him waiting for a response, “I can’t do that,” he said gulping loudly. You were already expecting that kind of reaction, “He’s scary and he’s gonna kill me,” his voice trembled.

You sighed, “He’s not gonna kill you,” you said as he nodded repeatedly, “He is not going to touch you I promise,” he shook his head repeatedly, “Soldier Eren Jaeger,” you frowned, “Can’t I trust you this important mission?” You pretended to be angry, “I am far from disappointed,” you clicked your tongue.

He hummed as he jumped off the bed and saluted once more, “You can trust me, Captain,” he said firmly before leaving the place along his friends as you chuckled lightly with Grisha.

”Eren,” Mikasa and Armin ran behind him trying to catch his speed, “What are you going to do?” She asked receiving no response, “Eren,” she complained.

As soon as the children arrived the Main Street, they stood up on a couple of wooden boxes and waited patiently for the Survey Corps to appear. Wearing graciously their emerald capes, galloping firmly and fixing their stare on wall Maria they surely looked impotent. Eren’s bright gems travelled around their faces as he tried to recognise all of them so he could later tell you who was there. Doing that task would be more important after the expedition since that would be the only way for you to know who died and who survived.

As his eyes met the humanity’s strongest soldier he couldn’t help but get nervous, “Corporal Levi,” he tried to gain his attention. “Corporal Levi!” He cleared his throat and raised his voice, “Corporal Levi!” He waved his hands energetically, “Corporal Levi!” He was still being ignored, “Corporal Levi!” His throat hurt.

“Annoying loud brat...” the onyx-haired murmured rolling his eyes and clicking his tongue before finally looking at the child. 

Eren took a deep breath. His mouth got dry as he prepared himself to die in Levi’s hands after what he was about to say. For a brief second he pressed his lips unable to speak but, when he remember he had indeed promised you he would do it, he couldn’t help but accomplish his mission. Therefore, he made his heart brave and filled his lungs with air putting his hands around his mouth in an attempt to raise his voice, “You suck at comforting people!” He yelled as loud as he could.

A deadly silence was created all over the city only perturbed by Hange’s loud piercing laughter. They almost fell from the horse. Levi exhaled sharply, everybody was expecting him to jump off the horse and kill the kid but he reminded in complete silence instead. He knew it. The only person who could tell him _that_ was you. You were definitely alive and safe and somehow related to that brat. He shut his eyes for a brief moment as a hint of a smile was drawn over his lips which was gone unnoticed by the presents. The only one who could have noticed that tiny trace of joy was you. After the gate from the wall was opened the Scouts galloped firmly leaving at last and starting the expedition.

Pale as if he had seen ghost, Eren almost past out on Mikasa’s arms as Armin got scared of his reaction. For a second the three of them genuinely thought he was going to be killed there. As soon as he got his natural skin tone back they ran in front of the clinic and smiled at you leaned over the window and waving at them. “Mission completed!” Eren said giving you a thumbs up.

You smiled brightly and looked at them laughing and runing around the city, deep inside you were kind of jealous of them. You wished you could have had a childhood like that. A deep sigh from the bottom of your stomach made you come back to the real world, “Time to work,” you rolled up your sleeves before shutting the window. 

Unconsciously licking your top lip, you smiled as you remembered you farewell with Levi. His lips against yours, his hand firmly grabbing your waist, his legs under yours, his smell. If you tried hard you could still feel his warm arms gently embracing your body. Ah. You couldn’t wait to see him again.


	20. Chapter 20

**Six months later...**

Summer had been tough. Knowing there were expeditions every now and then made you feel extremely nervous, not only because you were not allowed to take part of them but also because there was always the annoying thought of the possibility of your friends being injured or even dead. Grisha got used to go see them with the children and they would then tell you who was still there and who was did not make it. In their absence you would clean the windows, it apparently was the best way to calm your nerves. 

Taking a deep breath, you looked at the clock. It was almost Midday, the doctor would come anytime soon. Unable to keep calm you sat on his desk and tapped the mahogany table with your fingertips, murmuring annoyingly you fixed your stare on the door. A pills cristal pot on the table could be seen by the corner of your eye, Mrs Lovewood would also come anytime soon to take them for her headaches. Smiling unconsciously you leaned on the chair and looked at the ceiling. Being a doctor assistant was actually fun. You could help people in a different way than when you were in the Survey Corps. It was way more direct and intimate. That satisfied you. In addition, you were now more efficient when it came to healing. That would be really useful for future expeditions. 

As you heard the cracking wooden door being opened you jumped from the chair almost falling onto the ground. Once your eyes spotted Grisha carrying what it looked like an arm covered by a dirty blanket stained in blood you couldn’t help but imagine the worst. “No way,” you covered your mouth with your shivering hand as you took a couple of steps closer, “No fucking way in hell,” you looked at him in absolute terror. You couldn’t believe it.

Not him.

Not the humanity’s strongest.

Not Levi.

Please.

”Keep calm Y/n,” he whispered uncovering the blanket and showing you some tree branches.

You gulped loudly as you sat on the bed and tried to control your agitated breathing, “Thank God,” you whispered passing a couple of fingers through your hair.

”Commander Erwin gave me that,” he sat on his desk and took a piece of paper hidden in between the branches. You arched a brow as he handed you the letter.

Passing your fingertips through the dirty paper you nodded slowly before reading it, _‘4PM, follow the river and get into the nearest forest. Come back home’_ you read that short sentence a couple of times as goosebumps traveled your dorsal spine. You recognised Erwin’s flawless writing. You smiled tenderly as you stood up and patted Grisha’s shoulder. “I guess I can finally go back,” your voice got lower, “thank you very much for your hospitality,” you bowed lightly.

He shook his head as he took your hand, “You’ve been a great helper,” he chuckled, “I actually have a patient inside the walls I need to visit, I can leave the city a couple of hours earlier,” he offered coming with you. When the blonde gave him the object he also asked him to accompany you in a soft whisper. Things were still not safe for you to go around in your own. What you didn’t know is that Levi was the one to insist of you not being left alone ‘ _what if there’s a Garrison allied with those pigs? She needs someone to help her crossing the interior walls’_ Erwin agreed immediately. 

You nodded energetically as you headed the hostel you were staying at. Packing your things, the few things you bought in your stay there, you left the place and had lunch at the Jaeger’s. 

“We’ll miss you,” Carla said as you helped her doing the dishes.

”I am really thankful for your help these months,” you said taking a deep breath, “I think I’ll never be able to thank you enough,” you smiled before feeling her tight hug. You exhaled sharply as you put your hand on her back. In only eight months that woman managed to become your maternal figure. Her kindness, her sweetness, her love... you would never be able to forget her.

”You’ll always be welcomed here,” she chuckled cleaning a shy tear dropping from your cheek whose existence you were not even aware of.

You hummed before looking at the children. They were looking at each other with a concerning gaze as Mikasa opened her mouth, “Eren wants to join the Survey Corps,” she said without hesitation.

”Mikasa! I asked you to keep the secret,” he shouted terrified.

Carla dropped a dish on the sink before kneeling in front of him and shaking his shoulders, “What are you thinking about?! Of all the people who crossed the walls, do you have any idea of how many of them died?!” She sounded really concerned. As she should be. Being a scout was an actual nightmare... the most probable thing was that his son would die fighting a titan, and if he was lucky enough to survive, he would never be the same innocent kid. Both cases were terrible enough to perturbe her.

”I do!” He looked for your comforting stare as he clicked his tongue. After his father asked him the reason behind his motivation, he made his heart brave, “I want to know how the world is. I couldn’t stand living all my life being an ignorant inside the walls,” he looked at you once again, “And... if no one takes over the soldiers who left... their sacrifices will be in vain,” you smiled at him. Proud of his determination.

Grisha took his leather bag, “I see...” you mirrored his movements and headed the door, “we should get going,” he whispered as you nodded firmly, “Carla, when someone has a clear goal, it’s impossible making them change their opinion,” he patted your shoulder before looking once again at his family, “Eren,” he showed him a key he wore as a pendant around his neck, “once I come back, I’ll show what I have in the basement,”. 

Leaving the house you both said goodbye to them before taking a cart. The doctor took the ropes of the horses as you sat at the backside with your luggage, “he’s a brave kid, huh?” You said looking back at them.

He hummed as he increased the speed, he somehow looked worried. It was natural taking in a count his son wanted to join the Survey Corps, in your opinion it should be called the _Suicide_ Corps. You laughed lightly at your own stupid joke before shutting your eyes and waiting patiently.

Hearing the horses gallop made you feel nervous as you realised how close you were from getting the chance to recover your former life. Training, chatting with your friends, fighting titans... everything would come back to its normal course. Somehow, that life sounded really appealing in that very moment.

Before crossing the interior walls and leaving the city, a couple of Garrisons made some questions. You thank God they were drunk enough to not recognise you. “The Survey Corps risk their lives and these bunch of idiots’ main goal is getting drunk every single day,” you complained as you rolled your eyes, “Good job Commandant Pixis,” you clicked your tongue hearing Grisha’s light laughter.

As you got closer to the nearest forest you felt your stomach tighten as your forehead got covered in cold sweat. You grabbed your hand in an attempt to control your trembling as you shut your eyes and counted down from ten. “We are here, Captain,” Grisha said as he left the cart.

Gulping loudly you jumped on the solid, stepping on a branch hearing a light crushing sound and almost tripping over. You managed to stay balanced. “As clumsy as always,” you recognised that voice immediately. Almost fearing it was a mere dream you looked at the man before your eyes. Standing next to a horse with his arms crossed and still wearing an emerald cape, probably yours, he exhaled sharply. “Thank you, doc,” he nodded firmly looking at the Jaeger.

”It’s been an absolute pleasure,” he said giving you your baggage, “Take care, Y/n,” he gave you one last smile before going back to the wagon and continue his trip.

You took a couple of steps closer to the ravenette as an involuntary smile was drawn over your face, “Levi...” you whispered gently caressing his cheek with your thumb spotting a slight cut he had probably gotten during that morning expedition. Unable to tear your eyes from his silver stare you took a deep breath as you convinced yourself that picture was indeed very real. He even looked more handsome than what you remembered. Feeling your face get hotter you pressed your foreheads together feeling his hand firmly ruffling your hair, “I can’t believe this is real... I missed you so much...” you whispered.

“Nice braid,” he gently caressed it as you remembered Carla’s loving hands carefully styling your hair. He clicked his tongue and frowned, “This is not over yet,” he abruptly broke the contact before sitting on the horse offering his hand to you, “I bet you want to tell me a lot of things,” he helped you sit on the horse, “But that can wait,”.

You sat behind him and put your hands around his waist as you pressed your head against his back inhaling that aroma you had missed so fucking much. Shutting your eyes you listened carefully to the galloping waiting patiently for him to speak.

”People from around the empire are staring to hear rumours about the tension in the military,” he timidly grabbed your hands positioned over his stomach, “It’s time for the Garrisons to take their side. Therefore, a trial will be taken place in Trost as soon as we arrive,” he caressed your hand in circular motions, “I am sorry everything’s so rushed,” he said in between his teeth.

Shaking your head you laced your fingers together, “Don’t worry about it,” you whispered. To be honest, you felt nervous. In only a few hours, you had left the city you called home for months and met Levi willing to go back to the headquarters. And now you had to face a trial. You didn’t know what was waiting for you but a thing was sure, it was going to be really unpleasant. Your life was about to take a U-turn once again. After being judged, if the Garrisons took your side, you would finally be free to go back to the SC. However, if they took the MP side... you would have to say Goodbye to your life. Did that include Levi? You didn’t want to think about it. 

What you also had no clue of, was that Zackley had actually asked to have you in Trost the day before. Probably enclosing you in a dungeon for the night before the trial. However, after facing Levi and Hange’s anger, he changed his idea. Those two could be really scary and protective when it was about you. Making your heart brave you tightened the hug, “I am back,” you said in a whisper trying to enjoy your mutual company before facing the trial.


	21. Chapter 21

Zackley’s snores in between his breathing. Dim light. High ceiling. Cold breeze. Ink aroma. Constant chatting and whispers. Cracking wooden floor. Attentive stares. Being on a trial was definitely not a pleasant experience. Sitting on a chair left alone in the centre of the room you felt like the hot spot. Some hungry stares looking at you like a beast ready to capture its target at any time. Gulping loudly you looked at your left side where the Survey Corps were.

Erwin, with his arms gently positioned on his back, looked firmly in front of him, at the MPs. Levi, just next to him, had his arms crossed and his stare was slightly looking at the chief commander who was still getting ready for the trial. Hange smiled at you trying to transmit some calm and comfort. Mike scratched the back of his ear as he studied carefully every single corner of the room. You then looked at your right side. The Military Police looked firm and determinant, not willing to lose.

Your quick gaze spotted Commandant Dot Pixis and some notable Garrisons members next to the SC. Attentively looking how his Adam’s apple moved graciously as he drank some _suspicious_ beverage from his metallic flask, you bet he was the kind to be really loud when eating. You hated never knowing what he was thinking about, what really was in his mind. His dull expressions never showed his real emotions, that would be a pain in the ass during the next hours.

Turning your head, you looked at your back. Hannah, who was sat on a bench, nodded firmly. You nodded back. Not too far from her you saw Moblit and Herbert, the latter wearing the Wings of Freedom emblem, it seemed like he had gone back to the SC. You unconsciously smirked before travelling your stare around the public jury. Traders and nobility members. In between them your mother. Your eyes finally met, neither of you willing to tear them apart. Next to her, a young blond man was also looking at you. He probably was the bastard you were supposed to marry. 

Zackley suddenly cleared his throat as he firmly hit the table with his hand. A deathly silence reigned the place as the old man looked through a couple of papers and documents. The trial had already began. You gulped loudly unable to look away from his face. He was such an inexpressive and cold man it made you feel nervous. His capacity of maintaining composure when he was about to judge someone, even condemning them to death without blinking, made you sick. 

Counting down from ten a couple of times, controlling your breathing you carefully listened to the chief commander explain the whole situation. He obviously omitted the fact he was fucking bribed by a mere civilian. He explained how you were wanted by the government forces and escaped authority helped by the Survey Corps initiating an insurrection against the military power. Biting your tongue trying to control your short temperament you looked at Levi who widened slightly his eyes asking silently to keep calm.

You exhaled sharply as you waited for Zackley’s conclusion, “So, as an horizontal structured constitution we need at least two parties to agree with the sentence,” he looked at Erwin, “After months of tension between the brigades, the Survey Corps want to accept former captain y/n y/ln back in the Scouts,” he then looked at commander Nile, “In contrast, the Military Police is not willing to accept a person accused from sedition and rebellion,” he finally looked at Pixis, “Have the Garrisons something to say?” He tapped the table with his index.

Pixis hummed as he looked at you, “Nothing to add,” he said gaining some chatting from all of the presents.

”Silence,” Zackley asked. Knowing Pixis, who might be the most bizarre person on the Corps, he was probably waiting for each part to defend their point of view. Or maybe he was just waiting for you to talk. Or maybe he was just enjoying himself as the sadistic eccentric man he was. You hummed under your breath as your eyes traveled all around the room trying to come up with something. “Commander Erwin Smith,” you looked at the blonde who had his hand raised.

”Putting aside what happened these last months, we can all agree y/n y/ln has been a great help for the Survey Corps, losing her might be devastating for humanity,” he said. You knew he wanted to tell a lot more but, in his current position, he had his hands tied.

Commander Nile took a deep breath, “Who can assure us she’s not going to start an uprising against the military and the same king? Who can assure us the Survey Corps are not actually planing a coup d’état? Are we willing to let that happen? Are we really risking our governmental structure by accepting someone like her? She might be useful against the titans but she threatens the humanity inside the walls,” Everyone started chatting and whispering causing Zackley to hit his table repeatedly.

You started shivering as your mind travelled a thousand miles per hour, “Bullshit,” you swore you heard Levi murmur in between his teeth. Your mouth got dry as you bit your bottom lip trying to think something that could help you in that situation. Anything that could be useful. Anything. Think, think, think. Hange smiled as Levi pinched the bridge of his nose, judging their reaction you were in _that_ mood right now. Your stare met Pixis who drank once more in silence and nodded timidly. He was indeed waiting for you to finally speak.

”I’d like to say something,” your voice echoed around the room as you earned everyone’s curious fixed stares. Zackley let you proceed as you cleared your throat and took a deep breath. _‘Don’t fuck it up,’_ you told yourself before opening your mouth. “It’s not unknown I’ve been into exile for the last months,” your voice sounded deeper than usual, “Civilians started to notice something’s fishy with the authority not to talk about the rumours spread all around the cities and even some members of the Garrisons openly questioning their superiors,” you gulped loudly.

Again, the room was immersed in chaos, full of chatting and whispers. “Silence!” Zackley’s loud voice pierced your ear, “You may proceed,” he said once the room went silent.

”If people around the kingdom can’t trust the military, a civilian rebellion could occur at any time now. It would not be a surprise,” you paused for a second, “and then I myself put a question,” you clenched your fists as you calmed your nervousness. Oh God. You were about to risk it all. “How will the citizens react once they find out how easily the military forces can be bought?” You raised your voice, “Will they stay calmed and do nothing about big fishes and justice being bribed by a simple noble?” You fixed your stare in Zackley’s dark orbits, “Maybe there’s no need for the SC to start a revolution,” you looked at the MPs, “or a coup d’état,” you smirked, “the people of this country can perfectly do it by themselves,”.

A deadly silence tensed the atmosphere as you saw Dot Pixis smile, “The king would easily dissolve the Military if it dirties his public image,” he added, “It is a high price to pay for a simple bag full of golden coins, don’t you think?” he exhaled sharply. He was actually enjoying the whole situation. “The Garrisons take the Survey Corps’ side,” he finally said causing once again disturbance around the room.

You smiled tenderly looking at him, “In that case, I would like to formally solicit her explicit protection,” Erwin looked at you, “It would not be a surprise if someone came after her,” he slightly looked at Levi who nodded firmly, “Mercenaries from the Undergrounds can be easily hired, it would not be the first time a noble pays someone from there to infiltrate the SC,” he exhaled sharply as he remembered the first time he met Levi, Isabel and Farlan.

Zackley took a deep breath, “I’m afraid that’s far from my jurisdiction,” he looked at you, “I can do nothing about how nobles spend their money,” he looked at your mother who kept complete silent.

"Then...” you raised your voice, “I want to apply for a renouncement of my family name," you said firmly.

The old man adjusted his glasses. Renouncing a family name was an unusual practice. People could only do that with high-class surnames, like yours, when they felt their life was in danger. People would avoid doing that at any cost thus that also meant renouncing to privileges. "You won't be able to inherit your father's grounds in Trost," he clarified, "Are you fully aware of what you are asking for?". 

"Yes I am, sir," you looked slightly at your mother whose jaw was wide opened.

"Objection," she finally opened her mouth, "I can't allow such repugnant assumptions about my persona," she clicked her tongue, "I would never let my own daughter's life be in danger, contracting a mercenary is far from ridiculous," he chuckled lightly, “renouncing her name is unnecessary, it would give us a bad reputation,”

Zackley had a look at his documents, "If she died, you would automatically inherit the family areas you husband left; which are currently property of the government since your daughter renounced to her nobility title years ago and hasn’t inherited them yet," he cleared his throat, "her death would actually be beneficial for you," he took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was getting tired.

"Kenny," you widened your eyes as Levi's voice pierced your mind, "Three months ago you tried to hire someone from the Undergrounds. A living legend, someone known as Kenny the ripper," his cold stare was fixed on her, "He refused though," he looked at you for a brief second, "It was a trivial matter to him, he didn't give a fuck about you," he earned a tiny elbow hit from Erwin who complained about his language.

Pixis scratched his chin and looked at the chief, "Kenny the Ripper is a dangerous man, willing to contract him sounds life-threatening to me," you felt a compressing pressure over your chest as you fixed your stare on the ground.

Of course things were complicated between you and your mother, but her wanting to kill you? You would have never imagined she would have gone that far.

Selfish woman.

"Is that true?" Zackley looked at her, “remember you are under oath,” he clarified after almost a couple of minutes in silence.

All stares fixed on that woman, she waited some more minutes before answering with a bitter "Yes," in between her teeth. Her to confirming it aloud made you frown as you pressed your lips. You felt hurt. So hurt. Once again, that woman was the cause of your sickness.

"Taking this into a count, I accept your petition of a family name renouncement," he said bathing his quill pen in ink and writing an inform, "From now on your name is just y/n," he said blandly as you gulped loudly. "Having the Garrisons taken a clear party, you are free to join back the Survey Corps, being your former accusations completely dismissed" you still couldn't tear your eyes from the dusty old wooden floor, "I declare the court adjourned," he took his papers and stood up leaving the place in complete silence. 

Carefully listening to a hundred million steps as everyone left the court, you turned around and observed your mother walk away. She didn’t even look at you one last time. Standing up slowly you exited the room, took a deep breath and rested your back on the corridor wall shutting your eyes trying to control your overwhelming feelings you clenched your fists and bit your lip. “Y/n!!”

Hange’s voice made you smile.

Opening your eyes and facing them you both melt in a warm loving hug. “You can’t imagine how much I missed you,” you whispered as you stepped aside and looked at your comrades. “Even your fucking annoying eating habits,” you smiled at Mike who chuckled lightly.

Erwin took a few steps closer, “here,” he gave you a brand new brown SC jacket. You smiled tenderly passing your fingertips over the emblem. “I’m sure it’s been tough for you,” he patted your shoulder.

You shook your head, “I had the chance to meet lovely people,” you smiled, “Today I feel quite tired but how does it sound tomorrow evening going for a pimp?” Sighing you remembered your favourite bar where you used to hang out when you were still cadets. When was the last time you stepped into a tavern? You couldn’t tell.

”I’ll tell Moblit,” Hange put her arm around your shoulder. You looked at Levi and smiled sweetly.   
  
Screw your mother. The Survey Corps were your real family.

A timid yawn made you shiver as you scratched your eye, “I guess my dormitories are not mine anymore,” you looked at the commander.

”Those bastards,” Hange murmured. They and Levi would usually go there everyday and clean it but, the Military Police, claimed it as a potential place full of evidences.

Bullshit. 

Erwin cleared his throat as he slightly looked at Mike and Hange who nodded firmly, “You are dismissed from being a captain,” he told you almost scared of your reaction, “it’s something temporal, we’ll wait a couple of expeditions before raising you once again,” he said rapidly. You were so proud of being a squad captain he felt like he was somehow betraying you by letting your efforts be in vain. “for now you’ll be in Levi’s squad,”.

The shorty fixed his stare on your eyes, “How the tables have turned, huh?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, “I am not going to go easy on you, after several months you’ll need hard training and discipline,” he said, monotonous voice.

Was there a hint of a smile over his face? 

You hummed, “I’m looking forward working with you, Captain” you smiled once more.   
  



	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I am really sorry for not updating lately 🥺 I got my finals exams and was really busy...

“Is it really okay for me to sleep here?” You said as you left your bag on the floor, next to the coffee table. Levi hummed as he opened the door connecting his office and his bedroom. You followed him and sat on the flawlessly made cozy bed, “I can sleep on the sofa,” you murmured trying to cover your obvious blush.

The Ackerman sighed loudly as he opened his wardrobe, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll sleep on my desk,”.

”Wait— what?” You widened your eyes, “Tell me you don’t do that every night,” you remembered that one time you saw him sleeping peacefully on his chair. He looked way too calmed and comfortable. Ah. That idiot didn’t actually use his bed.

”What about it?” He approached you as he pointed the cabinet, “I made some space for your stuff, but remember this is only temporary,” he looked at you up and down, “Don’t get too comfortable,”.

Clicking your tongue you stood up and leaned over him getting lost in those silver eyes you had craved for the last months. “I can sleep in any other place,” you mumbled. You were dying to stay there next to him, but you also knew how his personality was. He abhorred the idea of people getting really into his personal space. You felt uneasy about the idea of making him feel invaded. 

“Don’t be stupid,” he rolled his eyes, “You are not a captain anymore,” he gently put some of your silky hair behind your ear, “You’d have to sleep with the squads members,” he said blandly. You gulped loudly. You had been on your own for ages, it would be a nightmare for you to share a room with other people and sleeping in bunk beds. The last time you used one of those, you were with Hange... they used to snore so fucking loud you would usually kick them.

Nodding slowly you caressed his hand and gently leaned over him kissing softly his pinkish lips, “I’ll go take a shower,” you ghosted his lips before heading the bathroom. Taking a long relaxing bath after such a long day you felt your muscles giving up in front of the hot water. Shutting your eyes you thought about how your life had finally come back to normal. And even better. You didn’t have to worry about your family issues anymore. 

With a silly smile over your face and a slight flush caused by the hot water, you put a towel around your body and entered the bedroom. Looking at your clothes graciously fold on the bed, you chuckled lightly. Putting on your sleeping clothes, you headed the office where Levi was sitting on his desk reading some papers. “So,” he looked at you up and down a couple of times, “You now wear bottoms when you go to bed,” he rested his head over his hand, elbow on the table.

You hummed as you approached him and looked at his paperwork. “Is the report of yesterday’s expedition?” You took the papers.

”Yes,” he grabbed them from your hands, “That’s confidential,” he clicked his tongue, “Don’t go around taking your captain’s work, Jesus,” he put the papers on his desk drawer where your curious gaze spotted a beautiful red gem. That was your old necklace.

You chuckled lightly, “I guess we can really sell it now,” you sighed, “it is useless,” you felt his firm thumb tenderly caressing your cheek in circular motions.

He stood up and pressed your foreheads together, “We are not going to do that” he said in a whisper, “And go to sleep. Now,” he playfully hit your head with his.

You pouted cutely, “You really think you can boss me around, huh?” You murmured as you grabbed his hand. He looked at the grip slightly widening his eyes. “Let’s go,” you pulled him to the bedroom.

”Oi,” he complained without leaving your hand, “Stupid brat,” he looked at you sitting on the bed before sighing loudly.

You looked at the pillow and frowned, “I missed you,” you whispered as you fixed your stare in his feet, “I missed you so much,” you leaned towards him resting your head on his stomach, “I need you...” your voice cracked as you took a deep breath, “spend the night with me, please” you said almost scared of looking at him, “just for tonight,” it was such a weak whisper you really thought he didn’t hear you. But he did.

Gently caressing your hair he pushed you against his body and put both his hands on your cheeks, “I am here,” his voice sounded determinate and gave you comfort. 

You nodded as you took a deep breath and exhaled his aroma. After some minutes -to be honest, you had lost any track of time so you didn’t really know how many minutes had passed- you chuckled lightly and finally faced him. “If you slept in a decent bed you wouldn’t be humpbacked,” you teased.

”Huh?” He pinched your cheek.

”Joking,” you complained as he let you go and sighed. Making some room on the bed you gently touched his arm in a silent plea for him to lean next to you. Feeling his warmth and presence managed to calm your anxiety. “How’s your insomnia?” You slowly leaned over his chest as he put his hands on his nape.

”Same as usual,” he said looking at you before timidly caressing your hair, lacing his fingers in between your silky locks, “What about you?”

You exhaled sharply, “Better,” you smiled, “Doc Jaeger taught me some breathing exercises that helped me relax,” facing him you took a deep breath, “You have to inhale for 4 seconds, keep the air for 6 and exhale for 5,” you asked him to mirror your gestures. 

He rolled his eyes, “bullshit,” he murmured. 

“Just try it,” you shook his arm. Clicking his tongue he did what you asked for. Taking a couple of deep breaths, eyes fixed in each other’s as you both calmed your nerves.

A hint of a smirk was drawn over his face as he ruffled your hair, “not bad,” he said pushing your head against his chest. “You should sleep now, y/n,” he pinched your cheek once more, “It’s been a shitty long day,” you yawned before nodding slowly. Feeling your body relax your eyes shut graciously as you finally fell asleep in between his arms.

For the first time in ages, you managed to sleep an entire night without nightmares.

***

Stretching your arm you unsuccessfully tried to reach Levi, as you felt your hand hitting violently the pillow you opened your eyes only to notice you were alone in his bed. You sat on the mattress as you blinked a couple of times and looked at the Sun light entering through the window. After a couple of minutes, you finally got up and entered the office where the onyx-haired was doing his paperwork.

You rested at the door frame and scratched your messy hair, ”Good morning handsome,” you caught his attention before yawning loudly. His body got tense in front of your sudden words, he looked at you after hesitating a second.

”Did you sleep well?” He asked putting his work aside. You nodded before taking a couple of steps closer to him. Willing to kiss his inviting lips you leaned over him. Feeling his hand aggressively pushing your head made you frown. “Brush your fucking teeth first,” he murmured as he pushed you harder.

You complained as you cursed him under your breath. As fast as you could you washed your face and brushed your teeth. Looking at yourself at the mirror, you pulled your hair in a pony tail and, still wearing your sleep clothes, you walked back to the office where you were planing to get the kiss you desperately craved for. Smiling timidly you approached him once again and looked attentively at his eyes focused on his work. He looked so fucking stunning. “Good morning,” you said in a whisper kissing slowly his cheek.

A hint of a smile was drawn over his face. 

He finally looked away from his desk and traveled his silver gaze on you. Your sparkly eyes, your glossy lips, your smooth skin... every single one of your beautiful features managed to mesmerise him. Gently caressing your chin he was about to shorten the distance between you when a sudden knock on the door made you jump. “Who could it be this early?” You murmured rolling your eyes.

”Come in,” the Lance Corporal cleared his throat as he crossed his legs.

“Good morning, captain,” Petra opened the door and saluted firmly. She looked pretty nervous, “Oh- uh- I’m sorry to interrupt,” she blushed as she noticed your presence, “Welcome back captain y/n,” she smiled sweetly.

You smiled back, “I think I’ll never be able to thank you enough for what you did back then,” you gently pressed her shoulder, “and don’t call me captain, we are now squad comrades,” you giggled.

”What’s wrong Petra?” The Ackerman interrupted.

The ginger gulped loudly as her eyes tried to find a place to stay, breathing nervously she made her heart brave and finally spoke, “Erwin has sent me with an important message,” she took a deep breath, “Yesterday, when you were in Trost, something terrible happened,” her voice broke, “Wall Maria has fallen, witnesses say a titan taller than the wall appeared and destroyed it with a mere single kick,” she paused for a brief moment, “The Shiganshina district has suffered the worst,” she looked at you.

Feeling your mouth getting dry, you caressed your face as you felt your heart beat faster. “Impossible,” you mumbled as an annoying ring perturbed your hearing, “A titan taller than the wall? That’s impossible,” your breathing speed got faster. The mere thought of it made you sick. That had to be a lie, that was not possible at all. Not even twenty-four hours ago you were there and everything seemed so peaceful... it was impossible for the city to have fallen so easily. 

”Where is Erwin?” Levi asked grabbing your attention.

”He is about to leave the headquarters and reunite with the chief commander,” as soon as you heard that, you left the room and ran as fast as you could towards the main entrance. Pushing people across the corridor, feeling your bare feet getting sore a cause of the rough floor, your body shivering because of the cold and after almost tripping a couple of times you finally reached your superior. About to enter a horse cart you grabbed his arm and waited a couple of minutes as you tried to control your agitated breathing.

He stared in silence waiting for you to say something, “Is it true?” You managed to ask once you had recovered a normal heart beating speed.

Taking a deep breath he asked the rider to wait, “It is,” he said firmly.

Looking at his ocean gems you tried to look for any kind of hesitation in them. Nothing. He was as serious and firm as always “How...?” Your voice sounded weak.

He looked around him, “I don’t know the details, I’ll be back in six hours and I’ll tell you everything,” he pressed your shoulder trying to give you some confidence.

”Where...” you gulped loudly, “Where are the Shiganshina refugees?” Bitting your lip you tried to control your shivering. You were on the verge of tears. 

”Trost,” he said before finally entering the cart.

Looking at his departure you entered once again the building. Feeling a tight knot collapsing your throat you couldn’t help but imagine the worst. Were Eren, Mikasa and Armin okay? What about doctor Jaeger? And Carla? Feeling as nervous as ever you headed Levi’s room.

Resting on his desk with his arms crossed and wearing his uniform he looked attentively at your movements when you entered the room. “Get dressed already,” he said.

You frowned, “I-“ you stepped closer to him, shutting your eyes and resting your forehead on his shoulder, you felt his firm hand caressing your nape. Unable to say a word, you exhaled sharply a couple of times.

”Get dressed already,” he parroted trying to sound calmer and sweeter. “Erwin told you where are they, right?” You nodded slowly, “Don’t you want to go and look for those brats?” You nodded once again breaking the contact and staring at his dark orbits. 

You felt so lucky to have him.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS! 🥺 I get really happy when I read them! I don’t reply to them cause I am not good at it... I am sorry. 
> 
> But I appreciate them all! ❤️

Trost main square was full of people. Members of the Stationary Corps running up and down, long queues formed by refugees waiting for food. A lot of cries and yells. Injured citizens with long faces caused by trauma. The whole city was immersed in an absolute chaos. Gulping loudly, you took firmly Levi's hand. He pressed back as he tried to calm your nerves. 

"Why are the Survey Corps, here?" a man wearing a Garrisons uniform approached you. Recognising him immediately from your training days, you smiled.

Without letting Levi's hand, you approached the man. "It's been years, Albert," he smiled back.

The Ackerman frowned slightly. Was it _that_ Albert? When you were into exile, Hange and him had the opportunity to spend a lot of time together. They got to knew each other better so, one day during breakfast, the brunette told him about your early days in the corps. They told him about Albert and the little crush you had on him. "What are you doing here?" he looked at your laced hands. 

"I'm actually looking for someone," you said as your eyes traveled rapidly all around the square, "From Shiganshina," you then looked into his eyes.

As he spotted worry and anxiety in your gaze, he pointed the other side of the city main square, “The Shiganshina refugees are there,” he said. As you took a couple of steps he grabbed your arm. He looked at Levi for a brief moment before opening his mouth, “be fast,” he whispered, “things are pretty chaotic right now,” he frowned.

Nodding firmly you hummed before walking firmly through the huge people agglomeration. “So, that was Albert?” The onyx-haired murmured.

Pressing his hand, you smirked, “Are you jealous?” You chuckled lightly.

He clicked his tongue in response. He actually was not a jealous type of person. He had no reason to have those kind of feelings towards a man he just met. However, he felt curious about the guy who managed to make you develop a crush. Your first one. He was the only man you had seen with special eyes besides Levi. As your sight spotted the children you were looking for you gulped loudly.

Letting his hand go you ran towards their location and kneeled in front of them, feeling your knees aggressively hitting the cold solid you looked at their long faces. Hugging the three kids as tight as you could you felt their weak bodies gently embracing you. “Eren, Armin, Mikasa,” you said as you looked at their facial expressions. Trying to see any kind of emotion in their eyes, you gently cleaned some mug from Eren’s cheek. “Where are your parents?” You said as you stood up and looked around them.

Hearing Eren’s growl as he clenched his fists you paid attention to him once again. “Mom...” he whispered, “she...” his teal eyes got fixed in your stare. “A titan...” he looked fierce, “A titan ate her,” his voice broke.

Running your fingers through your hair you felt your tongue get heavier as your breathing got uneven. “In front of you?” You managed to ask. He nodded, Mikasa nodded. You shut your eyes. For sure, that was a big trauma they would have to live with. “Any news about your father?” You gulped loudly.

The girl shook her head, “He has not contacted us yet,” she said in a weak whisper.

You stayed in silence for a couple of minutes as you tried to process everything. Carla Jaeger, the woman who welcomed you into her home with her arms wide open. That sweet lady that taught you how to cook, who braided your hair, who let you some clothes, who treated you like a member of her own family... that woman was gone. Forever. “I am sure Doctor Jaeger will come any time soon,” you tried to calm them down as you attempted to look strong.

”You must be captain y/n,” you heard a deep voice behind you. Turning around abruptly you saw an old man wearing a hat. He gave you a firm handshake, “I am Armin’s grandfather,” he introduced himself.

”Nice to meet you,” you said firmly. He looked gentle and kind, his smile made you somehow feel in peace.

He looked at the children before pressing his lips, “I’ll take good care of them,” he said before coughing slightly.

You frowned as you carefully patted his back, “I am counting on you,” you nodded.

Feeling a tight grip on your shoulder, you turned around and looked at Levi. His silver stare travelled through the kid’s faces before meeting your watery eyes, “We should get going,” he said.

You exhaled sharply as you shut your eyes for a long second. “I am sorry for the short visit,” you kneeled once more. “Hey,” you grabbed their attention, “be strong,” you showed them the palm of your hand. Without hesitation, Armin was the first one to put his hand over yours. Short after, Eren joined him as he looked at Mikasa and encouraged her to do so. Once you felt their dim warmth you smiled, “Everything’s gonna be alright,” you stood up and faced Levi.

Looking at them one last time, you followed the ravenette in complete silence. The last time you saw those children, they had a bright vivid smile but, now... their eyes lacked sparkle, their eyebrows were fixed in a frowned position as their lips could only draw a sad expression. In complete silence you waved at Albert and left the main square.

Levi rode the horse before offering you his hand. Taking it firmly you sat behind him, putting your arms around his waist you shut your eyes as he galloped firmly back to the headquarters. Hearing the horse’s steps as the chill wind made you shiver you tightened the hug and rested your head on his back.

Taking a deep breath you finally spoke, “Her dead could have been easily avoided,” you murmured. “She was eaten by a titan,” you tried to avoid a tear. “If I had been there I could’ve easily saved her,” your weak voice got blurred in a loud cry.   
  
Feeling your tears slightly penetrating the thin shirt fabric, Levi took your hand. “Probably,” he said firmly, “You are a good fighter, you could’ve saved her,” he said making you sob louder, “But you were not there, you can’t blame yourself. Don’t be stupid,” he caressed your hand in circular motions, “It happens the same with expeditions, there are a lot of deaths that could’ve been easily avoided,” he clicked his tongue as an image of Farlan and Isabel popped into his mind. Those deaths could have been easily avoided too. He had had that thought since that bloody expedition. “You simply were not in the right place,” his voice sounded deeper than usual.

Staying in silence for a couple of minutes you calmed your nerves and finally stopped crying, “You suck at comforting people,” you murmured in between your teeth.

He hummed before taking a deep breath and increasing the speed, "I know," he clicked his tongue.

Shutting your eyes you tightened the hug as you thought about your days back in Shiganshina. Working for the doctor, playing and chatting with the children, spending the day with Carla... You couldn’t believe that was over. Everything got destroyed in a second. Humanity was doomed by the titans. But... the sudden entry of a titan taller than wall Maria? That was impossible. Or so you wanted to think.

Feeling dizzy you felt the rest of the day passing confusingly smoothly. As soon as you reached the headquarters you listened to Erwin’s speech. Well, you tried to listen. Your mind was too blurred for you to follow his words. He said something about titans and walls for sure but you didn’t remember the details. Once he finished, you went directly to Levi’s room where you laid down on his bed and hid your face under the clean sheets. Crying in silence you stuck your head on the wall. Feeling a slight perturbation on the mattress you realised the Ackerman had sat on it. In complete silence he put his hand under the sheets and gently stroke your hair patiently waiting for you to stop trembling. Feeling his mere company you turned around and hugged his waist. 

“Those brats are really strong,” he finally said in a whisper without pausing his stroking. “They are going to be okay,” he murmured travelling his hand to your neck and caressing it sweetly.

You nodded as you inhaled sharply. His aroma, once more, managed to calm your nerves. “Thank you,” you whispered after staying some minutes without saying a single word. 

He hummed in response, “Try to sleep,” he got himself comfortable on bed as he put his arm around your shoulder, “I’ll be right here,” his voice sounded bland but his stare was caring and loving.

Hugging him as tight as you could, you stuck your head on his chest as he continued lacing his fingers with your hair. It was the same exact position as the night before however, things were really different now.

Expeditions would be more dangerous and often. You would probably have to help with the reconquer of wall Maria as well as you’ll have to gain back some cultive territories. From now on things were going to be harder for the Survey Corps.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING kinda slight NSFW

**Several months later...**

Year 846. Almost ten months had passed since the fall of wall Maria. Expeditions had become a weekly practice since the empire used them as an attempt to gain some territories back from the titans. Every single one of them had gone horribly bad. Somehow that kind of life had become your new routine. You hated that. Expeditions used to be a chance to get that will of freedom all the Scouts shared. You missed that. 

“Same as usual?” You said leaving a china tea set on the desk trying to look at Levi’s eyes.

He hummed as he sighed loudly, “Yeah,” he said as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He took the tea you just gave him and nodded as a silent thanks.

After so many months of living in the same room, you were officially the Army’s favourite couple. Levi’s admirers wanted really bad to be you as others questioned how humanity’s strongest managed to get a girlfriend as strong, beautiful and smart as you. Knowing exactly how the other thought without exchanging any kind of words and being able to comprehend each other’s feelings, you both really were the perfect couple. Your personalities blended perfectly in harmony as you both managed to be the best version of yourselves.

Puting his paperwork aside he took a quick sip to his black tea as his gaze pierced your sparkling eyes. Leaning towards you he graciously tucked a loose lock of hair behind your ear. “It got longer,” he said in between his teeth. 

You smiled. People would believe he was a cold and distant man yet, when you two were alone, he could be really loving. A face of him you were the only one who could see. 

A firm knock on the door made you shiver and turn around. Once Levi told them to enter, the door was opened firmly. Erwin Smith looked at you before fixing his ocean stare in the Ackerman. “Levi,” his voice echoed around the whole room. “There’s an expedition in two days...” he looked at you for a brief second, “I need to tell you about the details,” he inhaled sharply, “now,”.

The ravenette clicked his tongue as he stood up, “So fucking impatient,” he murmured.

You rolled your eyes as you looked at him approaching firmly the door, “Y/n,” the blonde called you, “After this expedition you’ll be raised to captain once again,” he smiled.

”Fucking finally,” you grinned back. Once he shut the door you sat on Levi’s chair and looked through his paperwork. Reading them carefully you couldn’t help but feel a tight knot on your throat. So many expeditions... so many lives lost... all of them for nothing. Humanity’s territory had been reduced a full wall inside. Not to talk about the lack of food and resources. The whole situation was depressing. 

After a solid amount of forty minutes, Levi finally came back. His eyes looked darker as his stare felt cooler than usual. His movements denouted exhaustion as if he just had had a really long talk. Something was definitely wrong. “Snooping around my paperwork again, huh?” He asked as he took a couple of steps closer.

You hummed as you stood up. He sat on his chair and, without hesitation, he grabbed you by your waist and made you sit on his lap. “Levi?” You asked as you felt his grip getting tighter, “What’s wrong?” Your bottom lip trembled in front of such an unusual behaviour. 

He rested his face on your back as he exhaled sharply, “Nothing,” he murmured. Liar. “I am just... tired...” his breath tickled. Liar. “Erwin’s speeches keep getting longer every day,” Liar.

You scratched your head. Something was definitely wrong. “Levi,” you took his hand, “What’s going on?” You asked softly almost in fear.

He growled, “Nothing,” Liar. You hummed. If he wasn’t telling you it was probably a confidential thing only superiors were meant to know.

You clicked your tongue in annoyance, “Uh,” you complained, “I can’t wait to be a squad captain again,” you heard his light -almost unnoticeable- chuckle. 

As you felt his fingertips gently drawing circles on your stomach you shut your eyes. A cause of expeditions, trainings, infinite paperwork mountains, reunions and quick trips to Trost you and Levi hadn’t enjoyed much time together. It was frustrating how, every single time you got into a special kind of mood, somehow you were interrupted. Erwin’s abrupt visits, sudden explorations, Hange just being Hange, an unhealed injury... months had passed and you didn’t even realise it was almost a year since you two got together.

Taking a deep breath you gently took his hands and pushed them away. You stood up and turned around so you could face him, sitting on his lap once again you ran your fingers through his hair. "What's in your mind?" you asked as you spotted a dim trace of worry in his eyes. 

Without tearing his stare from yours he played with a tuft of your hair, "A lot of things," he sighed. He pressed his lips, "But I have blind trust in Erwin," he said. You didn't dare to ask any further information. He slowly took your hand and kissed it gently. Smiling sweetly you pressed your foreheads together. Carefully sketching his lips with your thumb you leaned towards him. As you felt your breathing melt together you shortened the distance between you and finally kissed him. Letting his hands firmly grab your waist you wandered your tongue inside his mouth carefully tasting every single corner. Roughly pushing his tongue with yours you immersed yourself in a hectic fight for the dominance. 

"I missed you," you whispered ghosting his lips.

He frowned, "What do you mean?" he put his hand around your neck and pushed you slightly, kissing you once again, "We literally live in the same room," he rolled his eyes.

You sighed loudly, "We haven't spent a lot of time together," you mumbled cutely.

"Wimpy brat," he said pinching your nose. He smirked as he heard your pout. Kissing you once again he playfully travelled his fingertips under your shirt. Feeling his coldness contrasting your warm body you couldn’t help but smile.

Assuming that gesture as an invitation, the raven-haired tickled you lightly as his hands pushed your shirt and his fingertips ghosted your ribs. Gently caressing your biggest scar you frowned. You were still not used to him seeing and feeling your flaws. Well, stuff only you considered as flaws. The first time Levi saw your scar -the one that went from your hip and crossed your stomach and your arm- he just smirked and murmured a _“it’s not that bad, you idiot,”_ under his breath. In that moment he didn’t say what he actually thought. In his eyes, that nasty scar, was a beautiful reminder of how strong you were... He loved every single one of those things you so wrongly called flaws. 

Feeling his growing under your hips you couldn’t help but bit your lip playfully. A smirk. Levi smirked again. “You should smile more often,” you said as you caressed his cheek. He frowned. 

Drowning his tongue in your mouth, he firmly grabbed your thighs and stood up. Without leaving your lips alone, he opened the door to the bedroom with a firm kick and left you gently on the bed. Getting rid of his shirt, he positioned himself over your body as he pushed you against the mattress. Kissing you roughly he untied your shirt as you drew his strong back muscles with your fingertips. “Beautiful,” he whispered caressing your scar once more.

Smiling cheekily, you ran your fingers through his dark locks while he delineated your entire scar leaving a wet trace of sweet kisses. Feeling his knees in between your thighs you couldn’t help but play with his belt as you untied it. A sudden gasp escaped from the bottom of your throat as you felt his teeth leave a subtle pinkish mark on your neck. Dropping his pants on the floor, only God knew the exact location, you hesitated for a second before carefully touching his manhood. 

You managed to make him grin once more. After so many kisses you felt your lips swollen yet you couldn’t bring yourself to stop. Studying his agitated breathing and light trembling as you stroke him you licked your lips in enjoyment, “Fucking sadistic,” he said in between his teeth as he took off your pants and firmly opened your legs. You unsuccessfully tried to close them in embarrassment stealing a really weak chuckle from the man in front of you.

Clicking your tongue you exhaled sharply in a failed attempt to control your agitated heart beat, “I hate you,” you pouted.

”You don’t,” he whispered into your ear teasing your entrance with a couple of fingers. Slowly licking your neck and feeling his digits in you, you couldn’t repress a pleasant moan which sounded like music in his ears. “I...” he inhaled deeply, “May I...?” He managed to ask in between his uncontrolled sharp breathing.

You nodded in contentment as he prepared himself. He kissed your sweaty forehead, “I love you,” he said in a weak whisper tasting your salty flavour. Slowly entering your throbbing you hug him as tight as you could looking for some balance. 

You finally had connected in an intimate way.

Caring for your comfort he waited some seconds as you tried to calm yourself, “I love you,” you whispered before biting his earlobe. He grinned as he thrust you firmly stealing a loud moan from your slightly open mouth. Feeling your nails engraving a reminder of your love on his back skin he increased his speed.

The wooden bed cracking, unavoidable growls and moans echoed around the chamber as you felt your body shiver in ecstasy. Arching your back you felt an electric sensation invade your whole body as your mind got blurry, “Levi-“ you managed to say before bitting your lip.

He hummed as he increased his speed once more. Judging his agitated movements and deep growls he was definitely about to cum. Grabbing the bed header as he tried to balance himself he thrust you as hard as he could achieving at last his awaited pleasure. “Fuck-“ he groaned pressing your sticky foreheads together fixing his stare in your eyes. “Are you okay?” He asked gently caressing your shoulder.

Nodding repeatedly you reunited the sufficient air to murmur a timid “Fuck yes,”. Smiling cheekily you looked at him kissing your thigh and making you laugh in front of the tickles.

He sat on the bed before gulping loudly. “I need a shower,” he stood up abruptly. You rolled your eyes as you looked for his shirt. Of course he needed to take a bath. Cleaning freak. 

You put on his shirt before realising he was kneeled next to you. Kissing your lips sweetly before standing up and taking a towel he headed the bathroom. Listening to the bath tub getting filled you shut your eyes and covered yourself with the bed sheets. A stupid smile couldn’t be erased from your face as a vertiginous amount of serotonin invaded your mind. Finally. You finally had expressed your feelings for each other in a more intimate way than mere words. 


	25. Chapter 25

At the exact moment you entered the city of Trost, you realised what was really going on. Seeing so many people around was unusual. Since the fall of wall Maria people hardly wanted to see the Survey Corps leave for their expeditions. Therefore, as soon as your eyes spotted a really long queue of citizens on their horses, some of them crying, shouting and cursing, your blood boiled in anger. Others were just too tense and pale to even have a facial expression. Scared. They were way too scared. There was even a man, around Erwin's age, vomiting and crying. "What's going on?" Petra's voice behind you made you shiver.

Turning around slowly you looked at her watery eyes. She knew what was going on, she only needed you to confirm it aloud. Making your heart brave you clicked your tongue, "Civilians are forced to take part of the expedition,".

Her lips parted as she gasped. Her fear had been confirmed, "Why...?" her voice broke.

You frowned, "There are not sufficient resources," you galloped firmly till you got next to where Levi was. As your gaze met someone familiar you felt a compressing feeling on your chest. Armin's grandfather was riding a horse, his face seemed tranquil yet you could tell he felt anxious. "What the fuck, Levi?" you looked at him. He stayed in silence, "This is what you were worried about, isn't it?" you lowered your voice. Waiting for his response you got impatient, "Isn't it?" you parroted.

The ravenette looked around you before fixing his eyes in the commander's back, "I trust Erwin,".

Your heart beat increased dangerously, "We are literally sending them to death," you tried to control your shivering, "The fuck is the king thinking about? During normal expeditions, a quarter of us lose their lives... and we are talking about trained soldiers. Sending civilians to-"

"I trust Erwin," he interrupted you. 

You looked into his eyes as you tried to read what really was in his mind, "You can't be serious," your talking got faster and louder, "You can't agree with this... we're literally committing a mass murder and-,".

"Y/n," he interrupted you before he took a deep breath. 

You stayed in silence as you waited patiently for him to say something. Anything. Anything that could defend his actions. Nothing. He said nothing. You could not believe he was agreeing in something like that, "I didn't expect this from you..." you murmured. 

Once wall Rose was opened you galloped firmly without looking at the Ackerman. Sticking with Petra and Eld you followed the instructions and covered the left wing of the formation. Clenching your fists you couldn't help but feel deeply disappointed in him. Ten minutes into the wild and the first titan already appeared. They were getting closer to the wall. “I got it,” Eld said as he stood up on his horse. A few seconds later you heard a boisterous noise. The titan hit the floor. Eld succeeded.

In any other occasion you would have smirked. Killing a Titan in a single movement was hard. However, the loud piercing cries and anxious yells from the unwanted guests froze your blood. For sure, their agony would be tattooed in your brain. “They shouldn’t be here,” Petra murmured as she saw a couple of civilians being eaten as Mike squad killed some more titans.

”I know,” you said in between your teeth as you increased your speed. “I’m going as their support,” you looked at Levi.

He sighed loudly, “We might need you here,” he said. You were the strongest in his team, he couldn’t risk losing you.

You hummed and clenched your fist, “They need me more, Mike’s squad is in charge of civilians,” you looked at his frown and sighed. “I wasn’t asking for your permission anyway,” you galloped towards the other squad.

You heard Levi shout your name ones. Only ones. However, his deep yell managed to make you shiver. That was your first argument with him... you felt like crying, but that was not the moment. You made your heart brave and continued galloping till you met Mike, Nanaba, Hannah and the others.

”How’s everything?” You asked the man as he sniffed deeply. 

He looked behind him, where some civilians were crying and screaming, he shook his head. “Horrible,” he said in between his teeth.

You looked at their terrified faces as you made your heart brave. That was, by far, the most difficult expedition you had ever been to.

***

Dim rain and heavy clouds. Yells in agony in the distance. Low fog. Blood stains and dead corpses all over the floor. Left completely alone yet you knew where the main formation was, not too far from your position ready to go back home. As your horse almost stepped over a dead body you jumped off it. Trying to find a survivor you wandered around the dozens of corpses. Most of them were civilians.

You body froze as soon as you recognised one. Armin’s grandfather. Falling on your knees, feeling the hard soil hitting you as your clothes got dirty and wet you looked at his body before gently shutting his eyes. A fucking living hell. That was way worse than a nightmare. Feeling your body shiver -maybe because of the anger or perhaps you were lowkey scared- you clenched your fists and drowned a loud cry.

Hearing a horse gallop towards you from the distance you didn’t dare tear your eyes from the man. Still on the floor you let yourself be covered by the rain getting heavier every minute it passed. The rider of the horse jumped on the greenery as they put their hand on your shoulder. “I was looking for you,” you recognised that voice in less than a second.

Hitting his hand and standing up abruptly you grabbed him by the collar, fixing your eyes in his silver stare. “He shouldn’t have died,” you said in between your teeth tightening the grip, “He should have been in Trost taking care of his grandson,” your voice broke. “Fucking monarchs and fucking military,” you said breaking the contact. “I also blame you, captain,” you pressed your lips. Your voice sounded bitter and hurt.

He remained in silence as he looked at your gestures. Your face painted by fury and disappointment. Your trembling body almost unable to stay steady. Your wet hair covering your face. Your dirty soak clothes stuck to your body... he didn’t know what to do now. Did you need to download your anger with him? Did you need a comforting hug? He had no clue. That was the first time Levi wasn’t able to read what was in your mind. That frustrated him.

After some minutes, he finally took a step closer to you. He parted his lips as he was about to say something. You waited for his words before seeing his eyes widen in hurry. “Y/n!” He pushed you abruptly before unsuccessfully reaching for his blades. A titan. A fucking titan had appeared and you didn’t even notice. The poor visibility caused by the weather had almost sent you to death. You also blamed your own stupidity. Perhaps, if you hadn’t been so fucking immersed in your anger you would have seen it earlier.

But you didn’t. And the Ackerman was now being strangled by that nasty creature. “Levi!” You yelled as you stood up once again and faced the titan. When you heard his growl in agony and saw him cough some blood you clicked your tongue. “Fuck,” you murmured as you used the gears to reach the titan’s shoulder. Once there, you looked at Levi. His ribs couldn’t handle that much pressure.

Cutting the giant’s nape so it lost its life was essential. Your cut was firm and clean. Perfect. As he was about to fall down, you cut its hand and took the man in between your arms. Blood. Your clothes were now covered by his blood. “Shit...” you mumbled as you noticed he was about to lose consciousness. Examining him as fast as you could you realised he had no visible wound. Had he coughed all that blood?

Without losing more time, you rode a horse with Levi on your lap and galloped as fast as you could to the main squad’s location. “I am an idiot,” you whispered as you increased your speed.

Feeling Levi’s heavy breathing as he tried to say something you shut him up. First priority was reaching Erwin’s place and take Levi to a cart. As you saw, on the corner of your eres, his hand trying to reach your face you took it and grabbed it firmly. “Don’t move,” you mumbled hearing a really light almost unnoticeable broken chuckle.

Once you spotted some members of the Legion in the horizon you increased your speed. Stroking the horse you silently apologised for being too demanding. “We need a cart for Captain Levi,” you shouted. “Now,” Once again, the long faces and cries in agony after every expedition. As a cadet took Levi and put him on a wooden wagon you jumped on it and stayed with him.

”He doesn’t look good...” the cadet took a deep breath.

You took off your cape and used it as a pillow for him. “I know,” you said in between your teeth as you put your fingers on his neck feeling his soft heartbeat getting slower. “Fuck...” your hand shivered as you felt his breathing getting uneven. 

He coughed some blood over your cape before opening slowly his eyes, “y/n...” hearing his voice in such a weak tone made you feel dizzy. “Why... are you crying?” He gently caressed your cheek as you realised you were indeed crying. At least a thousand tears were dropping from your eyes and there was no sign of it stopping any time soon.

”Shut up,” you said as you tried to stop.

He hummed as his gaze got fixed on the cloudy dark sky, “I...” he coughed once again before shutting his eyes slowly, “I still owe you a rematch...” he lowered his voice so much you were the only one who had heard that.

You bitted your lip as you clenched your fists unable to control your anxiety, “Idiot,” you said in a loud cry. Looking at Erwin, who was galloping next to the cart, you grabbed his attention, “How far are we from Wall Rose?”.

A sepulcral silence invaded the place as he sighed loudly, “At least 35 minutes,”.

That statement froze your blood. He would not be able to survive. Looking at his calm face and shut eyes, you gently touched his shoulder. “Levi...” you whispered as his body got rigid, “Levi,” you shook him lightly. No response. “Levi!” Your voice pierced everyone’s mind. Still, no response. “Levi, don’t leave me!” Your voice broke. Still no response “Levi-!” You broke once again into a loud crying. “Please...” you clenched your fists letting your fingernails rip your skin, “Please,” you shut your eyes as hard as you could.

You put a finger on his wrists looking for his heartbeat. Nothing. You then looked for it on his neck. Still nothing. On his chest... nothing. Unfair. Life was so unfair. After so much time spent together... doing stupid investigations, drinking tea, reading, chatting, cleaning, training... his first time seeing snow. His first time eating chocolate. After your escape to Shiganshina, the trial, the fall of Wall Maria. After everything you had lived together... he had to die there? In a stupid expedition? After having a stupid fight? After he saved you? “No way...” you grabbed tightly his shirt as your tears, mixed with the rain drops, fell all over him.

You couldn’t feel his warmth anymore.

The cadet patted your shoulder as he shook his head, “He lost too much blood...”.

And then, it clicked. You frowned as your eyes traveled all over his body. He hadn’t lost that much blood. Cleaning your tears away you bitted your thumb nail as you murmured some nonsense. Ah. You were in _that_ mood once again. Those months in Shiganshina had not been in vain. You had worked as a doctor assistant. You knew what to do now. Putting your aid kit next to you, your eyes spotted Erwin’s blue gems. You nodded firmly as his face got calmer, he trusted you. “You are going to help me,” you said looking at the cadet. He nodded firmly.

Looking at the first aid kit you couldn’t help but think about your first expedition with Levi. He called you a _‘wannabe doctor’._ He might had been right. 

Your eyes traveled all around his body. Why was he unconscious? It was definitely not the blood lose... was it because of the pain? You doubted that. Sticking your ear against his chest you tried to ignore the cart rumbling noise and the horses galloping. You waited patiently until you heard a weak bum from the distance. His heart was working. His head had not received any kind of damage. And yet... he was not breathing.

No breathing. Blood coughing. Your eyes widened as you realised in which position he was: leaned over his back, facing the sky. “Fuck,” you slightly opened his mouth as your suspicious became reality. His mouth was full of blood. “That’s why he can’t breathe,” you leaned his head as some blood dropped from it. The fluid was too fucking dense to drop properly. “Water,” you asked the cadet. As fast as he could he gave you a bottle, you filled your mouth with water before pinching Levi’s nose and getting your lips together. Carefully, you spitted the water into his mouth and waited for a couple of seconds as it got mixed with the blood.

He would have hated that. It was disgusting. Spitting the water mixed with blood, you asked the cadet for more bottles. Twice, thrice, four... at least you repeated that six times. Why was his mouth getting refilled? Clicking your tongue you looked at him once more. Leaning his head slightly to one side, you rapidly teared his shirt. A huge bruise was covering his right side. “I see,” you mumbled pressing it slightly.

”What is it?” You heard the commander’s voice yet you didn’t face him.

”When are we going to reach the nearest clinic?” You asked

He hummed, “25 minutes,” he said firmly.

You exhaled sharply as you tried to make your head clear. This expedition had as a main goal getting rid of some civilians. However, the king wouldn’t let them die inside the walls in mere hospitals, therefore they would be the first ones to get treatment. Before the army. Looking around you noticed the enormous number of wounded civilians... soldiers would have to wait at least for two hours. If he hadn’t a fatal visible injury he wouldn’t get any kind of medical assistance. Levi didn’t have any external bleeding but he wouldn’t survive that long. “When the titan strangled him, a rib got broken,” you said as you felt Erwin’s firm stare on you, “The rib has perforated his lung... his breathing system is being filled with blood,” you clicked your tongue once more.

You now had two options: The first one was praying to God he would make it till you reached the hospital and help him by emptying his mouth every few minutes. The second one was way too risky, you could open his side and try to fix the perforation, covering it and avoiding a huge blood lose till you got to the clinic. Maybe -Maybe- they would give him assistance if they saw him in such state. 

You took a blade after you tied your hair up. You were definitely going to safe his life.


	26. Chapter 26

“Wine,” you demanded firm voice, cold stare. 

The cadet gave you a bottle of the beverage. You looked at it narrowing your eyes, blaming the Stationary Troops for infecting their stupid alcoholism to the soldiers. Opening the bottle hearing a light _pop_ sound you smelled it slightly. Throwing the fluid all over your blade, you pressed Levi's side lightly with your fingertips gently drawing the line you had to follow.

Looking at Erwin you nodded firmly. Taking a deep breath you cut his skin. Staining your hands with blood you shut your eyes for a second. No. You had to remain focused. You opened your eyes again. The cadet threw some water and wine over your fingers. Feeling your tongue getting heavier you licked your lips. You wish Levi didn't wake up in that moment. You had to be fast to minimise the blood loss so, without hesitating a single second, you rapidly inserted a couple of fingers in his torso. You heard a loud gasp from the cadet, he was getting dizzy. Biting for bottom lip you pressed his chest lightly as you looked for his broken rib, it was not hard to find. "Jesus," you murmured as you felt it perforating the lung, "How much?" you raised your voice.

"12 minutes," Erwin answered. Clicking your tongue you slightly looked at your assistant. Feeling the dimensions of the perforation you couldn't help getting anxious. What the hell would you use to cover it and stop the bleeding? You quickly thought of the best solution. It was not the most pleasant one yet it was the only thing you could come up with.

"Cadet," the young boy got closer to you he leaned over Levi's body and rapidly looked away meeting Hange's curious gaze, "Feeling sick?" you chuckled nervously.

He shook his head as he took a deep breath murmuring a firm "No captain," before looking at your work once again. He indeed was feeling like throwing up yet, he was aware Levi couldn't lose any more time so he made his heart brave and swallowed his own vomit along with his fear.

"Good," you whispered as you pointed Levi's head with your chin, "Take my cape, you will make a tourniquet with it when I tell you," he nodded, "It has to be tight, my hand will still be in his body so there'll be a little hole in your work... However, I want you to tighten it as hard as you can. I don't care if you have to break my wrist, got it?" He was about to complain. His puzzled looked made you realise he didn't understand a thing you just said, yet you couldn't waste time explaining him your plan.

"Y/n," Hange's voice made you shiver, you looked at them in concern, "Good luck," they said.

You smiled. In slow motions but making firm movements you pulled out his rib. Using all your strength you positioned it slightly apart and covered the hole by inserting three fingers. Once you felt the lung being closed you nodded. "Now," you asked as the cadet tired your cape around Levi's body and stopped the hemorrhage. it was tight. You could feel your hand lose strength in front of the grip. "Good job," you murmured in between your teeth. Looking around you, seeing how much blood there was you tried to avoid a growl. It was not over yet, his mouth was still being filled by blood. Asking the cadet for water you repeated the performance you did earlier so you could empty his mouth.

Those damn 12 minutes felt like an eternity. You really swore you had been healing Levi for what seemed hours or even days. You had never believed in any kind of divinities, you didn't even think about them, yet there you were: praying desperately to God. Begging for his savage, begging for his well-being. The word _please_ had now become a stupid mantra playing on loop in your mind. Lost in your frenetic actions, you hardly noticed the wagon had already stopped. Looking around in desperation you realised you were in a city. Was it Trost? Probably. Your blurry sighed avoided you to see properly.

Seeing Erwin jump off his horse running towards a building you gulped loudly. The cadet who helped you patted your shoulder as he nodded firmly. Hange helped the civilians to get into the hospital. A couple of minutes later, the commander approached you along with some doctors. In between the yelling, crying bloody chaos, the doctors took Levi's weak body as you moved graciously along with them avoiding breaking the contact. "You should leave," One of them -the oldest one, who had greasy white hair and round goggles- grabbed your wrist firmly. 

"He might die," you said desperately, "My fingers are avoiding his lung to have a huge irreparable hole and-"

"Hey," Another doctor, a short brunette woman, shook your shoulder, "You won't be in this stupid position eternally, will you?" her voice sounded fierce, "Leave him to us," she sounded fierce.

"Let me come with you, I can help with-" Erwin took your arm. 

"No," he said. Your body trembled in front of the sudden contact, "Take him," he commanded without hesitation. Unable to get rid of the blonde, the doctors let your hand go as they took Levi into the clinic.

Fruit of desperation and fear, you ran behind them as you screamed some nonsense. You didn't even know which words you were pronouncing, "Let me go!" you yelled as you felt the commander's firm hands grabbing both your arms. "Erwin!" Your right hand dripped some blood, the street floor was getting dirty. "Please!" your body moved frenetically as you kicked the air and tried to push him away, "Please, Erwin!" your voice cracked as you burst in a loud heartbreaking cry, "Please..." your weak voice would surely be engraved in his mind.

Feeling your body get weaker, the commander let his firm grip. Still feeling his ghosting hands on your arms you turned around and cleaned some tears as your face got covered in fresh blood. "It's okay now," he said hugging you gently, "He's in good hands..." he whispered as you tightened the hug and stained his uniform with the shorty's blood.

***

Playing nervously with your fingers you constantly saw covered in blood. Tramping nonstop the wooden floor as your eyes were stuck in Levi's resting body laid on a bed in front of you. The doctor's words keep sounding all around your head, _"It's up to him now, it's his own personal fight for survival,"_ He would survive. Of course he would. Humanity's strongest, Levi Ackerman. He couldn't die, not like that. 

"Not yet?" you didn't even notice their presence. As soon as your eyes spotted Hange taking a seat next to you, you shook your head timidly.

You took a deep breath, "How are the civilians?" you asked in fear.

"You don't want to know the numbers," they said. "Believe me, you don't," You clenched your fists in anger. 

Hearing a single firm knock on the door your gaze traveled to the entry, Erwin entered without tearing his eyes from Levi. Exhaling sharply you stood up and took a step closer to him, "Why?" you asked in between your teeth, "Why did you let civilians take part of this?" you sounded fierce. He didn't say a word. "I know he thought it was not right," you looked at the onyx-haired, "But, he has blind trust in you," you almost spitted those words. "Parents, grandparents, sons, daughters, siblings... they all had families. They were not soldiers for God's sake! They didn't fucking dedicate their heart-" your voice broke, "They shouldn't have died,". 

The Smith nodded slowly, "I know," he said in a timid whisper.

Looking into his eyes you tried to figure out what was he thinking of. Pain. All you could see in the depths of his blue stare was pain. He did not want to do that either. Those ghosts were surely going to haunt him for the rest of his days. Clicking your tongue you sat once again and continued looking at Levi. He would wake up at any minute. You knew it.

He was strong. The strongest human in fact.

He was not going to die.

Not there.

It was not his time to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the length of this chapter... It's really short but it would look unnatural to coninue it immediately from this point :(


	27. Chapter 27

**Three days later...**

That darn mahogany wooden chair had become your new home. Only leaving it twice a day for going to the bathroom. You would occasionally sleep for less than an hour and you would only eat when Hange brought you food. Eyes fixed on Levi you waited patiently for his recovery. The doctors had visited him only once those last days. That was a good signal. You remembered Grisha's indications: when a doctor checked a patient up constantly, that individual had few chances to recover. Therefore, if the onyx-haired didn't need assistance that pointed a good healing.

Taking a deep breath you held his hand -it felt way colder than usual- caressing it in circular motions you whispered a timid "I love you," before pressing your dry lips against his skin. Shutting your eyes you carefully listened to his weak harmonic breathing. The confirmation of him being alive. That breathing gave you hope. "I'm sorry..." you said kissing his hand once more. And then, a miracle happened. A dream. It was a weak short movement: His thumb gently caressing your lip. Enough for you to widen your eyes and call his name.

Only a few seconds later -a few seconds that felt like an eternity- he tried to open his eyes. Blinking repeatedly in an attempt to get used to the light his dark orbits got fixed in you. It was like a reflex action, looking at you and only you. "Good morning," you said with your nervous trembling voice, a couple of tears fighting to fall. A shadow of a smirk over his face as he fought for his voice to be heard. A deep growl from the bottom of his stomach made you chuckle lightly as tears started to create a river over your face.

He clicked his tongue and pressed your hand, "Morning," his voice had dropped a full octave. His voice. You were not aware of how much you had missed it till now. 

Kissing his hand a hundred times, covering it with both tears and saliva you cried a weak "I'm sorry," as his gentle gaze studied carefully your movements.

"Shut up and stop sobbing," he exhaled sharply, "You are dirtying my hand... stupid brat," you chuckled lightly before cleaning the tears from your face.

You let his hand go before sweetly caressing his cheek and his bony jaw. You did want to tell him so many things: how much you had missed him, how the expedition ended, what the hell had happened to him, how sorry you were for that stupid argument you had... However, as your watery eyes met his silver stare you felt unable to open your mouth. You somehow felt like he already knew about all of that. His confident gaze made you feel in peace.

Seeing a couple of doctors enter the room, you broke the stare and smiled tenderly. "Could you...?" one of them cleared his throat. Nodding firmly you left the room not without smiling one last time at your beloved partner.

Once the Ackerman was alone with the medical crew he looked at his brand new scar and sighed. It was quite big. "You know," the brunette doctor talked after she used her stethoscope and heard his breathing. His lungs were clean and clear. "She saved your life," Levi looked at her in a silent plea for her to explain everything, "A rib perforated your lung, your breathing system was being filled with your own blood, you got unconscious because of the lack of oxygen," as she carefully told him what happened without leaving any details -Hange had explained everything to the doctors as soon as you reached Trost- Levi couldn't help feeling both proud and thankful to have you with him.

Feeling a heavy weight disappear from your shoulders and a tight knot loosing in your throat, you rested your back on the cold brick wall from the corridor before sitting on the floor as you felt your weak legs give up. Cleaning some remaining traces of tears on the corners of your eyes, you hugged yourself as you took a deep breath. "Finally..." you whispered.

***

Levi was not a patient person. Staying in bed doing nothing waiting for the doctor to let him go back home was killing him. After being awake for 48 hours he felt like dying of boredom had become his new routine. Erwin, Hange and Mike would come randomly to check on him while you stayed permanently in that cold room. At one point he asked you to leave and get proper rest, you limited your answer by smiling slightly and murmur a bitter, "No way in hell,". He just clicked his tongue and he didn't dare to suggest such a stupid thing again.

Hearing firm foot steps you saw the commander entering the room not without knocking before, taking a couple of steps towards the bed -followed by a cadet- he smiled tenderly. “Feeling better?” He asked. Levi nodded firmly. 

“Hey,” you waved at the cadet, “I didn’t have the chance to properly thank you, you did a good job,” he was the one who helped you back in the wagons. As his cheeks got pink and his brown eyes sparkled he ran his fingers through his ashy blond hair.

Judging his cute and nervous reaction, that had been his first expedition ever. Poor kid. Such a nightmarish experience for his first time... “Y/n,” Erwin patted your shoulder. “As promised, from now on you are a squad leader. We’ll arrange the paperwork as soon as we get to the headquarters,” he then looked at the young boy, “Cadet Gabrielle Berger will be your second in charge,” the boy saluted firmly, “He is interested in medicine and health science,”.

You crossed your legs and sighed loudly, “Why are you suddenly interested in such things, cadet?” You teased him a little.

Without breaking his firm salute he looked into your eyes, “I joined the Survey Corps so I could be useful for humanity. During the expedition I wasn’t able to kill a single titan, I felt useless...” he then looked at Levi, “When I helped you heal Captain Levi’s injury...” he looked at you once again, “I realised how important this knowledge is during expeditions. I want to serve humanity. I want to be useful, therefore I devote my heart,” his voice didn’t show any kind of hesitation.

You smiled, “Good answer,”.

Levi rolled his eyes, “So...” he blinked a couple of times, “You really are a fucking wanna-be-doctor,” you laughed sweetly.

”I guess I am,” you smiled back. 

Shutting your eyes, running a couple of fingers through your hair, leaning back facing the ceiling you smiled brightly. You knew it. Of course Levi wouldn’t die there. That was impossible. You laughed. “Humanity’s strongest soldier can’t be killed that easily,” you looked at him.

He smirked, “The fuck are you talking about?” He rolled his eyes, “I am not immortal,” he smirked.

Leaning over him, your smile got erased slowly as you timidly took his hand. “I am sorry,” you whispered.

”Shut up-“

”Don’t,” you shook your head interrupting him abruptly, “If you had died... I... would have never forgiven myself,” you tightened the grip, “We should never argue before expeditions,” your teeth rubbed causing a shiver to travel all your spine.

He nodded firmly before exhaling sharply, “You are right,” he shut his eyes graciously, “By the way...” he smirked, “Is my blood tasty?”

“Shut up!” You blushed in embarrassment.

Looking at his peaceful face getting some rest you kissed his thumb. After this traumatic experience you felt how your bond had become tighter. Your relationship had taken a huge step forward. A new kind of intimacy. Hell yeah, you got really intimate now... you literally had put your fingers in his darn lung. That was definitely soulmates shit.


	28. Chapter 28

The light shaking of the wagon caused by the irregular ground scared you. Levi’s body was still weak so, having him travel in a horse cart, was quite dangerous. The solid instability and the horse’s gallops were definitely bad for his recent wound. “Can you stop being worried?” As if he had perfectly read your mind, the Ackerman scratched the back of his ear and sighed loudly, “I am okay,” he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Sitting in front of you, Levi was looking at your face trying to transmit some calm and serenity. After being hospitalised for almost a week he finally could go back to the Scouts headquarters. He couldn’t fight for a few months yet, having a strong will and an almost indestructible body like he had, he would probably start training in several weeks. For now, you were in charge of his squad. “Don’t you dare do anything stupid,” you gave him a fierce look. Knowing him, he would probably work out and start training soon.

”I won’t,” he said rolling his eyes, “And...” he slightly leaned towards you, “I hope you had your fucking fingers clean when you played with my darn bowels,” he touched his chest.

You laughed vividly, “Covered in both water and wine, they probably looked filthy as fuck,” you said looking at your hand.

He clicked his tongue in disgust. Imagining having someone else’s fingers -even yours- in his lung was not a pleasant thought.

”Can you stop being lovey-dovey?” Hange, who was next to you looking through the window, exhaled sharply, “Just for a second,” they crossed their legs and looked at you, “I am here too, you know?” They pouted claiming for some attention.

You chuckled as you rested your elbow on their shoulder, “We can be even more lovey-dovey, wanna watch?“ 

”Y/n!” Levi interrupted. He looked quite fluttered. 

Stuttering as the nervous mess you were, you felt your cheeks get hotter, “I was not talking about _those_ kind of things!” You were blushed causing the brunette to laugh shamelessly loud.

”Yeah, sure” The onyx-haired sarcastic tone made you blush even more.

”I swear!” You tried to sound convincing, “Stop fucking laughing!” You grabbed Hange by the collar whose eyes were full of tears.

Shaking them violently, their head almost hit the window, “I can’t!” They said in between loud snores and a piercing laughter able to drive anyone crazy or deaf. 

“Fucking try,” you pouted breaking the contact abruptly almost making them fall on the ground.

Hange couldn’t stop their laughter, cleaning a tear from the corner of their eye and pressuring their stomach, they looked at both of you, “Thank God the walls are thick enough and we don’t hear you-“

You interrupted them by kicking their side and making them fall on the ground, “Shut up, shitty four-eyes,” Levi’s voice sounded monotone yet you could tell he was repressing his impulsive will of kicking them.

”Sorry,” the brunette covered their mouth as they tried to stop laughing. Having their back on the wooden solid, they widened their eyes as soon as the cart stopped.

The wagon door was opened abruptly, “Welcome back Levi...” Erwin sighed loudly as soon as he saw Hange on the floor and your foot on their stomach. Looking at him in complete silence, he clicked his tongue and shut the door once again.

”Erwin! Help me!” The brunette stretched their arm trying to reach the door. Chuckling under your breath, you stepped aside and let them go. “Idiot,” they said friendly ruffling your hair.

Leaving the wagon you three met Erwin and told him about Levi’s condition. He also told you about how the expedition went. The government stated it had been useful for getting rid of most part of the wall Maria population.

That made your blood boil in anger.

After a quick fifteen minutes chat, Levi and you headed your room. Entering rapidly you jumped on the bed and fixed your eyes in the ceiling. “Home,” you mumbled. Being back to the headquarters felt like a dream. Not aware of how close Levi was to not getting back you grabbed the bedsheets and shut your eyes. Home. That was the first thought you got when the doctor said you could go back. Back home you thought. The Survey Corps headquarters had become your home. Warmer than the place you grew up in and way more welcoming. 

“Home,” the dark-haired growled sitting next to you. You bet the injury hurt when he moved his body. Tucking your hair sweetly, he played with your silky locks.

You pouted cutely as you scrolled to face him and rested your head on his lap carefully avoiding his wound, “Does it hurt?” You asked lowering your voice.

”Like hell,” he took a deep breath. You widened your eyes, it was really rare hearing him say those kind of things. He would never admit being in pain. “But, it’s not worse than being dead,” you chuckled nervously.

Turning your head around and facing him you caressed his cheek and smiled, “Your blood is disgusting,” you complained sticking out your tongue.

”Shut up,” he said pinching your nose. 

You laughed. That angelical sound made him grin, “No, but seriously,” your lip trembled, “It tastes horribly bad,” he rolled his eyes and covered your face with his hand.

Trying to control a light chuckle you bit his finger making him click his tongue, “The fuck are you? A dog?” He took away his hand.

You laughed again. You slightly looked at his disgusted face as he took a handkerchief from his pocket and cleaned the reminders of your saliva on his hand. 

As you sighed in devotion, he smirked lightly, “You look quite cheerful today,” he said looking into your eyes.

”Do I?” You faked a frown before doing a crunch and kissing his inviting lips. “By the way,” you kissed his cheek, “Tomorrow I’ll have my first training as your squad’s captain,” you smiled tenderly. You already had trained with Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunther, yet -something about being their captain- made you feel nervous.

”Don’t go easy on them,” he said tucking a lost hair of yours behind your ear.

Laughing nervously you took his hand and caressed it gently, “Don’t you remember when I was your captain?” You arched a brow, “I know how to be tough,” you nodded firmly, “I am the second humanity’s strongest soldier after all,” your eyes sparkled in pride.

He kissed your hand and hummed, “I know,” he kissed your wrist, “You were not _that_ tough with my trainings though... was it because you had a crush on me?” He smirked before kissing your forearm. 

Feeling your face getting flushed you stuttered nervously, “Shut up,” you frowned, “I started liking you when you were already a squad leader,” you mumbled.

”Is that so?” He exhaled sharply, his breath tickled your skin, “When did you know you were in love with me?” He teased kissing your upper arm.

Feeling flustered you murmured some nonsense, “Are we really having this conversation?” You asked looking at him kissing gently your shoulder. He nodded. You hummed as you thought about that specific moment when you realised your feelings. After a solid minute, you smiled tenderly. “When I saw you eating chocolate for the first time,”

He widened his eyes in surprise, “Idiot” he said as he kissed your neck. 

“What about you?” Those words came out of your mouth without even realising it. 

Facing you directly, his stare pierced your eyes. Only a few centimetres apart he gently caressed your cheek with his thumb, “When we tried your third ODMG prototype and failed miserably,” you rolled your eyes. 

You remembered that scene. It was a week before having the final prototype. You both went to the training ground and that one time you were the one to try the gears. Trying to balance yourself you fell onto the ground from a couple of metres, your butt hurt as hell. You could still remember the piercing pain crossing your body. He murmured a light _“You fucking idiot,”_ before offering his help to get up. 

“Why?” You chuckled, that was a weird moment to fall in love with someone.

He clicked his tongue, “I don’t fucking know,” he exhaled sharply, “I guess, I enjoyed seeing you fall,” you pushed him lightly as you blushed once again.

“Sadistic fucker,” you murmured before grabbing him by the collar and kissing him roughly, immersing your tongues in a desperate wet battle for ruling the place.

He playfully caressed your hair making you smile sweetly, “You should rest,” you ghosted his lips.

Clicking his tongue he weakly hit your head with his, “I’ve been resting for ages,” he murmured.

You laughed under your breath as you stood up, “I’ll bring some tea,” you said before leaving the room hearing his complaining.

As you headed the cafeteria, a familiar face in the distance recognised you. Running towards where you were, you found yourself hugging Hannah. She was crying. “Y/n,” she sobbed.

You looked at her face in fear as you gently cleaned her tears, “What’s wrong?” Your voice sounded low and caring.

She took a deep breath before looking at her surroundings, trying to find some strength, she finally opened her mouth. “Herbert got injured,” she said. You nodded. Mike told you about it. “He... he got a fever and an infection and... yesterday... he died,” she bursted into a loud cry once again. 

Gently caressing her head you hugged her and kissed her forehead. Herbert. That man with whom you shared a strange relationship. You were once childhood friends, you were his first love, he became your fiancé, you disliked him, he became your comrade, you hated him, he became your subordinate, you abhorred him, your paths broke away when he joined the Military Police, you then pitied him. And he helped you. He risked his position in the MP to help you escape. You liked him. When you were in Shiganshina, he joined the Survey Corps once again and became a member of Mike’s squad creating a good friendship with him and Hannah. 

He had become a good soldier after all.

“I am so sorry,” you whispered tightening the hug.

Nodding firmly she looked through the window, “I was about to take him flowers...”

”I’ll come with you,” you said without thinking it twice. Walking in complete silence to the cemetery, you felt your heart compress in pain. He made your life quite difficult but, you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him. Not after everything he had done those last years. He had become a better person and a better soldier. When he got injured during the expedition, you were told he was saving a civilian. A family man. A baker. The old Herbert would have said something like _‘people like us should not get involved with mere bakers’_ but there he had been. Risking his life for that mere civilian.

As you reached his grave, you couldn’t help feeling uneasy. You hated cemeteries. Seeing a man walking away from it, you rapidly assumed it was the baker he had saved. “Hey,” a deep voice behind you made you shiver. Mike was there, sad eyes and a semi permanent frown. You nodded timidly as you patted his shoulder. Losing a squad member was hard. He surely blamed himself as his captain. You wanted to tell him something, but you also knew you couldn’t help him. You could say anything to him, his brain would still blame himself for everything. You had lived that several times not too long ago. You knew the feeling. 

The young girl took Mike’s hand after leaving some white flowers on the grave. Shutting your eyes for a moment you thanked him silently for everything. In silence, you walked away from them and headed back the headquarters. Once you entered the building, you entertained yourself by doing some tea. Taking the china set you usually used, you felt your hand unable to stop shaking. Before realising it, a timid tear dropped from your cheek. Taking your time to calm your nerves you prepared the beverage. The atmosphere in the headquarters was darker and sadder than usual. 

“I’m back,” you said opening your room door. Being a captain meant you would have your own room and office now but, living with Levi was way better. You were not leaving him. Spending your nights together comforted each other. You couldn’t lose that.

Leaving the tea on the table, you kneeled next to the bed and looked at the man’s calm breathing as he slept peacefully. Snoring lightly his chest moved harmonically. Kissing his forehead you covered him with a blanket.

If you ever lost him you would definitely go crazy. 


	29. Chapter 29

The ravenette sighed loudly as his sighed was blocked by the ceiling. That old ceiling he had already memorised every single corner of it. He bet he had spent more time in bed those last month than he had since he first joined the Scouts. Still feeling a piercing pain on his torso, he sat on the mattress and stretched his arms. Blinking a couple of times he reunited the sufficient courage to stand up and approach the window. Throwing it open, he felt the morning cool breeze entering the building. Traveling his stare all around the training field, his silver gaze finally spotted you. Giving some instructions to Petra, Eld and the others you looked serious and kind of intimidating. On his eyes though, you looked beautiful under the morning Sun.

A shadow of a smile could be seen on his face. As soon as Petra noticed his fixed eyes on you, she smiled teasingly as she hit your ribs with her elbow, "Captain," she murmured. You arched a brow as you followed her gaze. A pinkish blush coloured your cheeks as you saw Levi's sweet tranquil expression carefully studying you. He was not wearing a shirt. Oh God, he was _not_ wearing a shirt.

Gulping loudly, not knowing where to look, you teared your eyes from him and faced your trainees once again. "A- as I was saying..." you stuttered. The girl laughed under her breath as your blush got intensified. "Stop it-" you murmured feeling your cheeks as hot as ever, "A hundred extra push-ups, now" you ordered. As the soldiers got on the floor, you looked back at the window where Levi was resting on and gave him a deadly scary stare. 

Exhaling sharply and rolling his eyes, the Ackerman shut the window and entered back to your room. Going to the bathroom and taking a quick shower he made a short list of things he was supposed to do. That list only consisted in cleaning and drinking tea. He growled in pain as he felt his scar slightly pulling his sore skin. New cadets had joined the Survey Corps, as usual there were not a lot, but that implied everybody was busy. Specially you. Levi usually had the task of intimidating them after Erwin's speech and now you had that job. He was sure you were going to do it well. 

In that very moment, the commander was welcoming them. Seven kids around the age of fifteen had joined the Scouts. Three of them were members of your new squad. Erwin had sent their records to your office but you haven't had the chance to read them yet. As Levi's squad was struggling with the workout, you spotted the blonde approaching you with the cadets. Nodding firmly you grabbed their attention. "These are cadets Heilig, Ebner and Koller," he said, “By the way,” he whispered before leaving the place, “Those kids from Shiganshina have enrolled the military,” he said.

You smiled timidly. So Eren, Armin and Mikasa really did join you... having Shadis as their trainer... those two years would be an absolute nightmare for them. "Names?" you asked to the cadets crossing your arms over your chest and leaning your weight on your right leg.

The three of them looked at each other. The news of you being able to heal Levi's injury in such difficult conditions had traveled all around the country. Everybody knew what you did and you were equally admired and feared by your strength. "I..." a girl, slightly taller than you, saluted firmly. Her green eyes sparkled under the Sun light as her long curly brown hair graciously framed her face. She was really pretty, "I'm Maya,".

You looked at her up and down a couple of times before weakly kicking her ankle, "Put your legs together," you said as she jumped a little correcting her posture.

A raven-haired boy around your height shut his dark eyes as he saluted nervously, "I'm Oscar!" he almost yelled that. You clicked your tongue and frowned asking him to lower his voice.

"I'm Daniel," the last young cadet looked at your eyes without any kind of nervousness. His piercing brown stare made you realise he had probably had experienced too much for his age. His posture was flawless as his expression was emotionless. 

"Good," you said looking at them, "You'll join cadet Gabrielle and be my new squad," you hummed, "I don't like my squad being the weakest," they gulped loudly.

"Jesus..." a few metres from you, Hange, Mike and Hannah looked at you attentively, "I wouldn't like being in her squad," Mike murmured feeling a cold shiver crossing his dorsal spine. "Scary," he complained remembering your fierce look whenever he dared chewing loudly around your presence.

Hange patted his shoulder almost making him trip over, "They'll be fine!" they said before laughing.

Hannah hummed as she rested her back on a tree, "I wish I could've spent more time under her command," she said in between her teeth, "The second..." she felt Mike's aggressive stare and shook her head, "The third humanity's strongest," she said biting her fingernail.

"I'll ask her to teach me some basic first aid techniques," Hange rolled up their sleeve, "That's something useful for expeditions," both of them nodded firmly before seeing you facing them. You looked annoyed. They felt nervous as they understood your silent ask for them to move their asses and get back to training. 

You smiled sweetly before looking at the ground under your feet. You hated that. Having a brand new squad, memorising their names, training them, getting to know them and -most probably- seeing them die. You were tired of that. You couldn't help but feel sick at the thought of young people dying in front of you. A sudden illusion blurred your sighed as you pictured the three newcomers being eaten by a titan covering you in blood disabling your capacity do move. You could not experience something like that again.   
  


***

Looking proudly at the just mopped floor, Levi rested on the door frame and tried to spot any imperfection or a small trace of untidiness on your chamber. The bathroom sparkled as if it was made of precious gems, the bedroom looked like a five stars hotel suit ready to be booked and the office seemed as tidy as a silver plate.

Storing the cleaning products, he took a deep breath. You had an hour of training left. He was craving for some tea yet, he wanted to wait for you. He clicked his tongue before wandering around the headquarters in an attempt to kill his boredom. Once he spotted the commander’s office door slightly opened he stopped in front of it.

That was weird. He would never leave his door like that. He would either leave it totally open for visits or completely shut for private conversations or doing paperwork. He knocked firmly as he murmured a deep “Erwin,” from the bottom of his stomach. He clicked his tongue before knocking again, “Oi, Erwin,” he parroted without receiving an answer.

Entering abruptly he rapidly felt his body get tensed in front of that unusual image. Shutting the door aggressively making the blonde shiver, he approached the desk and clicked his tongue. “The fuck is wrong with you?” He said in between his teeth.

”Levi...?” The commander said. His head was resting on the desk as at least three empty bottles of hard alcohol surrounded him.

The dark-haired frowned as he helped him to sit up. Erwin almost fell off the chair, he put his arm around Levi’s neck trying to balance himself. Looking into his blue deep gems, he saw the vivid image of a broken man. “Three thousand five hundred and twenty seven...” he murmured dragging his tongue around his mouth.

Levi growled as he felt his nostrils invaded by Erwin’s alcoholic breath. “Three thousand five hundred and twenty seven,” he repeated. That was the number. 3527 civilians had died in last month’s expedition. 

The blonde didn’t sleep well since then. He felt their ghosts condemning him. He was doomed. For the rest of his days those innocent victims would haunt him. “Levi,” he clicked his tongue running a couple of fingers through his hair, “This will never happen again,” he clenched his fists as hard as he could, “Never,” he hit the table.

Levi nodded firmly, “You look and smell disgusting,” he said trying to help him stand up, “Take a fucking bath,”.

The blonde chuckled, “The Survey Corps Commander can be seen in this poor state, right?” He stood up resting on the desk avoiding a clumsy fall.

The Ackerman rolled his eyes as he dragged him to the bathroom. Throwing a white clean towel on his face he filled the bathtub with hot water. “I’m not asking you to forget about the expedition,” he said facing him once again, hearing the water being poured, “And believe me, their families are not going to forget it... and they will never forgive you,” Erwin nodded slowly before unbuttoning clumsily his shirt. “That’s why you have to forgive yourself,” blue eyes widened in curiosity, “If you don’t do that... you’ll never get rid of those chains that tie you to your past,” he stopped the water before checking if it had the right temperature. “The Survey Corps have already forgiven you,” he put his hand on his pockets before leaving the bathroom, he shook his head. “The Survey Corps have never blamed you,”,

”Levi,” the commander grabbed his full attention, “Thank you,” he smiled, “and...” he couldn’t repress a light chuckle, “Tell y/n she’s wrong,” he did a short pause, “You don’t suck at comforting people,”.

The onyx-haired arched a brow “How do you-?” He clicked his tongue, “Never mind, just... get clean,” he shut the bathroom door and entered his office.

Sitting on the sofa, putting his feet on the coffee table, he crossed his arms and waited for his friend to get better. Maybe he had a deep physical injury but, Erwin and you -and probably the rest of the Scouts- had an even deeper emotional wound. In a couple of months he would be recovered, however, those untreatable traumas and brain injuries were dooming you. That was way worse than having a mere rib perforating his darn lung. He would eventually recover but you both were not. 

He felt his chest compress for a second, he had to be strong. Not only for Erwin but for you too. He knew you were having a bad time, you were broken. Perhaps, you were not as broken as the first time you met yet, you were a chaotic mess. You could never fool him.

He knew that expedition had highly perturbed your mental health. He knew you couldn’t get over the fact Carla Jaeger had died a few hours after you left her. He knew, Herbert’s death had affected you way more than what you wanted to admit. He knew you cried yourself to sleep, he knew you also cried in the bath. He knew most of your smiles were fake. He knew every time you said “Don’t worry, I am just tired,” you actually were on the verge of tears.

He knew your bad habits like staying up late had come back. Even when you went to bed early he knew you just stayed awake blaming yourself for everything. He also knew you cried in sleeps and -a couple of times- you even screamed and trembled uncontrollably. He had to grab your arms and legs and calm you by saying “You are not alone,” at least five times before you could continue resting. 

He knew all that. That’s why he had to be strong. Humanity’s strongest.   
  



	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW content

**Some months later...**

Blinking a couple of times trying to get used to the Sun light, you got up and stretched your arms. Staying in silence for a couple of minutes, you felt goosebumps crossing your whole body announcing the cold weather of the day. Putting on a long robe you dragged yourself to the washroom and spend around ten minutes brushing your teeth, cleaning your face and tiring your hair up in a messy bun. Putting on your uniform you entered the office and looked at Levi doing his paperwork as focused as always. "Good morning, birthday boy," you got closer to him sweetly kissing his forehead.

"Morning," he teared his eyes from his papers and looked at you up and down with a slight frown, "You have to work today," he sounded disappointed.

You nodded and scratched your head, "I'll make it up for you," you leaned towards his ear, "Tonight," you whispered.

He smirked firmly grabbing you by the waist, "You better," he kissed your stomach making you giggle.

Nodding once again you left the room not without murmuring a dim _'see you later'_. Walking firmly you headed the main entrance and waited patiently feeling the cold December breeze freezing your body. Once you saw a wagon approaching you firmly you smiled. "Good morning," you greeted your squad members who exited the vehicle carrying some shopping bags. "Thank you, guys," you smiled as you told them to follow you.

Heading the kitchen you waved to some of the Survey corps members without letting them distract you. As soon as you entered the room, your subordinates left the bags on a table. Smiling at Erwin and Hange, who were already there waiting for you, you rolled your sleeves up and grinned. "Again," you look at the young ones, "Thanks," you patted Maya's head, "You can take the day free," they smiled back before leaving the place.

"So," Erwin rested his elbow on your shoulder, feeling his strength and weight your legs almost trembled, "We'll follow your instructions," he ruffled your hair.

You were about to give the first order when you saw the brunette taking all the ingredients from the bags. Eggs, milk, flour, dark chocolate, good alcohol... "Where did you get all these?" they asked. Since the fall of wall Maria those kind of groceries were hard to find and quite expensive. 

You answered with a dim smile. Even though you had renounced your nobility title you still got some good contacts and friends as traders and members from the bourgeoisie. You knew Levi would hate having a big party for his birthday so you decided to celebrate something in _'petit comité'_ , like you did years ago when Hange got raised to squad leader. Mike and Mobilt were in charge of distracting Levi as Erwin, Hange and you decided to bake a dark chocolate cake. Getting the kitchen utensils you put on an apron and gave the first instructions.

"Where did you learn how to cook?" The commander asked as he carefully broke some eggs trying to not be too messy.

You smiled tenderly feeling nostalgic and a little sad, "Back in Shiganshina I used to help Mrs Jaeger in the kitchen," you said as you melted the chocolate, "She was a great cook," you pressed your lips. Erwin patted your shoulder comforting you in silence.

Hearing a loud piercing sound behind you, you turned around abruptly seeing the brunette taking a couple of metal pots from the floor, "Hange," the blonde crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"We don't need those," you said sighing loudly. "Come here and help me with the chocolate," you couldn't avoid a sweet smile. 

Baking a cake with those two made you really happy. Erwin and Hange, those two were like siblings to you. You trusted them with your own life and you knew your feelings were reciprocated. Comfort and love. The Survey Corps had really become your family. Having a free day from titans and expeditions and training was comforting and necessary in your train of life. You thank Erwin for choosing Levi's birthday to give you a holiday. Looking through the window you smiled tenderly, last time you spent his special today together was snowing. He saw snow for the first time next to you. You could remember perfectly his dim smile in astonishment. He looked like a child who just found a treasure. 

***

Nostalgic. Being on the rooftop late at night with Moblit, Hange, Mike, Erwin and Levi felt nostalgic. Shutting your eyes feeling a shiver cross your body you took a deep breath, the cool air hurt your throat so you coughed lightly in an attempt to clear it. "I missed this," you said in between coughs.

Levi rolled his eyes and patted your back. "I told you to wear a thicker sweater," he clicked his tongue before taking off his cardigan and gently putting it on your shoulders, "It'd be a pain in the ass if you caught a cold," he said exhaling sharply.

Smiling sweetly and getting closer to him you nodded, "Thank you," you whispered. Looking at your friends you spotted their gazes fixed in both of you as Hange murmured something and the others nodded firmly. "What are you looking at?" you raised your voice.

Mike chuckled and scratched his neck, "We had never seen you being so loving," he said taking a step closer offering you a bottle of wine, "It's weird," you took the bottle.

You looked a Levi, whose face was a few inches next to yours, and laughed lightly. "Our relationship is no one's business," he said in a tired sighed.

Humming after taking a sip of wine you agreed with your partner. "He actually is very affectionate when we are alone," you made him click his tongue.

"I can't imagine that," Hange stretched their arms with some difficulties, they were tipsy already, "But I'm glad," they looked at Mike and patted their shoulder, "You and Hannah are too lovey-dovey... always kissing and hugging in public," they complained, "Keep that behaviour for the bedroom, you lovebirds,".

The tallest, feeling a light blush over his cheeks, friendly punched the tawny-haired arm. "Shut up," he said in between his teeth.

"But, for real," the commander sat next to you as he grabbed the wine bottle from your hands, "I'm glad you guys found each other," he smiled at Levi and you, "I'm happy for you," he took a long sip causing a little river of the liquid drop over his perfect sharp jaw. He knew how perfect you were for each other and couldn't avoid feeling happy for you. His closer friends. 

"Thanks," You smiled in gratitude and looked at Levi, "How was the cake?" you finally asked.

He scratched the back of his ear before ruffling your hair, "Tasty," he said in a whisper before booping you on the nose making all of your friends mumble a cute _'Awwww'_ in unison. "Shut up," he said rolling his eyes. Laughing under your breath you caressed his face before kissing his cheek slowly. He took a deep breath before putting his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer.

Erwin patted your head before standing up, "We've got training tomorrow early in the morning," he stretched his arms, "We should get going to bed," he headed the rooftop door, "Now," he ordered. Complaining and cursing all of you left the place, feeling the sudden change of temperature as you entered the building, you took off Levi's cardigan. The blonde grabbed your arm and leaned closer, "Have fun..." he whispered into your ear making you blush in embarrassment. 

Unable to say anything back, you felt as flustered as ever you wished sweet dreams to all your friends and headed your bedroom along the onyx-haired. "Fucking finally," he murmured as you closed the entry, taking a step closer and pushing you against the wooden door kissing you roughly grabbing your cheeks, "Finally alone," he ghosted your lips.

Gulping loudly you kissed him again, immersing your tongues in an astonishing battle making you shiver in front of every wet slide and nudge. Lacing your fingers with her raven hair you pulled him towards you, making him open his mouth even more enabling your tongue to get even further into his mouth. The dim taste of alcohol made you grinned as you played with his belt. "Shall we go to bed, birthday boy?" you whispered before biting his lip.

He smirked as he took your hand and dragged you to the dormitory, pushing you against the mattress and taking off his shirt before he crawled over you unable to stop kissing your strawberry swollen lips. Giggling against his mouth, you mirrored his gestures and took off your clothes feeling his body brushing yours. You gasped loudly as you felt his cold hand pulling your skirt and caressing your thighs. Trembling in front of his gentle touch you untied his belt as you kissed and bit his neck smiling once your hand spotted his cock growing because of your actions you got closer to his ear, "You really are loving when we are alone..." you said in a whisper.

He sighed as he took your hands and pinned them over your head, "So?" he gulped loudly before kissing you frenetically for the nth time stealing all the air captive in your mouth. Passing his fingertips through all your naked body, he played with your wet thin underwear making you gasp in surprise. Feeling your shivering body getting warmer under his drove him crazy. He rapidly got rid of the lingerie covering your intimacy before kissing your forehead, "I love you," he whispered before inserting a couple of fingers in you.

Arching slightly your back, you moaned as you felt his firm movements. He had memorised every single corner of your body already. He knew where he had to touch to make of you a fucking mess. Your thighs, your neck, your sides, your stomach... he perfectly knew what he was doing. Studying carefully your expressions in pleasure he kissed you roughly once again, "Please..." you whispered after a loud groan, "Levi," you ghosted his lips.

He took off his fingers as he got ready for what was about to come. Hugging you tightly, he made you sit on his lap. Kissing your collarbone, he grabbed you by the waist slightly engraving his nails in your skin and lifting you slightly. You kissed his addictive lips as he finally made you sit on his rigidity, thrusting you aggressively entering fully in you in the very first movement. Trying to control your agitated breathing, you tucked the strands of hair covering his eyes behind his ears and pierced his soul with your stare, "I love you," you whispered.

Smirking proudly, he proceeded to thrust you roughly enjoying every single one of your moans and groans. "Fuck," he mumbled increasing his speed and drowning your neck and face in a kissing ocean. Grabbing his shoulders looking for some balance, you moved as fast as your trembling legs allowed hearing your wet bodies barging into each other. His deep growls against your ear made you gulp loudly as that heavenly sensation sent shudders down your spine.

Feeling an electric warm impulse crossing your whole body you shut your eyes. As the Ackerman thrusts got as deep as they could repeatedly hitting your sweet spot, you moaned loudly finally reaching your long awaited pleasure. Levi kissed you sweetly as he reached his own limit too. Feeling tired and quite dizzy, you kissed his sweaty forehead and leaned on the bed. He took a deep breath before leaning next to you and putting a hand around your shoulder. "I won't be able to train tomorrow," you pouted as you realised how your legs shivered like jelly. After that moment full of ecstasy you finally were able to gain consciousness about the state of your body. It hurt. 

He hummed proudly, "Today was a good day," he murmured. You chuckled lightly resting your head in his naked chest as you took a deep breath before preparing yourself to sleep. Unable to erase a stupid smile over your face you thought about how happy you were. Who would've known that -the place most people considered like hell: the Survey Corps- would become your Heaven on Earth. You were blissfully happy to have him with you. And not only him. Having your friends close was a blessing too. 

Too bad happiness didn't last always.


	31. Chapter 31

**One year later...**

Zackley’s snores in between his breathing. Dim light. High ceiling. Cold breeze. Ink aroma. Constant chatting and whispers. Cracking wooden floor. Attentive stares. Being on a trial was definitely not a pleasant experience. Being there gave you a lot of memories. Last time you were in that cold huge building you were the one being judged. Your heart ached in nervousness as your future depended on external’s opinions about you. That was actually scary as hell.

You couldn’t imagine how he was feeling.

Gulping loudly you felt Mike’s firm hand on your shoulder. He had noticed how anxious you were feeling. Looking under you, Levi and Erwin were standing up as rigid as they could, eyes fixed on Zackley’s new target: Eren Jaeger. That cheerful innocent teal-eyed kid you once lived like he was your little brother was being judged. Why? You didn’t understand why. 

A couple of days ago, you came back from an expedition only to find out wall Rose had been broken. However, you were told Eren was the responsible to fix it using a giant rock. Eren on titan form. Eren being a titan. You didn’t believe a single word about it, yet, when you saw the rock and heard Commander Pixis explanation you couldn’t help but accept that fairy tale was actually the truth. A day before the court, Levi and Erwin paid the kid a visit only to confirm he was indeed Eren Jaeger.

”Fucking bullshit,” you bit your fingernail as you heard Commander Nile Dok arguing why that kid was a threat for humanity. “The Military Police always giving grief,” you whispered only to hear Hange’s light chuckle and gain a light hit on the ribs by Mike’s elbow.

Staying in silence you listened to everything they said. Eren attacked Mikasa during the battle, he seemed to have forgotten that. He had lost consciousness for sure, he would never hurt her.

His turquoise eyes were lighted like fire as he lost his temperament. You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed loudly, he was going to get himself killed with that attitude. A loud noise grabbed your full attention. Levi kicked Eren’s face, did he just lose a tooth? You looked carefully how your boyfriend kicked that boy repeatedly. It was completely necessary, but wasn’t he being to harsh? You couldn’t help but smirk. Erwin asked for Eren’s custody taking full responsibility of his future actions. 

“God...” you murmured as you left the room alongside Mike and Hange, “That’s an unusual way to join the Survey Corps,” they laughed lightly. You entered an office and saw Eren on a sofa talking to Erwin as Levi, resting on the wall, looking at you.

Nodding firmly you entered the room and knelt in front of Eren, “How’s your mouth?” You asked patting his thigh.

”Captain Y/n...” he smiled at you, “Good?” He said in a whisper. You laughed lightly as Levi sat next to him, the boy looked scared.

“Do you hate me?” The onyx-haired asked.

The Jaeger shook his head, “No sir,” he took a deep breath “I understand that was necessary,” good answer.

”However,” you stood up and looked at Levi narrowing your eyes, “You went a little too far,” you smiled creepily. Hearing Mike’s loud gulp you noticed he was scared.

Levi clicked his tongue and looked at Hange who knelt in front of Eren and looked into his mouth, “Wait a minute...” they arched a brow, “Your tooth is growing back,” you took Eren’s chin and forced him to face you.

“How disgusting,” you mumbled unable to look away, “and interesting,” you looked at the commander before fixing you stare in Eren’s eyes. “How long have you been a titan?”.

The boy scratched his head, “I don’t know...” he sounded anxious, “I don’t know,” he parroted, “Days? Months? Years? But how is that even possible? Maybe I’ve always been a titan and-“

”That’s impossible,” you exhaled sharply and grabbed Erwin’s full attention, “Back in Shiganshina I treated innumerables injuries and wounds. You were a clumsy child who used to pick fights with everyone,” you smiled. “Your recovery time had never been this fast,” he smiled back, “Your ability to become a titan has been given to you in these last 5 years,”.

”How is that even possible?” Levi frowned lightly, “Are you telling me humans can transform into titans?”.

You hummed as you scratched your chin, “That’s what we need to discover, right Eren?” He nodded firmly.

Along with Levi, Erwin, Hange and Mike you left the trial building. Stretching your arms you sighed loudly. Everything was so confusing at that point... humans having the ability to transform into titans? Unbelievable. You looked at Erwin whose eyes sparkled and his smile was permanente fixed on his face, “We are getting closer,” he murmured. 

Smiling tenderly your eyes spotted a familiar looking woman in front of you. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest as she rested on a wall. “Mother...?” You said in between your teeth as she got closer. “What are you doing here?” You asked in an attempt to avoid her getting even closer.

”I am one of the most important traders in town, I was called for attending the trial,” she looked at you firmly.

Mike, Hange and Erwin smiled at you, “We’ll get going,” the blonde said as they headed the stable where your horses were.

Gulping loudly you unconsciously reached for Levi’s hand and took it firmly, “You look beautiful,” she said, “Did you get a haircut?” She tried to touch your locks. 

”Cut the crap,” you hit her hand almost in fear, “What do you want? I have things to do,” you clicked your tongue.

”I thought we could have a little chat, I have some business to discuss with you and-“ you bursted into a loud piercing laughter.

”Are you fucking kidding me?” You said pressing your stomach trying to control your sarcastic laugh, “I have nothing to do with you, woman,” you cleaned a tear from your left eye.

She looked at the man next to you, “How a low class man like you can be with my daughter?” Her bitter voice made your blood boil in anger.

Levi rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. He felt indifferent towards that woman, he was used to people talking to him in that way. “Shut the fuck up,” you said raising your voice, “You negligent parent...” you mumbled, “I just want you to disappear, don’t ever try to contact me. We are not related anymore,”.

”Y/n,” she took your arm as hard as she could slightly engraving her long nails in you skin, “Like it or not, you’ll always be my bloodline,”.

You chuckled once again, “Whatever,” you broke the grabbing as you took a step away not without bumping into her, “Do not try to contact me,” you said trying to sound as intimidating as you could.

”You can’t escape your roots,” she said as you both walked away.

“For God’s sake,” you exhaled sharply looking into Levi’s eyes, “It’s been five years,” you sounded tired. 

The Ackerman looked around you before gently caressing your cheek and kissing your nose. It was weird for him to do that in the middle of the street, even if there was no one around. “She has nothing to do with you anymore,” he whispered as you entered the stable.

”I know,” you smiled as you rode your horse, “If I ever become like her, kick my face,” you said as you grabbed the ropes.

”Gladly,” he said making you pout cutely.

Galloping firmly towards the headquarters you thought about everything that had happened those last hours. Coming back from an expedition was unpleasant enough for you to add the fact Trost had been almost destroyed and you met your mother once again. A lot of young cadets and members of the Garrisons had lost their lives and humanity had almost lost another wall. Eren Jaeger, a human who could transform into a titan. Was he a menace for humanity? Was he a new hope? You knew that boy. He was definitely on humanity’s side. The Survey Corps had now gained a new weapon against the titans.

***

Eyes fixed in the ceiling as Levi gently played with your hair. “How many months will you be out?” You asked again.

He hummed causing his chest to move lightly and tickle your head. “Two or three,” he said, “It depends on how good is that brat in controlling his powers,”.

You laughed lightly facing him once again, “Don’t be too harsh on him,” you frowned.

He pinched your nose, “I won’t,” he mumbled. He knew how important that child was to you. Eren was now a member of Levi’s squad. You couldn’t help worrying about him, you knew how strict could the Ackerman be. You thank God Petra was there to take care of him in you absence. You also thought about Mikasa and Armin. They would definitely join the Survey Corps, would they be in your squad? Probably not. You had enough people under your orders already.

Erwin was doing his speech in that moment. How many cadets would join the Scouts? You bet not a lot of them would, after almost dying in that battle for Trost, the smartest thing for them to do would be joining the Military Police -if they could- and living a comfortable life in the capital. 

After all, only the craziest people joined the Survey Corps.


	32. Chapter 32

A shadow of a smile was drawn on your face as your eyes met the old big castle where Levi's squad was staying at. Tiring your horse on the stable you heard a loud yell as you suddenly felt two strong arms hugging you from behind and a heavy weight making your legs shake, "Hange," you smiled as you pushed them away and took some air. "How's Eren?" you asked rapidly.

The brunette hummed, "He has improved a lot," they patted your shoulder as they walked with you towards the training field of the castle. After a couple of months far from Levi, both of you were too busy preparing the next expedition, the day had finally come. In less than 24 hours, the 57th expedition outside the walls was taking place. Its goal was to plot a course from Karanes District to Shiganshina, figuring out the safest route for Eren's well-being. It apparently was a simple and trivial expedition yet you noticed Erwin had felt uneasy lately. You knew expeditions involve numerable unforeseen event however, this time, after seeing the capacity of some humans to transform into titans, you bet the Survey Crops job had become even more dangerous. 

"Good morning," you greeted as you saw Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunther having tea on a wooden table. They all greeted back as they offered you some hot beverage. Your eyes traveled all around the place until you spotted Levi shouting at a semi-unconscious Eren laid on the greenery. "Poor boy," you mumbled taking a sit next to Petra as Hange sat in front of you, "He must be scared to death,".

Oluo nodded firmly, "That brat needs severe discipline," he crossed his arms.

"Stop acting like the captain," Eld exhaled sharply, "He seems intimidated but you can easily tell he admires the captain a lot," you smiled sweetly as you looked at Levi carrying Eren on his shoulder as if he was a mere sack of spuds. 

Once they reached the table you all where at, he dumped him on the floor before sitting next to you, "Everything's ready for tomorrow," he served himself some tea as he stretched his back, "Where's your squad gonna be at?" he asked.

You hummed as you took a quick sip, "Front right flank," you said.

The Ackerman clicked his tongue, "First line?" he murmured, he hated you being on the front line. 

You nodded before noticing Eren getting up with some difficulties aided by Hange who grabbed his arm and helped him to sit next to them, "Hey," you smiled, "How are you doing?"

"Y/n..." he blinked a couple of times before taking your hands, "Thank God you are here, I thought I was dying when capt-" as soon as his teal stare met Levi's frown he shut his mouth abruptly, "Ah..." he exhaled sharply leaving your hands and resting his head on the table, "I'm so tired,".

"The expedition is tomorrow," the ravenette kicked his ankle under the table, "You better be full of energy by then," he murmured.

Eren mumbled some nonsense under his breath, "That's why you are not popular," he whispered. As soon as he realised what he just said he covered his mouth with his hands, "I am so sorry, I didn't mean that!" he bowed at least ten times as you all burst out laughing. 

The tawney-haired patted his shoulder, "I bet among young people Erwin is the most popular," they said unable to stop laughing, "He's intelligent, tall, handsome and dreamy," they looked at Levi, "Nothing like you," they continued laughing.

"Shitty four-eyes!" the Ackerman clenched his fists, "What are you laughing at?" he looked at you and grabbed your cheeks in a failed attempt to make you stop.

Feeling his fingers pressing your face you locked stares, "That's why you are not popular," you parroted Eren's words. The shorty left your cheeks as he crossed his arms.

Finishing his beverage he looked at you once again, a trace of tease in his gaze, "I was good enough to grab your attention," he said creating a deadly silence among you.

You hummed under your breath as you felt your face get slightly hotter. Feeling everyone's attentive stares you rested your head on his shoulder. Levi's full squad smiled as that was the first time they saw you behaving as an actual couple in public, "I don't like popular things," you whispered.

Eren arched a brow as he look around him, "Are you..." he lowered his voice as he leaned towards you, "You guys are dating or something?" he asked almost in disgust.

You chuckled sweetly as you felt Levi's arm around your shoulder, pushing you closer to him "No fucking shit Sherlock," he rolled his eyes, "We've been together for..." he looked at you and hummed, "Five years?" you nodded, "Five fucking years, kid. And you didn't know about that? Weren't you the Scouts number 1 fanboy?" he made the soldiers laugh again.

The young cadet stuttered as he pointed at you, "You never told me about it!" he accused trying to calm his nerves.

"You never asked," you shrugged as you looked at him covering his face in embarrassment. How cute. "Don't get too excited and turn into a titan now," you mumbled.

Levi leaned towards your ear and whispered, "He once did, almost crushing all of us," he looked at Eren once again, "He only transformed his arm though," he pinched the bridge of his nose, "But it was scary enough to make these guys shit in their pants," he pointed at his squad who pouted and complained.

"I am sorry!" the boy said as everyone started yelling and talking about that day. Smiling sweetly you looked at Levi as you firmly took his hand under the table, taking a deep breath you nodded firmly. The atmosphere in the headquarters was uneasy. Some people were against the idea of leaving humanity's destiny in Eren's shoulders, you couldn't blame them. It was a risky take only someone like Erwin would bet on. 

  
***  
  


Pouring your second glass of whiskey you tried to control your shivering hand. Listening carefully to the amber liquid filling the transparent glass you rested your head on the desk. Every time you shut your eyes you could only see your subordinates, Maya and Oscar, being cruelly crushed by an unknown intelligent titan. They were young, strong, passionate... and they got killed in the most cruel way you could imagine. Grabbed by their ODMG and crushed against the floor and the trees several times.

Taking the whole beverage in a single shot you covered your face with your hand. You were not crying. Hearing the door being opened and a couple of uneven steps approaching, you didn’t move a single inch. The sound of a second glass hitting the desk, the bottle being taken and the liquid being poured you finally made your heart brave and faced him. Levi, sitting on the arm of the sofa, was slowly drinking his whiskey as his gaze was fixed in the floor.

He was broken, more broken than what you could see in his emotionless cold eyes. Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunther. He had lost his full squad in a blink of an eye. The world was so cruel. Way too cruel for you to handle. After seconds -or minutes, or maybe hours- of complete silence, your mouth finally opened as you asked in a painful whisper, “How’s your leg?” Your stares met for a brief second. Neither of you could find the courage to face each other.

He hummed as he gently caressed his thigh, “Not good,” he murmured licking his lips tasting the remainders of alcohol. “There’s a good chance the female titan’s identity has been discovered,” he finally looked at you as he gently moved his wrist as the last sip of whiskey danced graciously in the glass, “Anne Leonhardt from the 104th cadets,” he frowned.

Still resting your chin on the mahogany table you slowly controlled your breathing, “Eren’s colleague?” You laughed as sarcastically as ever, “That must be a joke,”.

Levi finished his beverage in a single motion, “Erwin has a plan, tomorrow in the Stohess district we’ll get her,” she was about to stand up but you were faster and reached him before he could. You didn’t want him to move with his recently injured leg. Taking his hands as tight as you could, you locked stares, “Our comrades haven’t died in vain,” he caressed your hands in circular motions.

You nodded firmly before hugging him and drowning your face on his neck finally letting yourself be vulnerable and crying in silence feeling his fingers gently caressing your hair. Unable to stop trembling you sobbed loudly as you wetted his shirt with your tears, “They were too young,” you sobbed as you tightened the grabbing, carefully avoiding his injured leg, “Too fucking young,” you murmured, “Kids, they were only kids,” you felt a knot on your throat getting tighter and tighter.

”I know...” he whispered into your ear, “I know,” he parroted shutting his eyes letting his chin rest over your head as he continued stroking your silky hair.

Staying in that exact position in complete silence for hours you both slept on the sofa finding comfort in each other’s warmth. According to Levi, the commander had the perfect plan to get the female titan in a few hours. You just had to trust him and maybe -only maybe- all the pain would be erased.   
  
***

A nightmare. Those last days had been an absolute nightmare. You wished you were still in that castle lividly chatting with Levi’s squad as Eren explained how his training was going. You doomed that expedition. That darn expedition.

”Now!” You had no time to think, you had to take action. Now. Hange shot the canon as the female titan got trapped in front of you. They talked to her slowly, you were not able to hear what they were saying as your ears were perturbed by an annoying piercing ring.

As you saw the titan successfully breaking the trap and escaping you grabbed Hange’s arm and pulled them roughly towards you, falling on the ground as they landed over you. “When is this going to end...?,” your voice trembled dangerously as you stood up.

They parted your shoulder, “Soon,” they pointed a couple of streets near where Eren, in titan mode, was willing to fight Anne. Why would a little girl like that do all this? Why would she kill so many Scouts? Why did she want to get Eren? 

You rested on a wall from a half-destroyed building as you ran a couple of fingers through your hair, “I am so tired...” you looked at them in the verge of an emotional breakdown.

”I know,” the brunette pressed your foreheads together and took a deep breath, “You are strong, remember that,” you nodded firmly.

Hange smiled as they headed the end of the route, “Come on, we have no time,” they said. Following them through the busy streets you tried to ignore the chaos around you. Buildings being destroyed, people dying, yells, cries in agony... the constant rumbling on the floor as the titans fought each other... you bet being in actual hell felt the same.

As you saw Levi and Erwin you ran towards them and watched the fight attentively, “He’s our only hope,” the blonde said without tearing his eyes from them.

Gulping loudly you looked at Levi. His cold silver stare was fixed in the fight, you felt nervous. As nervous as ever. Once you saw Eren pushing Anne on the ground you ran towards them. Had he won? Had humanity finally taken a step forward? As your eyes spotted the young lady covered in what seemed a hardening glass you couldn’t avoid falling on your knees feeling the cold hard pavement hit your body. Erwin and some cadets approached her as Levi gently pressed your shoulder.

Still trembling you took his hand, “Have our comrades’ deaths been in vain...?” You whispered as you heard people shouting and cursing around the female titan shifter.

Levi shook his head, “No,” he sounded serene and firm. Exactly what you needed in that moment. You arched a brow once you saw Erwin talking seriously to someone some metres from you, he looked at you for a brief moment as he nodded firmly silently asking you to take part of the conversation.

Standing up slowly, trying to fake a smile, you looked at Levi before approaching the commander, “What?” You asked impatiently as the person who was with him, your mother, pressed her lips.

”She’s got some interesting things to say,” the blonde took a deep breath, “Listen to her,” he sounded serious. That was not a suggestion, that was a firm command.

She nervously looked around and, once she was completely sure there was no one near by, she started talking, “The female titan, the Colossal and the Armored titan,” she whispered, “they come from the same place and their goal is to take that kid’s titan with them,” she said.

You stayed in silence for a couple of minutes waiting for her to continue, “That is not a lot of information,” you crossed your arms.

”I can’t say anything else,” she sounded nervous.

”She’s already risking her life by telling us that,” Erwin mumbled.

You nodded firmly, “So, you’ve always known the truth about the walls?” Your eyebrows almost touched each other as you frowned.

The lady fixed her eyes in the floor, “I was going to tell you about it once you got married, our family’s business has... some stuff to do with that and I was hoping you would follow our paths some day,” she exhaled sharply, “Why do you think your father was in charge of rewriting the History books?”

”Because you knew about everything, that’s why it wasn’t hard for him to lie,” you clenched your fists. 

“Y/n,” Erwin leaned towards your ear as he spotted some MP murmuring and looking at you, “She’s told us enough,” he grabbed your arm firmly almost hurting you, “Take her away, now,” he raised his voice.

Nodding firmly you ran towards the stable as you took your mother’s hand, you needed to hide her. Who knew what the MP could do to her as soon as they realised she had spread information. “Give me a fucking break,” you begged as you felt as tired as ever.

Riding a horse you helped your mother to sit behind you as she firmly hugged your waist and headed the wall door as fast as you could. You thank God the titans fight had been chaotic enough for you to cross the wall without being suspicious. “Where are you taking me?” She asked.

You shrugged, “Who knows,” you galloped faster, “Five years ago I got into exile because of you... and now I am helping you to escape,” you chuckled, “How fucking ironic,”.

”I am sorry about that...” her voice trembled.

You clicked your tongue, “Don’t get me wrong,” you mumbled, “I’m not forgiving you for anything, woman,” feeling the cold breeze from the forest you galloped to the North, “I’m just helping you because Commander Erwin Smith ordered me to. We don’t have any kind of relationship, got it?” Years ago you would be scared of talking like that to her.

”I know,” she said.

”Good,” you noted without stopping the galloping. Rapidly tracing a mental map of the territory in between walls Sina and Rose you remembered a tiny old abandoned village, she could peacefully live in. However, she would be left completely alone. 

Growling under your breath you avoided crying. When would that living hell finally end? 


End file.
